Women and our Tarantulas

[The Snark]

I'm not seeing how a 'whisperer' has anything to do with this thread.
A cool calm honest heart + respect + understanding + tolerance + intuition = affinity. Add compassion + empathy = rapport.

 

[Gevo]

My long stint in customer facing positions has given me spidey senses (get it ) for the kind of people I'd rather avoid.
Thus, I have avoided any unpleasant encounters for quite awhile. Not looking like a minor has also helped but that's a whole other can of worms...

Some of the men's responses to this thread have been interesting.
I feel there is lack of understanding as to why a woman might feel some trepidation when entering what is ostensibly a male dominated space. Although no official demographic information exists, at least here, men are in the majority. As some have mentioned, it does seem to be equalizing though with many younger women entering the hobby.

On the internet, man is default. I have a gotten a bit of a giggle out of the "you're a woman??" responses.

I'm curious to see how this conversation continues

Yeah, when I was younger and worked in customer-facing jobs, my experience was the same. Even just being friendly enough could earn you a full-on stalker, and then you'd stop being friendly and get harassed and called awful names because you're daring to not smile at complete strangers. Women aren't lying about that stuff or misinterpreting things or overreacting.

I'm still not convinced this is a widespread problem with the hobby, but I don't doubt that there are dudes out there who aren't tarantula keepers (and maybe a few who are) who would say stuff like that in the OP when finding out a woman is a keeper.

 

[Matt Man]

I'm not seeing how a 'whisperer' has anything to do with this thread.
A cool calm honest heart + respect + understanding + tolerance + intuition = affinity. Add compassion + empathy = rapport.

The notion is specifically about my daughter. She has been keeping Ts since age 5 and has been working shows since around age 12. The 'whisperer' came about for 2 reasons. She has a stupid high percentage of picking female slings, and yes, at. a show, with crowds, and noise and no super secure place to do anything she rehoused 3 Pokies, an OBT, a Stromatapelma, and one NW Terrestrial in around half an hour. I discussed it in a post and thus the legend began

Yes exactly like that

Yes! That was it , I knew it was ow t's n arboreal but couldn't remember the genus thank you

multiple pokies (3 I think) a stromatapelma, an OBT and one basic NW Terrestrial. Heck at the Sac show last spring, the eve before the show we unpacked and rehoused close to 50 Androctonus and. Leiurius Scorpions while watching Cocaine Bear.
She is really steady, and calm, and deliberate but they somehow do what she wants them to. Her skills surpassed mine when she was a teen

 

[Charliemum]

multiple pokies (3 I think) a stromatapelma, an OBT and one basic NW Terrestrial. Heck at the Sac show last spring, the eve before the show we unpacked and rehoused close to 50 Androctonus and. Leiurius Scorpions while watching Cocaine Bear.
She is really steady, and calm, and deliberate but they somehow do what she wants them to. Her skills surpassed mine when she was a teen

When I was a teen I couldn't even look at a spider nm rehouse all those.You must be very proud of her . I remember you telling us when she did it , but I don't think you mentioned the scorps too , it's an extremely impressive feat ! Invert savant

 

[Matt Man]

When I was a teen I couldn't even look at a spider nm rehouse all those.You must be very proud of her . I remember you telling us when she did it , but I don't think you mentioned the scorps too , it's an extremely impressive feat ! Invert savant

The Scorpions was the 'latest edition' that happened after that rehousing event. Very proud of her, she's an amazing young woman, studying Cognitive Science while working a quite adult position (writing code for print automation, and managing the department).
She is getting ready to enter "Peak" with all the holiday orders, so anytime between now and the second week of December she's going to be buried.

 

[Arachnophobphile]

I have witnessed throughout my life guys that are jerks, creepers, stalkers, control freaks and flat out display insanity when interacting with women.

My mom raised me and my two younger brothers by herself during the 70's and into the 80's. It was a very different time then.

Back then it was still quote "a man's world". She worked as a paralegal for a super lawyers office downtown St.Louis. This firm represented big name clients and won all their cases. The male lawyers which was all that there was back then for that firm were "...............", (can't write the words on here use your imagination).

When I was an adult only then did she tell me of all the sexual comments that were directed at her from these scumbag lawyers. They also treated all the female employees like dirt. Nothing you could do about it back then especially against them or that firm. If they said anything they would be fired. When you have three little kids as a single mom back in those times you couldn't afford to lose any type of job.

I've had a couple of stepdads when I was young that were abusive to my mom. I was young but old enough to take care of myself when it came to defense. Growing up hanging with a rough crowd I had no choice but to learn to take care of myself.

I found out like only 10 years ago my second stepdad was not only verbally abusive but physically abusive. She waited decades to tell me because she feared what I would do. She was right because I be sitting in prison serving a life sentence if she did as I had the means to find him.

I was taught to always respect women and I always respected my mom. To this day I will still not use foul language around my mom at my age.

When I was in my early 20's I was in a relationship with a nut job of a woman. She hated men and she took it out on me. She was always wanting to yell and argue and say the most hateful evil things to me. Everytime she started I left. I never engaged in arguing I just left to get away from her.

One night she went total psycho on me and blocked the doorway so the only way I could leave was physically moving her. She screamed at me to fight and argue with her but I refused. Eventually I left and for good this time.

My last words to her was to get counseling for help. I also warned her just because I don't believe in hitting women or a man putting their hands on them there are plenty of men that will. I was also engaged to her which I ended.

Years later I found out that is exactly what happened to her. She wound up with a guy that put bruises up and down on her. As evil as she was I still didn't wish that upon her.

What's the reason for this long over-written story? To show I'm not the chauvinist or jerk that I might be thought of towards women by the things I've wrote in the past.

I stand my ground but I believe equality for women but also justice to all the "..........." men that deserve it.

There's normal men behavior interacting with women then there's ".........." men that even make other men cringe.

 

[Charliemum]

The Scorpions was the 'latest edition' that happened after that rehousing event. Very proud of her, she's an amazing young woman, studying Cognitive Science while working a quite adult position (writing code for print automation, and managing the department).
She is getting ready to enter "Peak" with all the holiday orders, so anytime between now and the second week of December she's going to be buried.

Wow! Go her and well done you for raising such an amazing young lady
I hope you tell her how amazing she is everyday you should get her something really nice just for being her and doing such an amazing job

 

[The Snark]

She has a stupid high percentage of picking female slings, and yes, at. a show, with crowds, and noise and no super secure place to do anything she rehoused 3 Pokies, an OBT, a Stromatapelma, and one NW Terrestrial in around half an hour.

That's an excellent example of affinity. Letting intuition be the guide and skill trainer.

 

[Charliemum]

I have witnessed throughout my life guys that are jerks, creepers, stalkers, control freaks and flat out display insanity when interacting with women.

My mom raised me and my two younger brothers by herself during the 70's and into the 80's. It was a very different time then.

Back then it was still quote "a man's world". She worked as a paralegal for a super lawyers office downtown St.Louis. This firm represented big name clients and won all their cases. The male lawyers which was all that there was back then for that firm were "...............", (can't write the words on here use your imagination).

When I was an adult only then did she tell me of all the sexual comments that were directed at her from these scumbag lawyers. They also treated all the female employees like dirt. Nothing you could do about it back then especially against them or that firm. If they said anything they would be fired. When you have three little kids as a single mom back in those times you couldn't afford to lose any type of job.

I've had a couple of stepdads when I was young that were abusive to my mom. I was young but old enough to take care of myself when it came to defense. Growing up hanging with a rough crowd I had no choice but to learn to take care of myself.

I found out like only 10 years ago my second stepdad was not only verbally abusive but physically abusive. She waited decades to tell me because she feared what I would do. She was right because I be sitting in prison serving a life sentence if she did as I had the means to find him.

I was taught to always respect women and I always respected my mom. To this day I will still not use foul language around my mom at my age.

When I was in my early 20's I was in a relationship with a nut job of a woman. She hated men and she took it out on me. She was always wanting to yell and argue and say the most hateful evil things to me. Everytime she started I left. I never engaged in arguing I just left to get away from her.

One night she went total psycho on me and blocked the doorway so the only way I could leave was physically moving her. She screamed at me to fight and argue with her but I refused. Eventually I left and for good this time.

My last words to her was to get counseling for help. I also warned her just because I don't believe in hitting women or a man putting their hands on them there are plenty of men that will. I was also engaged to her which I ended.

Years later I found out that is exactly what happened to her. She wound up with a guy that put bruises up and down on her. As evil as she was I still didn't wish that upon her.

What's the reason for this long over-written story? To show I'm not the chauvinist or jerk that I might be thought of towards women by the things I've wrote in the past.

I stand my ground but I believe equality for women but also justice to all the "..........." men that deserve it.

There's normal men behavior interacting with women then there's ".........." men that even make other men cringe.

That was a huge thing to share... I hope your OK your mum too.

 

[Matt Man]

Wow! Go her and well done you for raising such an amazing young lady
I hope you tell her how amazing she is everyday you should get her something really nice just for being her and doing such an amazing job

I try, thankfully I still get to spend a lot of time with her (She's 21 and on her own) but yes, I let her know how impressed I am with her constantly. Tom Moran gave her kudos when she was a kid because she was in a video and she pronounced poecilotheria properly.
Much of her success I credit to Tarantulas. The early access gave her an interest in Science, introduced her to genus and species, and lead to reptiles and amphibians. So even though she isn't a biologist, she had that going for her at an early age.
Speaking of reptiles, her Limburg Anery Coastal Rosy Boa just dropped neo-nates, which is pretty exciting as well.
This Lydia, the new Mom.

Lydia Oh Lydia.jpg

• Matt Man
• Jan 9, 2024
• 6

Lydia, my daughter's Anery Limburg Coastal.

 

[Arachnophobphile]

That was a huge thing to share... I hope your OK your mum too.

I only shared it because I know I can come off as a jerk. Maybe it's my writing style or I can't find the right way to like so many other people here that are good at writing.

But thank you and thanks for asking. My mom eventually married a wonderful guy back in the 90's and they are still going strong. My mom's past have left many scars however.

Oh I'm good this was a very very long time ago. Just a faded memory from the past lol

 

[Gevo]

I have witnessed throughout my life guys that are jerks, creepers, stalkers, control freaks and flat out display insanity when interacting with women.

My mom raised me and my two younger brothers by herself during the 70's and into the 80's. It was a very different time then.

Back then it was still quote "a man's world". She worked as a paralegal for a super lawyers office downtown St.Louis. This firm represented big name clients and won all their cases. The male lawyers which was all that there was back then for that firm were "...............", (can't write the words on here use your imagination).

When I was an adult only then did she tell me of all the sexual comments that were directed at her from these scumbag lawyers. They also treated all the female employees like dirt. Nothing you could do about it back then especially against them or that firm. If they said anything they would be fired. When you have three little kids as a single mom back in those times you couldn't afford to lose any type of job.

I've had a couple of stepdads when I was young that were abusive to my mom. I was young but old enough to take care of myself when it came to defense. Growing up hanging with a rough crowd I had no choice but to learn to take care of myself.

I found out like only 10 years ago my second stepdad was not only verbally abusive but physically abusive. She waited decades to tell me because she feared what I would do. She was right because I be sitting in prison serving a life sentence if she did as I had the means to find him.

I was taught to always respect women and I always respected my mom. To this day I will still not use foul language around my mom at my age.

When I was in my early 20's I was in a relationship with a nut job of a woman. She hated men and she took it out on me. She was always wanting to yell and argue and say the most hateful evil things to me. Everytime she started I left. I never engaged in arguing I just left to get away from her.

One night she went total psycho on me and blocked the doorway so the only way I could leave was physically moving her. She screamed at me to fight and argue with her but I refused. Eventually I left and for good this time.

My last words to her was to get counseling for help. I also warned her just because I don't believe in hitting women or a man putting their hands on them there are plenty of men that will. I was also engaged to her which I ended.

Years later I found out that is exactly what happened to her. She wound up with a guy that put bruises up and down on her. As evil as she was I still didn't wish that upon her.

What's the reason for this long over-written story? To show I'm not the chauvinist or jerk that I might be thought of towards women by the things I've wrote in the past.

I stand my ground but I believe equality for women but also justice to all the "..........." men that deserve it.

There's normal men behavior interacting with women then there's ".........." men that even make other men cringe.

I'm sorry you went through all that. I had some similar experiences growing up, and it's hard to want to protect your mom while she's trying to protect you.

I think there's more dialogue starting to happen about abusive relationships and how they affect people of all genders and relationship types, but there's still a lot of work to be done to better support men, who continue to have less access to resources and conversation spaces to help them navigate abuse.

I think one piece of that work includes validating the experiences people share while not falling into the trap of overgeneralizing and making sweeping value/judgment statements about entire groups of people. Our online spaces are being carefully designed to confirm existing biases (filter bubbles), amplify emotions (personalized content), and put people on the defensive (rage baiting). It's making it harder and harder for people to meet respectfully in the middle, and we all need to wisen up to it and stop letting bots and algorithms influence how we connect with one another and hear each other. When we're all busy fighting each other, we're easier to manipulate.

 

[Arachnophobphile]

I'm sorry you went through all that. I had some similar experiences growing up, and it's hard to want to protect your mom while she's trying to protect you.

I think there's more dialogue starting to happen about abusive relationships and how they affect people of all genders and relationship types, but there's still a lot of work to be done to better support men, who continue to have less access to resources and conversation spaces to help them navigate abuse.

I think one piece of that work includes validating the experiences people share while not falling into the trap of overgeneralizing and making sweeping value/judgment statements about entire groups of people. Our online spaces are being carefully designed to confirm existing biases (filter bubbles), amplify emotions (personalized content), and put people on the defensive (rage baiting). It's making it harder and harder for people to meet respectfully in the middle, and we all need to wisen up to it and stop letting bots and algorithms influence how we connect with one another and hear each other. When we're all busy fighting each other, we're easier to manipulate.

See......I couldn't have said it better. Very wise words and words for everyone to live by I commend that.

 

[The Snark]

I think there's more dialogue starting to happen about abusive relationships and how they affect people of all genders and relationship types, but there's still a lot of work to be done to better support men, who continue to have less access to resources and conversation spaces to help them navigate abuse.

Just to mention, go up to your average cop and ask what it their very worst job. The one that makes you groan when the call comes in. Domestic abuse/violence. They would rather hear shots fired suspect at large.
In our supposed enlightened civil society, this is ridiculous. Rational thinking gets thrown out the window and it's a free for all of a person or more often persons operating on a purely emotional level almost always with significant psychological issues involved.

 

[Charliemum]

I only shared it because I know I can come off as a jerk. Maybe it's my writing style or I can't find the right way to like so many other people here that are good at writing.

But thank you and thanks for asking. My mom eventually married a wonderful guy back in the 90's and they are still going strong. My mom's past have left many scars however.

Oh I'm good this was a very very long time ago. Just a faded memory from the past lol

I am glad she found someone worth her time , and if it helps, I don't think your a jerk, never have .

 

[Spifdar]

multiple pokies (3 I think) a stromatapelma, an OBT and one basic NW Terrestrial. Heck at the Sac show last spring, the eve before the show we unpacked and rehoused close to 50 Androctonus and. Leiurius Scorpions while watching Cocaine Bear.
She is really steady, and calm, and deliberate but they somehow do what she wants them to. Her skills surpassed mine when she was a teen

I just wanted to say I absolutely love reading all that you've written here. It's so great to see parents who are just openly loving & proud of their kids and their achievements, and supportive of them! It sounds like you two have a great relationship

 

[The Snark]

I have witnessed throughout my life guys that are jerks, creepers, stalkers, control freaks and flat out display insanity when interacting with women.

My intro to domestic violence. Might be disturbing. Not easy recalling and writing this.

Spoiler

In a hallway at school I saw a girl, picked up on something. We came almost face to face. I asked if she was alright. She tried to shove passed me, too crowded. Glaring at me she moved the hair from covering her face. Not just a black eye but almost the entire side of her face a black blue bruise. She vehemently snarled "No I'm <snip> not alright."
I was stunned. I had thrown a few punches and knew exactly what had happened to her. She pushed passed and I followed her. Near the south door she turned, glared and walked towards the door. Then suddenly turned again, grabbed my sleeve and pulled me out the door and on down the driveway. Ditching school again, but I was much more focused on her. She just walked. We walked. Block after block. I picked up she was crying. I didn't know what to say so just kept pace beside her. After a time she had dialed down some and murmured softly "He's going to kill me."

We struck up a relationship of sorts. One evening I walked her back to her house. She suddenly tensed. A man rushed towards us across the lawn, grabbed her by the arm and flung her at the steps. She piled in hard face first and lay there, not moving. I'll never get that image out of my mind.

The rest of that night is still a blur. Most of my memories are from a cop that had pieced things together. I saw red and went berserk. I got handcuffed and shoved in a cop car. Staring out the window as the ambulance attendants got her on the gurney and took her off sirens and red lights. Then I was driven to the police station then to the hospital. I had taken some punches and was covered in blood. Cuffed to the gurney they kept me most of the night. Concussion, broken nose. The only thing in my mind was where was my GF and was she alright.

Long story short I was charged with assault and battery, apparently landing a couple of punches on the father in law. The charges were dropped. The daddy was charged with aggravated assault and some other stuff. My actions were deemed understandable under the circumstances.
GF had a broken arm and skull. The cop that initially arrested me did me the favor of taking me to the hospital to see her. We both shed some tears during that visit.


Happy ending. A few years later I took that girl to meet my then present besty and sort of GF. They hit it off big time out of the gate. Later that evening in the kitchen the chemistry went off. They suddenly were lip locked. I was charmed to the max. My two dearest friends found the perfect match. They're still happily married and stay in touch with me.

 

[Arachnophobphile]

My intro to domestic violence. Might be disturbing. Not easy recalling and writing this.

Spoiler

In a hallway at school I saw a girl, picked up on something. We came almost face to face. I asked if she was alright. She tried to shove passed me, too crowded. Glaring at me she moved the hair from covering her face. Not just a black eye but almost the entire side of her face a black blue bruise. She vehemently snarled "No I'm <snip> not alright."
I was stunned. I had thrown a few punches and knew exactly what had happened to her. She pushed passed and I followed her. Near the south door she turned, glared and walked towards the door. Then suddenly turned again, grabbed my sleeve and pulled me out the door and on down the driveway. Ditching school again, but I was much more focused on her. She just walked. We walked. Block after block. I picked up she was crying. I didn't know what to say so just kept pace beside her. After a time she had dialed down some and murmured softly "He's going to kill me."

We struck up a relationship of sorts. One evening I walked her back to her house. She suddenly tensed. A man rushed towards us across the lawn, grabbed her by the arm and flung her at the steps. She piled in hard face first and lay there, not moving. I'll never get that image out of my mind.

The rest of that night is still a blur. Most of my memories are from a cop that had pieced things together. I saw red and went berserk. I got handcuffed and shoved in a cop car. Staring out the window as the ambulance attendants got her on the gurney and took her off sirens and red lights. Then I was driven to the police station then to the hospital. I had taken some punches and was covered in blood. Cuffed to the gurney they kept me most of the night. Concussion, broken nose. The only thing in my mind was where was my GF and was she alright.

Long story short I was charged with assault and battery, apparently landing a couple of punches on the father in law. The charges were dropped. The daddy was charged with aggravated assault and some other stuff. My actions were deemed understandable under the circumstances.
GF had a broken arm and skull. The cop that initially arrested me did me the favor of taking me to the hospital to see her. We both shed some tears during that visit.


Happy ending. A few years later I took that girl to meet my then present besty and sort of GF. They hit it off big time out of the gate. Later that evening in the kitchen the chemistry went off. They suddenly were lip locked. I was charmed to the max. My two dearest friends found the perfect match. They're still happily married and stay in touch with me.

Yes it is sad, glad there was a happy ending. I have witnessed domestic violence over the course of my life. Even in my own family I have witnessed the horrors of domestic violence.

The internet, TV or whatever is fantasy land. Reality is very ugly and when a man gets it in his head that they are going to hit a woman like they would hit a man it's beyond disgusting.

Child abuse infuriates me to anger like nothing other. Bad enough men that abuse women it's even worse when it's an adult that harms a child in any way, shape or form.

For an adult to do that to her and you he deserves nothing less than left to inmates in general population in prison and to know what he did.

 

[TheraMygale]

thank you to all the new comments, stories and discussions.

i think its a relevant thread that brings us all together because we see things on both sides.

i like how no one has been rude to anyone, and we all have gotten to share our opinions.

i think it shows a lot about our community.

 

[Arachnophobphile]

thank you to all the new comments, stories and discussions.

i think its a relevant thread that brings us all together because we see things on both sides.

i like how no one has been rude to anyone, and we all have gotten to share our opinions.

i think it shows a lot about our community.

I apologize for going off topic or if I hijacked your post in any way. It was not my intent but I'm guilty of doing it. I've done it in the past and I try to avoid it but sometimes I'm just an idiot.