Women and our Tarantulas

[TheraMygale]

I apologize for going off topic or if I hijacked your post in any way. It was not my intent but I'm guilty of doing it. I've done it in the past and I try to avoid it but sometimes I'm just an idiot.

I did not have the time to adress everything i found interesting specificaly. There is a lot for me to point out and discuss.

that being said, this is not a post for anyone to affirm themselves as idiots. We can say things and be different. Doesnt make any of us an idiot.

Its a post for expression. If within respect, we can all express ourselves, yes?

i like people to participate. It was never my goal for this thread to be oppressive. More a place to share our personnal experiences. Take 50 different humans, make them view a “situtation”, and we can expect 50 different observations.

i did notice some things being said by some people, that perhaps, were off topic or invalidating. That being said, i welcome “opinion” as it is not a fact.

i want to take the time to reply to the things i read that spoke to me the most.

as to whoever said “women” is not relevant to the keeping of tarantulas, even if not in those words, it is. And saying otherwise negates a persons existance.

its not a debate at that point. But, context is of the essence. Which is why i will need to take more time to read and see the context of everyones replies.

i hope we keep this thread going. Its important to me.

i also need to clarify, in case it wasnt clear already: i dont want this thread to be an absolution. Or be a place to prove some big oppression. No. Not at all.

its to express situations and things lived. And what a person LIVES at a certain moment, belongs to THEM. No matter how you think thats not what happened. We can’t say: but that didnt happen.

we are not pointing fingers but “listening”.

anyone can talk about a bad moment they felt discriminated. We are not “naming” the people who made them feel that way.

we are discussing situations of malaise.

and good ones too. So far, seems a lot more good then bad. Which is awesome.

lets keep it going!

i am totaly going to adress this:

No one should be throwing around the words "Toxic Masculinity"

And i think you might like what i have to say. But, im not going there tonight.

 

[The Snark]

i think its a relevant thread that brings us all together because we see things on both sides.

i like how no one has been rude to anyone, and we all have gotten to share our opinions.

i think it shows a lot about our community.

At the least we are finding some common ground here, and seeing the problem. Inequality, judging other by what they are rather than what their individual capacities and capabilities are. Cultural for the most part. The idiotic 'war between the sexes' that had become ingrained into many societies down through the ages is a major problem, but only one of many.

In a seriously low life bar, a hangout for outlaw bikers, a major fight was brewing, getting ready to come to blows. The owner - bar tender jumped in and confronted the major bad ass just asking, yelling for everybody to back it down for a minute. Then he asked the problem guy his name, friendly and amiable. He then grabbed a microphone from the band riser. Essentially he called to chill then said,
"Everybody! Think about something here. I wouldn't want to be here in this bar. In this city. In this state. In this country, where everybody thought just like I did. How <snip> dead boring would that be? A bunch of robots kissing each other's <snip>. Now Levi here has his own take. That's cool. it's rubbed some people the wrong way. That's understandable. But after blows are exchanged, after all the screaming and yelling. at the end of the day Levi here is still my brother. Our brother. Go ahead and tell him he's full of <snip>, but respect him for having his own opinion. His own take on things. Just like every other goddamn person in this room. You ain't going to change them all, but you can change yourself. Get over yourselves. Tell him that's cool what he thinks and we ain't jiving, but we can still get along. Talk it out or even go separate ways. This coming to blows is just <snip> and you all know it. Let's show some respect and tolerance and appreciate that we are all different."

Now if only society in general would put aside their biases and prejudices and look at each other not as male or female, or this race or that race, religion, whatever, and grow up a little, view people as individuals, brothers and sisters on this ball of dirt, and get over themselves like those low lifes did that night in Smitty's bar.

Freaking ridiculous for me. The Los Compadres, Four Horsemen, some Hell's Angels all getting along better that night than what's coming down right now in the US.

 

[TheraMygale]

I need to put a “for the record” here. To those who are actualy following this thread with interest.

i brought up this theme, for women, and their experiences.

its not to shun men. Nor their experiences.

its for women, with tarantulas, to openly talk about their experiences, good or bad. Experiences that was, to them, felt as such, because they are women.

sure, clerks can give a bad service to EVERYONE. No one knows the service given before, and after their experience.

you go into a store, and you live a moment. Being a woman, your experience is experienced as who you are. We can not deny the discrimination that women have gone through, throughout the years. Its not a “resolved” thing. Its much better then it was.

we can add age to that, but its not a good idea. Women who are 60 today, went through different experiences, as a women, then women who are 25 today. So if we bring up age, we erase important years.

we are here in the now. What is your experience, as a woman. In interactions within the tarantula community. Good or bad.

there can be plenty of good ones for one bad one. And if that person felt it was because they were a women, that the experience went sour, then, we, have nothing to say. We are not here to dissect the event.

someone has a bad event, its bad. We can’t start saying “yeah but…”. No. Thats what invalidation is.

toxic masculinity. Thats another subject and not one i want to dive into.

it had a reason to become a “thing”. Now, are there toxic women?! Of course. White privilege tossed into the mix goes very far.

but this isnt the point of this thread.

i have had my share of bad experiences, when adressed by women. Its very known that women can be great sexists, even at other women. But this isnt a thread about gender dissection. Its about women, in the tarantula community, and their experiences.

if men feel they need a thread, then hey, go ahead and do it. This thread is about women and tons of men came to give their thoughts.

i just hope its understood what the thread is about. Its not about pointing fingers and shaming a person or store.

its about talking about an experience.

as for toxic masculinity, its toxic behavior. Thats what it means. Because everyone can be toxic. The reason its coined masculine, is the root of the interaction. A man shaming a women because she is out partying instead of at home with kids: context. Is so yesterday, its colonial, and sexism. Thats why its said toxic masculinity.

if you always say “women having meltdowns”, instead of women being angry, then, hey, thats sexist. People get angry. So why is it a meltdown when its a women? And aggressive when its a man? Yeah, spidey senses here getting aggrivated. This is a big discussion. And not the point of my thread.

if i havent clarified everything yet, i will surely find out soon.

by the way, when i am angry, no one thinks im a woman. The closest thing to it is wolverine. And my vagina has nothing to do with it. If you think im having a meltdown because im a women, then you are far from right.

i have a right to get angry.

if i see someone torturing a tarantula, and i get angry: am i having a meltdown? do i even need to explain this further?

if someone does not get that, then they need to do some introspection.

If you want to debate gender and sexism, i am open to private messaging. This isnt the point of my thread. Do not private message me if your idea of angry women is a karen. You don’t get it. Let me toss you a bone, its a karen because she’s white. Its context, and more then just gender. If you still do not get it after that, this isnt the thread for you. Because thats not the point of this thread.

 

[HairyPetRocks]

Important subject. Well, I live in small country and my experience is that arachnid keepers are mostly man. As a woman even I think it's "weird" or "huh, really?" if another woman keeps arachnids as pets - escpecially if they are OW's, widows, trapdoor or funnelweb spiders.

But I also know that men might be just more visible in social media that has created image of men dominating this hobby.

 

[bonewax]

It seems like the users in tarantula Facebook groups are at least half women. Of course, that likely has more to do with the demographic of facebook users than tarantula keepers. But, if you are looking to connect with other women who keep tarantulas, that's an option to consider. I'm not going to comment on the quality of the advice/content in those groups though.

 

[WolfieKate]

I’m a woman. A 55 year old with plenty of life experience. I do feel patronised sometimes and this forum has a dodgy reputation for beginners of any sex but I’m sure sometimes good humour maybe doesn’t come through messages the way it does in person. Like someone said post your set up before you buy your spider. Sorry? I can research and understand the needs of a species of Tarantula just fine without seeking “approval”.

I researched like crazy before getting my first Tarantula. And without wishing to offend any old timers, its really not that hard to acquire knowledge fast. I soent alot of time in rehab the last year (more men than women) and my first sponsor (female) had 40 Tarantulas. So after years of watching Dave (beasties) I saw this as a sign to go for it at last. Now I have 16. I have no doubts about my ability to observe and learn from my spiders. They are my experts every day. And if I need guidance I do mostly go to 2 youtubers who are men but no loud music.

In the UK the hobby feels largely Male pre-dominated but having been to the central inverts show recently there were plenty of women and children. About 50/50. I think sellers and youtubers are mostly men. I loathe the obligatory heavy metal music that goes with feeding videos. It so naff and fake machismo. I think Spiders are beautiful, so reduced in their beauty by loud music, lurid lighting, and being poked or sprayed with water till they perform a threat pose. I think that is the woman in me. I wouldn’t do that to anyone. I guess I want to nuture and love my Spiders!

Is it seen an edgy hobby? Absolutely.

 

[TheraMygale]

I’m a woman. A 55 year old with plenty of life experience. I do feel patronised sometimes and this forum has a dodgy reputation for beginners of any sex but I’m sure sometimes good humour maybe doesn’t come through messages the way it does in person. Like someone said post your set up before you buy your spider. Sorry? I can research and understand the needs of a species of Tarantula just fine without seeking “approval”.

I researched like crazy before getting my first Tarantula. And without wishing to offend any old timers, its really not that hard to acquire knowledge fast. I soent alot of time in rehab the last year (more men than women) and my first sponsor (female) had 40 Tarantulas. So after years of watching Dave (beasties) I saw this as a sign to go for it at last. Now I have 16. I have no doubts about my ability to observe and learn from my spiders. They are my experts every day. And if I need guidance I do mostly go to 2 youtubers who are men but no loud music.

In the UK the hobby feels largely Male pre-dominated but having been to the central inverts show recently there were plenty of women and children. About 50/50. I think sellers and youtubers are mostly men. I loathe the obligatory heavy metal music that goes with feeding videos. It so naff and fake machismo. I think Spiders are beautiful, so reduced in their beauty by loud music, lurid lighting, and being poked or sprayed with water till they perform a threat pose. I think that is the woman in me. I wouldn’t do that to anyone. I guess I want to nuture and love my Spiders!

Is it seen an edgy hobby? Absolutely.

Thank you for your contribution. This kind of post is invaluable.

you are so right in having confindence in what you do. The information is out there.

in the end, no matter what info we have access to, we still need to chose what we do. And we have great sources.

im a Daves little beasties appreciator all the way. I dont like rough music paired with tarantulas. In fact, if i had more knowledge in video editing, i think id have something very different to offer.

we need to do our own thing. When we try to “copy” others, we won’t have the same results.

the best thing to know, to care for tarantulas, is weather. Their habitat. We cant make a tropical forest or african savannah in our house. But we can work with elements.

you keep doing you. I dont think we have heard the last of you. I hope not anyways.

 

[HairyPetRocks]

Not necessarily about topic but this came to my mind. I think it's more difficult to find relationship because I keep arachnids. I know that arachnofobia is really common, doesn't matter of gender. Of course I'm open about my hobby and not willing to give them up only because someone is afraid of them. They still stay in their enclosures and I won't take them out like ''Oooh look how little cutie this is!!''. Well, actually this belongs under the topic. As woman I'm really unsure what men think about when woman keep arachnids, even potentially dangerous species. I might have some misogyny thoughts about this because I even think of this. It just feels ''different thing'' when it's woman who own these. Not looking for a fight, but I just want to say how I feel. At least from time to time.

 

[Tentacle Toast]

...I'm not even sure how you know which member of this site is a man or woman unless they include it in their profile...

Use of language, tone, & typing style. Men & women use language in completely different ways; a couple posts at most is all that's usually needed to gauge with high accuracy whether you're dealing with a man or a woman (at least pertaining to native English speakers. My accuracy drops significantly when English is the second+ language).

...of course we have our place...

Yes, & we've all worked up quite an appetite reading all of this

...I don't watch any female spider utubers they either scream n jump or have so much cleavage the t could burrow in it, not for me lol....

Well, certainly NOT for me EITHER! I think you should share these particular YouTubers so we know to avoid them...

Well I guess I'll leave you little ladies to your project, here....have lots of fun. I guess the only thing I want to know before I leave, is when the calendar is coming out...

 

[TheraMygale]

Yes, & we've all worked up quite an appetite reading all of this

Well, certainly NOT for me EITHER! I think you should share these particular YouTubers so we know to avoid them...

Well I guess I'll leave you little ladies to your project, here....have lots of fun. I guess the only thing I want to know before I leave, is when the calendar is coming out...

I was thinking about that a while ago. It is a good way to save funds for important conservation projects. Im never closed to the idea of beautiful art done with class. The key word being class.

people who rely on the whole “sex sells” aspect, to sell their product, obviously don’t have a product that is good enough to start with.

Your braver then me

for the record, i didnt say how i would be posing . I was thinking of a suit of armor like Brienne of Tarth, in some giant ungoliant web maze. Or Galadriel in Power of the rings. Nothing more empowering then a strong fearless woman in the front lines. And they are fully suited.

 

[Charliemum]

Well, certainly NOT for me EITHER! I think you should share these particular YouTubers so we know to avoid them...

Well I guess I'll leave you little ladies to your project, here....have lots of fun. I guess the only thing I want to know before I leave, is when the calendar is coming out...

The one that jumps n screams is tarantula Kat and the other one is deadly Tarantula girl, she popped up once herping in a mini skirt and very skimpy vest top I have never seen anything like it I am sure you will ovoid her at all costs

The first of never want to see what I look like check out behind the computer there are 2 on there although my hair is blue now not pink or brown

I was thinking about that a while ago. It is a good way to save funds for important conservation projects. Im never closed to the idea of beautiful art done with class. The key word being class.

Your braver then me

 

[TheraMygale]

Not necessarily about topic but this came to my mind. I think it's more difficult to find relationship because I keep arachnids. I know that arachnofobia is really common, doesn't matter of gender. Of course I'm open about my hobby and not willing to give them up only because someone is afraid of them. They still stay in their enclosures and I won't take them out like ''Oooh look how little cutie this is!!''. Well, actually this belongs under the topic. As woman I'm really unsure what men think about when woman keep arachnids, even potentially dangerous species. I might have some misogyny thoughts about this because I even think of this. It just feels ''different thing'' when it's woman who own these. Not looking for a fight, but I just want to say how I feel. At least from time to time.

Your thoughts on this has its place and i am happy you shared it with us. Its quite relevant. Some women are quite capable of having mysogonist thoughts. Thats where we come together, communicate and deconstruct that.

Working against each other is failing. Its also important to be open to different views. Forcing other people to agree always bring forth resistance and anger.

i like this thread, and how its blooming. I hope it can keep going.

@Tentacle Toast i agree that some writing styles can show feminity. That also comes from reading many books, and actualy messaging with people of different gender. For when it comes to picking up on it. Some people are also great sherlocks, and pick up on small cues. I definitely read more into a message, post, then just what is written.

Not everyone has a feminine writing style, and for those who do, its not a bad thing either.

i think its great we actualy have our own personnal individualities.

 

[HairyPetRocks]

Your thoughts on this has its place and i am happy you shared it with us. Its quite relevant. Some women are quite capable of having mysogonist thoughts. Thats where we come together, communicate and deconstruct that.

Working against each other is failing. Its also important to be open to different views. Forcing other people to agree always bring forth resistance and anger.

When I kept tarantulas for the first time about from 2017 it almost get boring because I got no one to share and show how what's this about and discussing about tarantulas. Back then in Finland almost every long time enthusiast were men (or who actually had any ''name'' on here). Luckily things have changed.

Also I'm interested of keeping those very venomous scorpions and Sicarius sp. some day. It's not because they are so venomous: it's because they are SO easy to take care of! All points to them.

 

[TheraMygale]

When I kept tarantulas for the first time about from 2017 it almost get boring because I got no one to share and show how what's this about and discussing about tarantulas. Back then in Finland almost every long time enthusiast were men (or who actually had any ''name'' on here). Luckily things have changed.

Also I'm interested of keeping those very venomous scorpions and Sicarius sp. some day. It's not because they are so venomous: it's because they are SO easy to take care of! All points to them.

Now you have a place to discuss: tons of people on the board. We might not be close by, but theres plenty of us to share with. I know the people i talk to most arent in my local. I dont have tarantula people here.

and its fine like that. Because i have the quality people i like here. Intelligent, nice folks who are into keeping tarantulas and actualy have smart trains of thought. Not just bandwagoning.

 

[Tentacle Toast]

The one that jumps n screams is tarantula Kat and the other one is deadly Tarantula girl, she popped up once herping in a mini skirt and very skimpy vest top I have never seen anything like it I am sure you will ovoid her at all costs

The first of never want to see what I look like check out behind the computer there are 2 on there although my hair is blue now not pink or brown

Thanks, I'll make sure to block them both PRONTO.

Your thoughts on this has its place and i am happy you shared it with us. Its quite relevant. Some women are quite capable of having mysogonist thoughts. Thats where we come together, communicate and deconstruct that.

Working against each other is failing. Its also important to be open to different views. Forcing other people to agree always bring forth resistance and anger.

i like this thread, and how its blooming. I hope it can keep going.

@Tentacle Toast i agree that some writing styles can show feminity. That also comes from reading many books, and actualy messaging with people of different gender. For when it comes to picking up on it. Some people are also great sherlocks, and pick up on small cues. I definitely read more into a message, post, then just what is written.

Not everyone has a feminine writing style, and for those who do, its not a bad thing either.

i think its great we actualy have our own personnal individualities.

I wouldn't call in feminine (or masculine, for that matter), at least not in the stereotypical sense(s) of the word(s), it's just the nature in which the sexes manipulate verbage to communicate. The literacy of the one writing has little to do with how they're naturally inclined to communicate, & it's in that communication that the sexes betray themselves. Race, economic status, even geographic location (US, UK, SA, etc), native English speaker's gender can usually be determined with a few sentences written.

I was thinking about that a while ago. It is a good way to save funds for important conservation projects. Im never closed to the idea of beautiful art done with class. The key word being class.

people who rely on the whole “sex sells” aspect, to sell their product, obviously don’t have a product that is good enough to start with.



for the record, i didnt say how i would be posing . I was thinking of a suit of armor like Brienne of Tarth, in some giant ungoliant web maze. Or Galadriel in Power of the rings. Nothing more empowering then a strong fearless woman in the front lines. And they are fully suited.

Agreed, & I've JUST decided to get into professional photography, & I'm totally willing to work pro bono (& I DO mean bono) for the right cause, just so, you know...that you're aware

Your braver then me

ANYTHING can be class...if you're brave enough...

 

[Charliemum]

ANYTHING can be class...if you're brave enough...

That almost reads as a challenge

 

[Tentacle Toast]

That almost reads as a challenge

Just, you know, manipulating my verbage...

 

[Charliemum]

Just manipulating my verbage...

Then explain

 

[Tentacle Toast]

Then explain

LoL, kinda takes the fun out of it, yeah? I like to see the results of nuance & innuendo; I usually get higher quality returns with that than direct requests & suggestions, LoL

 

[Charliemum]

LoL, kinda takes the fun out of it, yeah? I like to see the results of nuance & innuendo; I usually get higher quality returns with that than direct requests & suggestions, LoL

Ah so your one of those fair enough honey you do you