Women and our Tarantulas

[WolfieKate]

Also keeping this thread fresh as my eldest child is now transitioning to female. Not in the US thank goodness. My immediate worry (outside of the context of tarantula keeping) is how they will be treated. Walking home recently I was attacked by a young man and sexually bothered shall I say. I’m 55. I was old enough to be his granny. It shocked me how vulnerable I felt. Keeping tarantulas has reinvigorated my enthusiasm for life but not my fear for women of any kind. In my country I can’t even buy anything to defend myself except invisible dye or a loud alarm. And I fear for bodily autonomy.

but I digress. I’m female, I’m autistic, I’m a wife, mother, and I care so much for any animal entrusted to my care. Animals more than humans probably And yes,my name gave it away from the start so now I do wonder if I was viewed differently,

 

[Introvertebrate]

.....................In my country I can’t even buy anything to defend myself except invisible dye or a loud alarm..........................

It's refreshing to hear a different perspective. Most folks on your side of the pond feel that the U.S. should implement stricter gun laws. They may be right, but I'm usually thinking, "It's our problem. We'll deal with it (or won't deal with it) here."

 

[Gevo]

It's refreshing to hear a different perspective. Most folks on your side of the pond feel that the U.S. should implement stricter gun laws. They may be right, but I'm usually thinking, "It's our problem. We'll deal with it (or won't deal with it) here."

Canadian here, and when we were in our early 20s, my friend’s dad gave her a can of bear spray when she moved downtown and needed to go to and from her parkade at night. It’s not legal to have bear spray for non-bear self-defence, but he figured if she had to use it in the first place, they’d sort out the legalities later.

 

[WolfieKate]

Canadian here, and when we were in our early 20s, my friend’s dad gave her a can of bear spray when she moved downtown and needed to go to and from her parkade at night. It’s not legal to have bear spray for non-bear self-defence, but he figured if she had to use it in the first place, they’d sort out the legalities later.

It’s fair to say that had I used any form of deterrent that harmed my “assailant” I’ve have gone down for assault. I’m going to get rape alarms but all they do is blast a loud sound and flash a light. I’d rather feed them to my spiders…

 

[fcat]

There's a really good book I forgot to mention:

The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker

 

[TheraMygale]

In short, my experience being a female tarantula keeper has been much, much better than my experience being a female.

I started getting cat called about 10, at the first show of breast development. I never felt safe walking home from school, even when I only had to cross the street....even there I got cat called. It's even more disgusting when you realize it tapers off as the victims age... They are more desirable the closer they appear to puberty. It shaped my whole identity. I became very protective of my body, I went out of my way to dress in plain androgenous clothing (Tom boy forever) and no makeup of course. It was my burden but also MY temple. I grew to resent men for looking at me. I dressed the way I did because I didn't want them "enjoying" my body. I wanted to go unnoticed. And for this....Females....hated me. It's getting better the older I get, but even at almost 40, I get treated like garbage by older females. Listen. I didn't choose this body, I don't do anything to make it look a certain way, I don't wear makeup for a few reasons but one of them I I want to look ugly and I don't want those pigs' attention you seek...why can't we be on the same team? From the limited reading I've done...it sounds like this behavior towards women by women starts in KINDERGARTEN. Identified as competition.

And that's where my rope ends. I can't tolerate women belittling women. Some of us have had it rough. We are supposed to be each other's safe place. Build each other up while the rest of the world breaks us down.

In regards to this online community...this is the safest I have ever felt being a woman. Thank you for that.

In real life I graduated from crazy cat lady to crazy spider lady. People love to make fun of independent women. Can you think of any "Crazy______ men" statements? I can't. Do we have a male version of "Karen?"

The sexism I have witnessed or experienced around tarantulas is limited. I watched my boyfriend get a free Poecilotheria as his first tarantula. Like someone gave him a tarantula for free and he doesn't keep them. I do. The person knows this. A frigging pokie too.

At expos they talk to him first, so now I have him park the car while I go hightail it to buy spiders before he gets inside. Im always happy to see @Matt Man and his daughter, just wish you guys could make it out more often. Our few expos are very reptile centric.

Last expo I struck up a conversation with another female customer while we were both waiting to be served. We chatted for a good 10 minutes. I let her go first since she knew what she wanted and I had questions I like to ask in private (If I buy a few will you give me a discount ). This vendor I have met a few times, and he knows my face enough to know he should remember me, and every time I tell him my name he tells me that's his wife's name Anyway, he asked if I knew that lady...I told him no and he was surprised because for those 10 minutes we were acting like middle school best friends I told him that it's not often I get to meet female keepers in real life so when I do I want to be their friend.

One of my favorite days ever was going to the expo with Gabby, a younger keeper here, and her mom. When I was trying to discourage my other half from attending..."I want to have a girls day at the expo, when are you ever going to hear those words come out of my mouth again?" About 6 months when the next expo came

I have a sneaking suspicion that new female keepers get treated a little differently here. How do I know they are women or men? Only their pictures or their name, the same assumption everyone can make. Am I biased because I am more sensitive to it? You betcha!

Since anger is an emotion, please accept my apology if I offended the more sensitive demographic. In all seriousness, I would like to think I know just as many respectful ones as I do the others.

Outside this website, I feel very unsafe. It's only been a few days and reproductiverights.gov has already been erased. The constitution page is gone. So is the Spanish version. We aren't the only ones being erased and invalidated and treated like objects but we must remember we have something they want from us. And they will take it. We need to support each other now more than ever. No one is coming to save us.

Much love to everyone that has posted and for starting this thread. I understand that some may not understand this fear of being a woman, or how different it is for us, I'm sparing a lot of horrible details, I'm just asking that you believe us.

Thank you for your contribution. Your story speaks to me. I am happy you are able to have positive experiences in the tarantula community.

about hiding your body, i totaly understand. I have always been what is stereotyped a tomboy. I wear clothes to arm my body.

women against women is so true and a reality. And it is the best weapon against solidarity. I know there is work being done on this, but its still very raw and still happens.

as long as beauty and fame will be a priority, and something that means you have value, women will always find ways to attack each other.

the new ways plastic surgery is used, only shows the desire for people to change how they are. Its also big on men too.

there are people dieing because of draught and famine. All the while, some group of people are worried they dont look pretty enough…

i dont shine as much as a person covered in tattoos and wearing the latest fashion. I have strange communication quirks and different opinions on life. When in the presence of a group of people, they listen to the “male” that is the least favored of the group before they decide if they even want to hear to what i have to say.

on the forum, i think its easier for me. Because no one can see what i look like. I am mostly judged by the content of what i say and not my gender. Which in a way, almost makes me equal.

I have no intentions on letting this thread die out. Female members, who keep tarantulas, have an experience outside the forum. And it is entwined to their tarantula keeping. Thats what intersectionnal means.

its valid and deserves to be recognized in order to move forward in a positive way.

It's refreshing to hear a different perspective. Most folks on your side of the pond feel that the U.S. should implement stricter gun laws. They may be right, but I'm usually thinking, "It's our problem. We'll deal with it (or won't deal with it) here."

not everyone in canada feels like there should be stricter gun laws. The guns are not the problem. Its those who use them, and those who don’t keep them secure.

criminals will be criminals. They will find ways to get weapons. The more you ban, the cleverer they get, and even more people get hurt because of that. Especialy in poor countries

i am not allowed to defend myself. And if i do, i will go to jail if i “hurt” my aggressor with a tool that is not legal, aka pepper spray.

if i get attacked, i am supposed to call the “police” and wait until they get here. I need to let myself be violated because if i were to hurt them badly, which i can, i can be called to court from the aggressor. Then i will need to defend my cause, explain to a crowd what i lived through, and cross my fingers they don’t say i asked for it.

Canada and USA are twin colonies. The people arrived here, in time, very closely. Sure it was british and french colonies, but much of canada is english.

as a woman, i have more rights in Canada when it comes to reproductive rights. But thats about it. I would be seen as a criminal if i caused death in self defense.

at @fcat: anger is a true valid emotion. They invented hysteria (i know you know this), to put women away. Because they actualy spoke truth and were close to their emotions ans awareness. They have high emotional intelligence, and got locked up because they were supposed to be breeders and nothing else. This speaks a lot about what our ancestors lived. This mentality is not fully gone.

its also a double edged sword. Most women cant afford to be stay at home moms. Because now, they have to be super moms. They need to work and take care of the home.

i think anger is the right response to anyone put in such a corner. Especialy when they are told to be quiet about it.