# which would you get rid of? your gf or your ts.. that is the question.



## melijoc (Mar 23, 2012)

If one day your gf asks you to move in together but tells you that your t collection has to go cuz she absolutely hates them. What do you do? Do you A get rid of your t collection or B tell her absolutely not, cuz you love your ts too much. Sad to say but some of our fellow t lovers out there faces this same situation and is stuck into making a tough decision. your ts or the gf?


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## grayzone (Mar 23, 2012)

ts would lose that battle hands down.. my gf is my world. i was lucky to find a woman that can actually put up with me (for the most part) for the past 9 almost 10 yrs and loves me unconditionally.. ts just fill up book shelves and look pretty. lucky for me, she would never ask me to do so, and she actually wants to help me unpack my diversipes and versi tomorrow. she even held my pulchripes sling (broke out in hives and didnt even complain) and wants to go to expos with me.. she isnt that fond of em, but knows this addiction is harmless. instead of booze, gambling, strip clubs and such i spend a lil money here and there on bugs. she thinks its silly, but knows i USED to be capable of way worse.  our 7yr old daughter even is taking a shine to em

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## Thistles (Mar 23, 2012)

My first criterion for a significant other is a love for animals. My last bf didn't _LOVE_ Ts, but he tolerated them. If he had said no Ts, I would have gotten more dart frogs or scorps or something. No biggy for me, but I'm not a tarantula person. I'm an animal person who happens to really like Ts too. If your friend is a serious tarantula lover and not just a general animal lover, I'd say he should probably not be with the girl he's with. Before starting a new relationship people should make sure they're really compatible in the long run and not just look at a pretty face. The choice isn't between the few animals he has at the moment, but potentially between a life with no tarantulas and life without this particular girl. If no tarantulas is a big loss for him and not something he'd be able to deal with long-term, then the choice should be pretty clear.

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## Amoeba (Mar 23, 2012)

It's not very nice to make someone choose like that but people do it all the time. Personally I would dump the spiders because:

A) My collection is worth little to nothing 
B) There are other hobbies in the world 
C) Women (in my case) are way better than spiders  
D) My girlfriend likes my spiders and has some of her own.

Compromise is the best option.

Reactions: Like 1


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## SgtSparkles (Mar 23, 2012)

had t's first, girlfriend that didn't like em went. one that does came. she gets her own brachy on the next order. problem solved. If she loves you she wont want to change you


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## Prometheus (Mar 23, 2012)

You gotta be yourself. A person has to except you the way you are and the way you will be, that is the point in a relationship. This isn't really a choice of your T's or your Gf, it's a choice of her accepting who you are. My wife doesn't really like my spiders all that much but she understands that they make me happy so she is cool with that, same as I am with her shoes. I don't understand why you need a pair of shoes or boots for every other pair of pants but it makes her happy. We all have our thing, she should understand that and be mature about this realization and stay or go. Really it's her who should be deciding if she goes or stays with you. Hope this makes sense to you... or her I should say

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## Grin (Mar 23, 2012)

Arachnids are really not appealing to most people, but if a person is accepting to whatever it is you like to do or have then they are worth my time.
In a way, Telling people about my T's is a great test on how judgmental someone can be as well. (personal opinion)

I'm glad I found me a nice man. He actually likes my T's, shows an interest in them & goes to reptile expos with me.
He's accepting of my hobby and I am accepting of his.

Your hobby is an interest which is apart of your personality.
So I guess I wouldn't find myself in the first place being with someone who can't accept me & everything I come with 

If I ever in the past had a BF tell me I had to lose the T's, I probably would of showed him out the front door.
I'd rather be the old lady with 100's of spiders instead of having someone control what I do & like.


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## 8leggedloverlassie (Mar 23, 2012)

id get rid of my girlfriend cos
1: i ADORE my ts
2: being gay wouldnt suit me.:biggrin:
so th question is would i give up my boyfriend, dont hav one yet but if i did and he gave me that choice,id say "NICE KNOWIN YA,LOSER!" im not changin my interests and hobbies for a BOY!:biggrin:
and its mor than likely he'd want them gone cos hes afraid of them, WELL THEN WHAT A SISSY!! how am i supposed to feel safe and secure with a guy who is afraid of basically harmless spiders?!?! :coffee: i want a guy who likes or doesnt mind:all sorts of reptiles, most arachnids (i dont mind if hes a bit uneasy with the deadly ones), most creepy crawlies etc. is that TOO MUCH TO ASK?!?!?!?!?! lol


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## moghue (Mar 23, 2012)

im lucky my wife puts up with my ever growing collection of T's. I do want a big snake but she doesnt really care for them and since she puts up with all my other hobbies i respect that so i do not get one.


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## Hobo (Mar 23, 2012)

Anyone who makes you choose like that aint worth the time.
I _am_ good at weasling into and out of things though, so I'm pretty sure I could find a way to have my cake and eat it too.


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## awolfe (Mar 23, 2012)

I think if someone truly loves you the will accept the way you are completely.


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## Louis Winthorpe III (Mar 23, 2012)

Well, I'd have to get rid of the Ts. My wife is pretty accepting of my hobbies, and I'm grateful she's allowed them in the house in the first place. I know plenty of people whose wives would have squashed them. My wife did limit me to two, but we are in negotiations for 2 more.


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## cmcghee358 (Mar 23, 2012)

When I got the "bug" for tarantulas last summer, I initially did a lot of research. Once I found the species I wanted(G. rosea) I then approached my wife. She flatly told me no. So I pestered her for about a week. Even went so far as to say "I've read a tarantula can kill a black widow, we can let him loose in the garage!" At that point she agreed. I then had to explain to her I would never let loose a tarantula in the garage. After about 3 more days she told me it was ok to get one. I took my 2 daughters to the local pet store and picked out Betsy my Grammastola rosea.

Then Christmas came. I know my wife always buys me terrible presents. So I preempted my own gift with 2 LP slings and a N. coloratovillosus sling. I kinda kept those hidden from her for about a day. Then I dreamt she was throwing away my tupperware and I jumped up and told her not to touch them(she didn't even know I had taken any tupperware into the office). She didn't seem to mind that I had bought 3 new Ts.

Then 3 weeks later I bought an A. metallica from BrettG(great transaction btw) and she rode along with me. On the way back she was holding his little cup just watching him. At which time she declared "He's cute and fuzzy! I want a purple one!" When we got home I had set up some containers from Michaels for the new kids and she helped me the entire time. Then she demanded I label each one with their scientific name so she could learn what they were.

3 weeks later we went back to BrettG(awesome again!) and got her an A. purpurea. Now we're planning on going to the Ken the Bug Guy grand opening on the 21st of April, and the Convention in Tuscon in the summer.

I think a good partner will be opened minded and trusting enough to learn to appreciate the other's joy. In my case, not only did she allow me to enjoy it, she found out she had a passion for it as well. 

If my wife didn't want me to ever get Ts, I'd personally explore the logic she had of why not. And counter with enough of a reason to justify the hobby.

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## 1hughjazzspider (Mar 23, 2012)

I think if she really loves she should accept your hobby for what it is. But if I was ever put in that predicament then it would depend on how I felt about the girl. If I didn't see a future with her, I probably wouldn't budge and keep the T's. If I cared enough about her to be willing to make a compromise, I'd probably whine until I got her to let me keep at least a select few. Of course I'd throw something in there like "I'm only agreeing to this if you let me get the kind of dog I want." Or something of that sort.


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## Storm76 (Mar 23, 2012)

My GF wasn't really fond of T's before, but since I've been pretty much talking A LOT about T's, showing her pictures and whatnot, at some point she started looking stuff up herself. Then, when I got my first T's and talked about them, showed pictures and so on it only took her like a month before she ordered herself some T's. Now we're both in the hobby and I couldn't be happier about it - as it is - it's something you can do TOGETHER and it does give you stuff to talk about for ages pretty much. I consider them pets, but it's also a hobby we're both into, so I haven't gotten into that weird situation. 

However, compromise would be the best option I'd say. Probably take her along to an expo or some other hobbyists so she can see live and learns some about them maybe - then give some time and maybe she'll come around. I don't really know what else the person you're talking about could do...if nothing works, it's a kinda tough choice although one that my GF would clearly win if it'd come to that ever.


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## captmarga (Mar 23, 2012)

You can't ask nor expect people to change.  Try for a compromise - a room all her own for her art, clothes, shoe collection, whatever, if you can have your own T room.  You don't go in her playroom, and she doesn't go in yours.  Either way, there is almost always harbored resentment, and that leads to rifts. 

My late husband did not like the Ts, but he always told me, "Dear, if you want a T, fine.  If it ever gets out, it will meet the bottom of my size 12 shoe.  Period."  I had only a couple of Ts off and on whilst we were married, and they were never handled near him.  

If I ever find anyone again, he must understand I love all my animals (as did my late husband) and I am not giving up anything unless *I* want to.   I've had to give up things and later resented it (two jobs on the same day, two events, this trip or that trip) and it's not easy to deal with. 

Work TOGETHER, it's easier. 

Marga


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## Anonymity82 (Mar 23, 2012)

If my GF (hypothetically, I'm engaged and she already lets me have Ts ) told me I couldn't have tarantulas I would dump her. Not because I'm choosing tarantulas over her. It would be because she's keeping me from something that makes me happy. Unless we couldn't afford it or I spent too much time with them and not her etc... than maybe I would reconsider. But if it was just because she didn't like them I would have to let her go. If she doesn't let me have these, what else will she eventually try to control and not let me have?

---------- Post added 03-23-2012 at 02:31 PM ----------




captmarga said:


> You can't ask nor expect people to change.  Try for a compromise - a room all her own for her art, clothes, shoe collection, whatever, if you can have your own T room.  You don't go in her playroom, and she doesn't go in yours.  Either way, there is almost always harbored resentment, and that leads to rifts.
> 
> My late husband did not like the Ts, but he always told me, "Dear, if you want a T, fine.  If it ever gets out, it will meet the bottom of my size 12 shoe.  Period."  I had only a couple of Ts off and on whilst we were married, and they were never handled near him.
> 
> ...


I told my fiance she could decorate the rest of our home (with consent of course) if I could have a room for tarantulas and bat skeletons plus other awesome things like that.

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## zonbonzovi (Mar 23, 2012)

Ask this of people in relationships and those who are not.  Every time you will get very different answers.  Each relationship will have very different levels of commitment/compromise/expectations.  It really comes down to what is important to you and how much you have invested in your significant other.  However, if it is early in a relationship, i.e. dating, and that person is already formulating the details of how you live your life consider it a big, red flag.  I started this hobby after I was already married and will readily admit that it has caused trouble on occasion but it has taught the both of us how to better compromise.

Shoes vs. inverts = bargaining power!

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## Slevin (Mar 24, 2012)

I'm terrible at relationships and single far more often than not so it wouldn't be too hard for me to pick the hobby first anyway.


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## ZergFront (Mar 24, 2012)

BF, not GF here but he better not make me choose because he'll lose. Nobody is going to tell me how to live my life.


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## kelvintheiah (Mar 24, 2012)

comprise indeed.


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## burmish101 (Mar 24, 2012)

I used to have a GF who wouldnt tolerate any of this hobby and that just wasnt worth it. Give em an inch they take a mile as they say. In the long run her attitude of this extended to many other things and we obviously didnt work out. Nowadays I have allot of friends that know im a good person/into some weird crap i.e. snakes/bugs/heavy body mods but theyre still there for me in the craziest situations ever and accept me for who I am(99% of my friends hate bugs/snakes/the heavy mods I have and could never see themselves getting that kind of stuff, most dont even have a tattoo or piercing). I would never let someone outright change anything about me anymore but relationship speaking I would of course be open for compromise. IMO if she cant at the very least compromise find somebody who will, with the huge amount of people out there nowadays it might take a while certainly but youll get there. Theres more wrong people out there than there are right, look at the divorce rate. Dont let anyone control you, i will stress compromise if they wont  find someone who is/can be accepting of your little "qwerks".


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## Formerphobe (Mar 24, 2012)

> Ask this of people in relationships and those who are not. Every time you will get very different answers. Each relationship will have very different levels of commitment/compromise/expectations. It really comes down to what is important to you and how much you have invested in your significant other. *However, if it is early in a relationship, i.e. dating, and that person is already formulating the details of how you live your life consider it a big, red flag.* I started this hobby after I was already married and will readily admit that it has caused trouble on occasion but it has taught the both of us how to better compromise.
> 
> Shoes vs. inverts = bargaining power!


Well said!

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## Jared781 (Mar 24, 2012)

Since its between: Get rid of Ts FOREVER OR your _current_ GF
.... ID say dump GF as you can always get anotha

---------- Post added 03-24-2012 at 11:10 AM ----------

Yet if it was between: Get rid of Ts FOREVER or you cant have a girlfriend AGAIN, Id stick with the Ts because in my opinion.... Whats wrong with the single life?


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## Tcrazy (Mar 24, 2012)

Don't change so people will like you. Be your self and the right people will love the real you

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## Lenxx (Mar 24, 2012)

I got my first T after living with my hubby for over ten years... and he is a "phobie".
Guess he really loves me. 
And if he ever would ask me to rid of them again, i know he would not ask that of me without a seriously good reason, and thats why i wouldnt choose the Ts, or any hobby, over him.


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## seacowst (Mar 24, 2012)

Lenxx said:


> I got my first T after living with my hubby for over ten years... and he is a "phobie".
> Guess he really loves me.
> And if he ever would ask me to rid of them again, i know he would not ask that of me without a seriously good reason, and thats why i wouldnt choose the Ts, or any hobby, over him.


phobie lol cute


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## Redneck (Mar 25, 2012)

When I was with an ex of mine, she said she didn't mind the Ts, ball pythons, bearded dragons, geckos, ect., ect...
However, I went out without her knowledge and bought a 6.5-7 foot boa. 

As soon as she saw it, she said nope, either it was her or the boa. 

I went on to building a decent 4'x4'x2' enclosure for sweet-pea.

The second I get an "ultimatum", I'm going the route that's going too piss off someone other than myself.


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## DannyH (Mar 25, 2012)

She doesn't need to like them, she needs to tolerate them. But if she did lovet hem, thats a plus. If she wants me, she must want every part of me, tarantulas and all.

..but maybe thats why I'm single.


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## seacowst (Mar 25, 2012)

i saw a comic in a old copy or reptiles magazine and it said do you expect this man and his reptiles and thats how it should be with your ts


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## Quazgar (Mar 25, 2012)

Being married, particularly considering that the wife was here first, if it ever came down to a situation where there truly could be no chance of coexistance between her and the tarantulas, she would win out. As it is, she doesn't like them but will tolerate them, so long as she does not have to interact with them.

If I was single, it would depend on how serious the relationship and my feelings towards the girl. It ultimately would also depend on the actual situation and how seriously and strongly the girl felt. If she was just being whiny and baby-ish, then a way could be figured out. If she had a true, major issue with it, then I would be more likely to give it up. For real life examples, while my wife doesn't like the T's, she can ignore them and be ok. However, she has an extreme aversion to snakes, to the point where she won't even look at a picture of one if she doesn't have to, so I know that I will probably never get one.

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## Christoffer (Jun 7, 2012)

My girl would NEVER ask me to get rid of my t's even tho she is a little arachnophobic. If she asked me, she wouldnt be the girl I know and I would say that she would have to go for asking me such a horrible thing ! But again, she would never ask me that and thats one of the many things I love about her. 

I might add that I've been doing this for 10 years and I have been with her for 2.5 years


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## Bugmom (Jun 7, 2012)

Pets would go if it came down to them or someone I love, but I because I surround myself with animals and bugs of all kinds, I'd likely not get serious with someone who didn't like, or at least tolerate, them. Keeping pets is part of my personality, and something I get so much enjoyment out of. Thankfully my boyfriend finds my fondness for hairy leggy things endearing, and isn't too opposed to having more of them. I'm also lucky to have a kid that thinks bugs are awesome.


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## AngryMothNoises (Jun 8, 2012)

SgtSparkles said:


> If she loves you she wont want to change you


I agree. But It also depends on how long I have been with my bf. Like, if I raised my Ts from slings and had them for ten years VS a partner that wanted to move in with me, but we were only together for a year or something... The Ts win. I love my Ts like all my other pets, and I see them as part of my family. While they may not feel the same emotion as cats and dogs... My statement still stands.


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## le-thomas (Jun 8, 2012)

I really can't see myself ever getting in a relationship anyways, but these here bug are my passion. That would be like asking me to never listen to music again.

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## coldvaper (Aug 1, 2012)

Any person who would make you choose probably isn't worth having around, ultimatums are a no no at least for me.


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## uncle charlie (Aug 1, 2012)

If you go into a relationship with me after I started my hobby, then if you don't like it, you will be shown the door! 

Sent from my BlackBerry 9800 using Tapatalk


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## Anonymity82 (Aug 1, 2012)

My fiance begged me not to get a tarantula because they're creepy when I got an emperor scorpion. I told her they're usually nothing to worry about but I wont. A few months later my scorpion died so I went to get another and this is the text she gets from me "I'm getting a tarantula." 

Guess what? That night she let it crawl on her and even held it. I told her she can name it if she handled it. She never handled it again and honestly the excitement for handling is far gone so I don't risk it anymore either but the point has been made. She's happy that something is making me happy so that's enough for her to let me have them. She's grown to accept them, although I don't think I'll see the day she actually likes them, but this is good enough for me.

She just doesn't understand why I want to spend money on them. I can't understand why she gets her hair done when she does a pretty good job herself.


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## SpidaFly (Aug 1, 2012)

The girlfriend would have to go. Why? Because if I'm with someone who asked me to give up a passion, it means they probably don't love me that much and are just trying to use emotional extortion to get power over me.

That said I've been with my wife for 12 years. I've always loved tarantulas but have never owned one during our relationship because of her fear of spiders. She finally let me buy 2 slings this year and is rapidly losing her phobia.

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## Skeri (Aug 1, 2012)

Honestly if its at that point in the relationship i'd say tell her your keeping the Ts. She knew you had them when yall started dating. Its like telling her to get rid of her cat that she had previous to the relationship because you hate cats. Its just not fair. My fiance hated the idea at first, but still let me get Ts because he knew it meant alot to me. Now he likes them too and helps me feed them and technically a few of them are his now. I'd talk to her about it and maybe make a way where she doesn't have to deal with them, but if she really cared she would compromise and attempt to understand.


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## lesliefox719 (Aug 1, 2012)

Been married for 7 years, my husband and I met when we were both 19, working at a pet store.  We respect each others' choices as pets go - he's snake crazy and I'm tarantula crazy.  Only dispute we've ever had was over a Burmese python that was getting too big for him to handle.  He's even been bit by my pokie and still doesn't mind the spiders, so I would choose him, because he's never made me choose.


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## Stan Schultz (Aug 3, 2012)

melijoc said:


> If one day your gf asks you to move in together but tells you that your t collection has to go cuz she absolutely hates them. What do you do? Do you A get rid of your t collection or B tell her absolutely not, cuz you love your ts too much. Sad to say but some of our fellow t lovers out there faces this same situation and is stuck into making a tough decision. your ts or the gf?


Tough question. But, how much you love your tarantulas isn't the important issue here.

Although any relationship is a sort of give and take affair, both sides have to be willing to tolerate, if not encourage, the other's point of view and idiosyncrasies. After all, that's why you're interested in them, right? They're different from everybody else!

The fact that the law was laid down, in effect you're being held hostage, would make me very apprehensive about the future of the relationship. Is this setting the tone for the next how-many decades? What's going to happen when she decides she doesn't like your car? Or, you going out with the guys on Friday evening? Or, going fishing?

It's hard to make a judgement because we know nothing about *YOUR* relationship with her, how many demands you've made or even how long you've known the girl, for instance. (I'm presuming that at least you don't have a baby together!) But, if even one side is uncomfortable (and you clearly are or you wouldn't have posted this query), the long range future looks pretty grim.

Have you seen *Nitro boat vs whiny girlfriend*?

On a different note, how many reptile/arachnid shows have you attended? If you've been to even one, how many girls/women did you see wandering around the exhibits, actually interested in the animals?

Do you get where I'm going with this?

If it doesn't look right or feel right, ... the one thing you don't want to do is to try to force it to make it *BE RIGHT*. A committed relationship is tough enough as it is, that's why so many fail. You don't need *ANY* excess baggage!


Enjoy your little, 8-legged, Ann Landers! And, best of luck.

:biggrin:

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## charm271 (Aug 4, 2012)

My first thought if the BF was a pain in the bottom he would go, if not they would go.

In reality I have a partner and he is pretty good to me with the hobby.  Even got me a B. smithi once.  But he has no interest in the hobby.  He does comment most of the time I want to buy a T, "Do you really need another?"  I have probably said the same thing to him too when he has wanted something for his hobbies and interests.

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## Ultum4Spiderz (Aug 4, 2012)

melijoc said:


> If one day your gf asks you to move in together but tells you that your t collection has to go cuz she absolutely hates them. What do you do? Do you A get rid of your t collection or B tell her absolutely not, cuz you love your ts too much. Sad to say but some of our fellow t lovers out there faces this same situation and is stuck into making a tough decision. your ts or the gf?


VERY- ! Hard decision , good communication skills would clear up bad opinions on Ts.
Nhandu's hairs mess me up really bad I would sell them pretty fast.
Yes I am depressed & wish I wasnt single. Tell her you really like your pet spiders & care about them say she can pick her own Exotic pet lizards etc.


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## Arachninja (Aug 5, 2012)

Uh, this is probably not the right answer, but I was deathly afraid of Gar (fish) as a child so my dad tossed me in the lake while they were everywhere spawning.  I almsot walked on water!  And not only did I learn how fast I could swim, I figured out that the little Gar at least, were scared of me too.  So maybe just chuck her in a big kittie pool of mixed T's(nothing super venomous of course), and watch her jump out headfirst.  Then hold her there untill either she, or you is dead.  I am not doctor Phil or anything, but call it "trial and error",  I do consider myself sensitive, compared to most people I know.

---------- Post added 08-05-2012 at 12:20 AM ----------

My wife thinks::: Keep the guns, T's and Money, get rid of lingerers..., and the socialist!,       This is why I love her


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## Alltheworld601 (Aug 9, 2012)

Im surprised to see how many people would give up their pets for their significant others!  Compromise is a wonderful thing.  But in the event that it is not possible, in my opinion anyway, you're with the wrong person if you ever have to give up any other LIVING thing in order to be with them!  Sorry, but animals will win out every time whether its a tarantula or a dog.  As humans we have the power to decide to care for something that cannot speak for itself for the entirety of its lifetime.  We humans have the power to stand up for things, and should use that power if its really necessary.  I've been in a happy relationship for two years.  We do compromise on the number of pets allowed in the house, and that's fine.  But should I ever be told I had to get rid of them?  Haha, sorry, I'll be finding a home for the human long before I find a home for the pets.


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## Deftones90 (Aug 9, 2012)

The herps and inverts were here first sooooo if I had to choose ( which like others said is kinda wrong for someone to ask) it'd be the animals. My policy is "At the end of the day, you gotta look out for yourself and YOUR best interest. Because if you don't no one else will."


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## le-thomas (Aug 9, 2012)

Allow me to quote the (not so) great Katy Perry: "This is the part of me that you're never gonna ever take away from me".

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## Stan Schultz (Aug 9, 2012)

If you want to know who really loves you, lock both your spouse and your dog in the trunk of your car.

Come back an hour later and open the trunk.


Enjoy your little 8-legged buddies!

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## PrettyHate (Aug 9, 2012)

Pikaia said:


> If you want to know who really loves you, lock both your spouse and your dog in the trunk of your car.
> 
> Come back an hour later and open the trunk.
> 
> ...


THAT is funny as hell!


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## Buck0525 (Aug 9, 2012)

Gf can take a hike. Anything non-human has always treated me better than an actual human. ::


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## Shell (Aug 9, 2012)

If your relationship is at a point where you are being made to choose, then your relationship isn't a healthy one. If someone really loves you, they won't ask you to change. I had tarantulas long before I met my boyfriend, he isn't really into them, but he is interested and will help with them on occasion.


le-thomas, thank you so much for getting this stuck in my head :wall:


le-thomas said:


> Allow me to quote the (not so) great Katy Perry: "This is the part of me that you're never gonna ever take away from me".


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## Vespula (Aug 9, 2012)

I've never dated, but I wouldn't date any guy who would try to make me get rid of my spiders. They are who I am, and if someone can't handle that, then why should they get me?


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