# Lame spider jokes



## butch4skin (Nov 12, 2007)

Alright, this thread is to see who can come up with the lamest spider-oriented joke. The only rule is that you have to at least claim that you made it up yourself. That way, if you lie and get called out on it, everyone else gets to laugh and call you a loser because you couldn't even make up your own corny joke. Anyway, here's the first one. What's ironic about the scientific name Ceratogyrus bechuanicus? The fact that I betcha-_don't_-wanna-kiss from one of those! ...Huh? It's good, right?


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## Drachenjager (Nov 12, 2007)

no, but better than anything that i can come up with off the top of my head lol


Little Miss Muffet 
sat on her tuffet
playing with her T
the big orange spider 
bit down on her 
must have been an OBT

see what i mean

Reactions: Like 1


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## butch4skin (Nov 12, 2007)

Awww, come on. You telling me you can't do better(worse) than that?

Reactions: Like 1


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## butch4skin (Nov 12, 2007)

Drachenjager said:


> no, but better than anything that i can come up with off the top of my head lol
> 
> 
> Little Miss Muffet
> ...


HA! I like it, you'll put Bill Shakespeare out of business yet. Keep 'em coming.

Reactions: Like 1


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## Drachenjager (Nov 12, 2007)

butch4skin said:


> HA! I like it, you'll put Bill Shakespeare out of business yet. Keep 'em coming.


I just got my first OBT last night at the DFW_TAG meeting lol i already love that thing.


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## butch4skin (Nov 12, 2007)

Drachenjager said:


> I just got my first OBT last night at the DFW_TAG meeting lol i already love that thing.


Oh, everyone needs at least one OBT and one G. aureostriata, to maintain some sort of balance. That much, at least, is obvious.


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## AubZ (Nov 12, 2007)

A T walks into it's hide....OUCH!

Reactions: Like 1


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## butch4skin (Nov 12, 2007)

Ok ok...A T walks into a bar, right? And the bartender says, "Hey, why the long 'pace?"

note: 'pace is short for carapace. It's a stretch, I know, but...

Reactions: Like 1


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## AubZ (Nov 12, 2007)

Haha...
What do you call a fem Goliath guarding her eggsac???   Maam.


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## ChrisNCT (Nov 12, 2007)

ok ok heres one...

Whats Scoobys favorite T?


A Gooooty gootie  blue!


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## The_Thunderer (Nov 12, 2007)

ChrisNCT said:


> ok ok heres one...
> 
> Whats Scoobys favorite T?
> 
> ...


OOOOHHHH!  LOL!  I like this one... kinda....

Reactions: Like 1


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## butch4skin (Nov 12, 2007)

good stuff people


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## mikeythefireman (Nov 12, 2007)

ChrisNCT said:


> ok ok heres one...
> 
> Whats Scoobys favorite T?
> 
> ...


The key with this one is to say it aloud with witnesses.   I love this joke and hardly anyone I know is gonna get it.


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## butch4skin (Nov 12, 2007)

mikeythefireman said:


> The key with this one is to say it aloud with witnesses.   I love this joke and hardly anyone I know is gonna get it.


Dude, if your older than 20 or so you should get it, no excuses.


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## Nivek (Nov 12, 2007)

I'm trying to resist the urge to pok(i)e fun at you all.:}


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## AubZ (Nov 12, 2007)

Just like Pokiemon


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## opusmaxJ8W (Nov 12, 2007)

What was the T's secret to success?

B. klaasi


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## Talkenlate04 (Nov 12, 2007)

opusmaxJ8W said:


> What was the T's secret to success?
> 
> B. klaasi


:?  I have no clue what the joke was, or might have been. Guess that does make it a bad joke though


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## AubZ (Nov 12, 2007)

Maybe the answer should be - "Going to B klassi"


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## ShadowBlade (Nov 12, 2007)

I just spend hours combing through my comedian-in-training brain, and came up with this beauty. Be sure to warn you audience not to drink before telling them this.

Why did the tarantula cross the road?

To get to the other side.

-Sean


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## Talkenlate04 (Nov 12, 2007)

ShadowBlade said:


> I just spend hours combing through my comedian-in-training brain, and came up with this beauty. Be sure to warn you audience not to drink before telling them this.
> 
> Why did the tarantula cross the road?
> 
> ...


:worship: :worship: :worship:


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## Alakdan (Nov 12, 2007)

ShadowBlade said:


> I just spend hours combing through my comedian-in-training brain, and came up with this beauty. Be sure to warn you audience not to drink before telling them this.
> 
> Why did the tarantula cross the road?
> 
> ...


Arrgh! You beat me to it!!


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## ShadowBlade (Nov 12, 2007)

opusmaxJ8W said:


> What was the T's secret to success?
> 
> B. klaasi





talkenlate04 said:


> :?  I have no clue what the joke was, or might have been. Guess that does make it a bad joke though


'Be classy'  

-Sean


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## Talkenlate04 (Nov 12, 2007)

ShadowBlade said:


> 'Be classy'
> 
> -Sean



I am going to go get some coffee. At freaking 618 in the morning at the start of a 12 hour day, never ever under estimate the power of coffee. I guess more sleep would help to.


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## ShadowBlade (Nov 12, 2007)

Ooh ooh, I got another one. I'm on a roll.

Why did the tarantula cross the park?

To get to the other slide  

-Sean


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## Drachenjager (Nov 12, 2007)

talkenlate04 said:


> :?  I have no clue what the joke was, or might have been. Guess that does make it a bad joke though


it is "Be Classy" B. klassi


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## Talkenlate04 (Nov 12, 2007)

FINE I will be equally as lame as this entire thread. 

Why did the tarantula cross the tank?

Too bury the water dish.
 
Ok seriously, this has to be locked now, I can't take it anymore. 



Drachenjager said:


> it is "Be Classy" B. klassi


Hey if you point it out one more time maybe I will get it.   Did you read the other 5 responses before you saying the SAME THING? 
I Must have COFFEE!


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## Drachenjager (Nov 12, 2007)

talkenlate04 said:


> FINE I will be equally as lame as this entire thread.
> 
> Why did the tarantula cross the tank?
> 
> ...


lol best one yet



talkenlate04 said:


> Hey if you point it out one more time maybe I will get it.   Did you read the other 5 responses before you saying the SAME THING?
> I Must have COFFEE!


lol nope i didnt lol when i got that far own i thought to myself , "self, you should have read the rest of the thread before replying " but then thought NAHHH maybe Ryan will read this one AFTER his coffee lol


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## -Sarah- (Nov 12, 2007)

Okay okay, here's one:

Why did the tarantula cross the road?

(Silence)

To mate on the other side!  


Or how about... A man walks into a bar with a tarantula. The tarantula flops down on the counter and after 5 drinks it passes out. The man gets up to leave and the bartender points at the T and goes, "Hey! You can't just leave that lyin' there!" The man says, "That's not a lion. It's a *tarantula*!"

(*Proceeds to get booed off the thread*)

-Sarah


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## ShadowBlade (Nov 12, 2007)

talkenlate04 said:


> Why did the tarantula cross the tank?
> 
> Too bury the water dish.


Mine's still the lamest, because it used the original punchline. 

-Sean


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## Le Wasp (Nov 12, 2007)

ShadowBlade said:


> Why did the tarantula cross the road?
> 
> -Sean


...To eat all the chickens that didn't make it?


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## AubZ (Nov 12, 2007)

What does a T look for when buying a floor matt???

Moultability


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## ShadowBlade (Nov 12, 2007)

What did the cricket say to the tarantula?

Nothing, crickets can't talk   

-Sean


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## butch4skin (Nov 12, 2007)

ShadowBlade said:


> What did the cricket say to the tarantula?
> 
> Nothing, crickets can't talk
> 
> -Sean


I dunno, what?


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## butch4skin (Nov 12, 2007)

ShadowBlade said:


> I just spend hours combing through my comedian-in-training brain, and came up with this beauty. Be sure to warn you audience not to drink before telling them this.
> 
> Why did the tarantula cross the road?
> 
> ...


I think we have a winner, people.


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## AubZ (Nov 12, 2007)

Which T did David Kill???

The Goliath


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## butch4skin (Nov 12, 2007)

Why did the H lividum seal itself in a hole for 3 months?






Because it was feeling _blue_! Yeah, I'll be here all week.


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## -Sarah- (Nov 12, 2007)

Oh come on. Mine were funny! Seriously! How come we don't have "honorable mentions"?? ;P 

-Sarah


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## AubZ (Nov 12, 2007)

Miss B klassi met up with Mr T blondi.   He really loved her cute lil 'pink toes' even though she had 'Antilles'.


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## mikeythefireman (Nov 12, 2007)

butch4skin said:


> Dude, if your older than 20 or so you should get it, no excuses.


:wall: They'll get the Scooby reference, the P. metallica reference might leave them stumped.

Mikey


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## R.W. (Nov 12, 2007)

The B. albopilosum looked in the mirror and said: "I hate bad hair days!"

What do you want for nothing? Rubber Biscuit!


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## Drachenjager (Nov 12, 2007)

mikeythefireman said:


> :wall: They'll get the Scooby reference, the P. metallica reference might leave them stumped.
> 
> Mikey


hmm what dance to P. metallicas do?
the gooty bump or the goot scoot boogie


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## Dev (Nov 12, 2007)

There was once a male T, he was done mating with the female T. Once they finished the male T thought to himself "o crap im in a 'hairy' situation now"


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## ShadowBlade (Nov 12, 2007)

Mine so won. I challenge anyone to come up with a lamer joke. 

*Highlight my posts, I hide words in them sometimes*

-Sean


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## Arachno_Shack (Nov 12, 2007)

Ok....

A guy walks into a bar with a Rosehair on his shoulder. The bartender ask's: "Where the hell did you find that?"..........


The Rosehair says: "A pet store, they're everywhere!"


Sorry............


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## Truff135 (Nov 12, 2007)

Why did the rosea cross the tank?

Oh, wait....she didn't.

Da dum DUM!  :worship:


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## Drachenjager (Nov 12, 2007)

hows this

My G. rosea moved.


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## butch4skin (Nov 12, 2007)

Drachenjager said:


> hows this
> 
> My G. rosea moved.


Well that's just a filthy lie.


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## Drachenjager (Nov 12, 2007)

butch4skin said:


> Well that's just a filthy lie.


oh yeah thats for the T liar thread


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## SPIDERBYTE (Nov 13, 2007)

What do you get for trying to creatively re-arrange your OBT's tank while she's still in there?

FANG-SHUI!


One female T asks another: "So how was your first date?"
reply: ---"Delicious---BUUURRRRPP!!"


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## butch4skin (Nov 13, 2007)

SPIDERBYTE said:


> What do you get for trying to creatively re-arrange your OBT's tank while she's still in there?
> 
> FANG-SHUI!
> 
> ...


Oh, that's rich.


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## The_Thunderer (Nov 13, 2007)

Sarah_88 said:


> Or how about... A man walks into a bar with a tarantula. The tarantula flops down on the counter and after 5 drinks it passes out. The man gets up to leave and the bartender points at the T and goes, "Hey! You can't just leave that lyin' there!" The man says, "That's not a lion. It's a *tarantula*!"
> 
> (*Proceeds to get booed off the thread*)
> 
> -Sarah


I won't boo you, but someone has to get the HOOK!!!


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## GOMER113 (Nov 13, 2007)

The following is based on an actual conversation I had with my wife last night.  It has been modified to qualify as a lame joke.

Me: I didn't even notice how fat Tari's adomen is.
Wife: You're probably overfeeding her.
Me: I haven't fed her since last Sunday.  It's been 8 days.
Wife: Are you sure?
Me: Yes, I'm sure.  One thing that might be possible, though, is that she may have been caught in the wild and I've been reading about quite a few people buying wild caught females and they turn out to be gravid.
Wife: Pregnant?
Me: Eggsac-ly.


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## Pink-Poodle88 (Nov 13, 2007)

You want the lamest spider joke? Simple, just watch "arachnophobia" or basically any of those low budget 1950's horror films. Those are by far the ultimate spider jokes.


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## spartybassoon (Nov 13, 2007)

Except, Arachnophobia is GOOD movie...


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## Truff135 (Nov 13, 2007)

spartybassoon said:


> Except, Arachnophobia is GOOD movie...


Good for a laugh maybe   
It's been a while since I've seen it, didn't that spider at the end jump like 20 feet across the room or something ridiculous like that?  LOL!  I always remember though how sad I felt when that one guy stepped on the spider on a porch or something...man it's really been a long time...


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## -Sarah- (Nov 13, 2007)

The_Thunderer said:


> I won't boo you, but someone has to get the HOOK!!!


Well, at least I didn't get booed yet :worship: Hey, it looks like a ton of people are "hooked" on this thread!  

(Wowee, another lame joke. I'm on a hot buttered roll here, people!)

-Sarah


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## Truff135 (Nov 13, 2007)

Stop making me hungry, Sarah!
Also, let me be the first to boo you!
...
No, I can't.  I don't have it in me to boo anything (except the Wolverines  )


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## AubZ (Nov 13, 2007)

Seeing as I'm feeling very Gooty tonight, let's see...

Why did the T cross the road?

Cuz the idiot owner forgot to close the lid.


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## bushbuster (Nov 13, 2007)

Originally Posted by LordofScorpions  
I currently have a five in a half, gallon tank, I was wondering could I house a Rose Hair in it? 
You have a 5 in a 1/2 Gallon tank? I wouldn't put a Rose Hair in it, if a 5 is residing there. I hear those 5's are really, really horrid creatures, and no Rosie should ever be subjected to one.


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## jeff1962 (Nov 13, 2007)

butch4skin said:


> Why did the H lividum seal itself in a hole for 3 months?
> 
> 
> 
> ...


 This is the best one yet !


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## butch4skin (Nov 13, 2007)

Check this out. What is the most fabulous Theraphosid genus?


























Homoeomma(nobody get defensive it's just a joke).


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## Drachenjager (Nov 13, 2007)

butch4skin said:


> Check this out. What is the most fabulous Theraphosid genus?
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I dont get it?.?


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## Talkenlate04 (Nov 13, 2007)

most fabulous

Homoeomma

He's just trying to hard now.


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## Rain_Flower (Nov 13, 2007)

Drachenjager said:


> I dont get it?.?


most fabulous... "homo" get it?

edit: Darnit ryan you beat me by a minute...


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## butch4skin (Nov 13, 2007)

I haven't even begun to try hard.


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## Talkenlate04 (Nov 13, 2007)

Yippie can't wait for more.


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## butch4skin (Nov 13, 2007)

talkenlate04 said:


> Yippie can't wait for more.


I'm sure you'll be hanging on my every word Ryan. Nice to know I have fans.


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## Talkenlate04 (Nov 13, 2007)

Now I remember who you remind me of...... phil jones........


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## butch4skin (Nov 13, 2007)

Who's that?


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## Drachenjager (Nov 13, 2007)

Rain_Flower said:


> most fabulous... "homo" get it?
> 
> edit: Darnit ryan you beat me by a minute...


makes no sense to me
oh well
when i think of fabulous i think of the Beatles you know the Fab 4


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## Arachno_Shack (Nov 13, 2007)

Well since we're goin' there......


A little girl was playing in the garden when she spied two spiders mating. 

"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked. 

"They're mating," her father replied. 

"What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she asked. 

"That's a daddy long legs," her father answered. 

"So, the other one is a mommy long legs?" the little girl asked. 

"No," her father replied. "Both of them are daddy long legs." 

The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat. 

"Well, we're not having any of THAT in our garden." 




An oldie, but a goodie...I think!


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## Drachenjager (Nov 13, 2007)

Arachno_Shack said:


> Well since we're goin' there......
> 
> 
> A little girl was playing in the garden when she spied two spiders mating.
> ...




groan..........


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## Arachno_Shack (Nov 13, 2007)

Drachenjager said:


> groan..........


Hmmm does that mean I get the hook?


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## Drachenjager (Nov 13, 2007)

Why dont you use mirrored bottomed water dishes in your T tank?







The T. blondi would drown itself...


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## Drachenjager (Nov 13, 2007)

Arachno_Shack said:


> Hmmm does that mean I get the hook?


not from me, im not a hook er


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## Arachno_Shack (Nov 13, 2007)

Drachenjager said:


> not from me, im not a hook er


Now, THAT"S lame!!!....lol....


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## Fenrir (Nov 13, 2007)

I think im losing brain cells from reading these...


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## butch4skin (Nov 13, 2007)

Fenrir said:


> I think im losing brain cells from reading these...


You better quit, then, because you don't have many to spare.OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

ba-dum-BAH!


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## Fenrir (Nov 13, 2007)

> You better quite, then, because you don't have many top spare.OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!


quit* it seems you have already been affected by the jokes


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## butch4skin (Nov 13, 2007)

Fenrir said:


> quit* it seems you have already been affected by the jokes


Yeh, wel, I sturted teh thred, did'nt eye?


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## ParabuthusKing (Nov 13, 2007)

butch4skin said:


> Alright, this thread is to see who can come up with the lamest spider-oriented joke. The only rule is that you have to at least claim that you made it up yourself. That way, if you lie and get called out on it, everyone else gets to laugh and call you a loser because you couldn't even make up your own corny joke. Anyway, here's the first one. What's ironic about the scientific name Ceratogyrus bechuanicus? The fact that I betcha-_don't_-wanna-kiss from one of those! ...Huh? It's good, right?


I think this is my favorite :worship: :worship:


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## chance (Nov 14, 2007)

*Lame Joke*

MM T...I have searched burrow after burrow and I cant find t.Blondi!

Sling..Did she tell ya what she looked like man?


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## chance (Nov 14, 2007)

MMT...No but she sounded like a real KILLER!!


Chance......sorry i didnt mean to post the first part accedent


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## AubZ (Nov 14, 2007)

butch4skin said:


> Alright, this thread is to see who can come up with the lamest spider-oriented joke. *The only rule is that you have to at least claim that you made it up yourself. That way, if you lie and get called out on it, everyone else gets to laugh and call you a loser because you couldn't even make up your own corny joke.* Anyway, here's the first one. What's ironic about the scientific name Ceratogyrus bechuanicus? The fact that I betcha-_don't_-wanna-kiss from one of those! ...Huh? It's good, right?


*Let me be the first to point & laugh * 



Arachno_Shack said:


> Well since we're goin' there......
> 
> 
> A little girl was playing in the garden when she spied two spiders mating.
> ...


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## butch4skin (Nov 14, 2007)

Arachnoshack, did you break the rules? You know what the penalty for that is...


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## chance (Nov 14, 2007)

*T.Blondi*

I did the T.Blondi climb over the glass????


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## chance (Nov 14, 2007)

*T.Blondi*

I did the T.Blondi climb over the glass????










To see what was on the other side!!


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## butch4skin (Nov 14, 2007)

to get to the other hide


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## NevularScorpion (Nov 14, 2007)

Ok since where in this joking thing i might as well share some jokes of my own .... ok ..why do dead T blondi cross the road? ........because they are stapled with the chicken


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## butch4skin (Nov 14, 2007)

Did you hear the one about the priest, the avic, and the one-eyed Laotian hooker?


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## butch4skin (Nov 14, 2007)

<edit>  <edit>  <edit>  <edit>   <edit>  !      <edit>.  <edit>   <edit>,   <edit><edit><edit>, to which the pinktoe replied, "no, that's my leg 4 you dumb <edit>!"


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## AubZ (Nov 14, 2007)

We speaking in edits now.

Why did the Avic jump from one brach to another?

Cuz it can.


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## butch4skin (Nov 14, 2007)

nuh uh                                                          .


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## Scorpendra (Nov 14, 2007)

why did the Pamphobeteus sp. cross the road?

it was dragging the chicken.


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## AubZ (Nov 14, 2007)

Which T sailed out to sea??

A seemanni


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## GOMER113 (Nov 14, 2007)

^ And there you go.  Corny.  Lame.  Perfect.


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## AubZ (Nov 14, 2007)

SO do I WIN!!!!  Huh Huh!!!


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## GOMER113 (Nov 14, 2007)

I don't know...  I kind of liked my "eggsac-ly" joke.


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## T 'n T (Nov 14, 2007)

Why is there only half a cricket in the vial?

Because it’s butt was in a sling.


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## AubZ (Nov 14, 2007)

Mine was a original one liner.


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## butch4skin (Nov 14, 2007)

We may just have to have winners for different categories of jokes, sorta like superlatives. I just see too much genius flying around for there to be just one winner.


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## MadTitan (Nov 14, 2007)

T 'n T said:


> Why is there only half a cricket in the vial?
> 
> Because it’s butt was in a sling.


I declare you the WINNER in the Funniest Joke category.


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## Widowman10 (Nov 14, 2007)

Truff135 said:


> No, I can't.  I don't have it in me to boo anything (except the Wolverines  )


YEAH!!! boo the wolverines! go MSU! 

(sorry, i think i just got waaaay off-topic:8o  couldn't help myself...)

oh- and i liked the "egg-sacly" joke. that get's my vote!!


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## Nitibus (Nov 14, 2007)

Why was my Chromatopelma cyaneopubescens depressed ? 



It has the green bottle blues


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## AubZ (Nov 14, 2007)

Which T starred in the Matrix??

Agent B Smithi


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## -Sarah- (Nov 14, 2007)

Truff135 said:


> Stop making me hungry, Sarah!
> Also, let me be the first to boo you!
> ...
> No, I can't.  I don't have it in me to boo anything (except the Wolverines  )



Okay, I'll admit. I'm in love with food! How can I not share my love of food with everybody??  

Well thanks, at least that's one more person who won't boo me  Speaking of booing teams, I like booing the Dallas Cowboys and the Tennessee Titans...

 

-Sarah


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## Scorpendra (Nov 14, 2007)

what Ts are always in contact?
A-phone-opelma spp.!

what did one arachnokeeper give another for Valentine's day?
a boquet of roseas!

why did the man stop doing to McDonalds?
they started serving Big Maculatas!

what tarantula is in every cobbler's collection?
Holothele shoemakeri


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## Truff135 (Nov 14, 2007)

Sarah_88 said:


> Okay, I'll admit. I'm in love with food! How can I not share my love of food with everybody??
> 
> Well thanks, at least that's one more person who won't boo me  Speaking of booing teams, I like booing the Dallas Cowboys and the Tennessee Titans...
> 
> ...


Uh oh, don't say that around my husband, he's a die-hard Cowboys fan (it's OK though I don't like 'em either  )


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## The_Thunderer (Nov 14, 2007)

Truff135 said:


> Uh oh, don't say that around my husband, he's a die-hard Cowboys fan (it's OK though I don't like 'em either  )


Uh-oh!  Two of my favorite people on the boards don't like the Cowboys????  I was BORN in Texas!  LOL.  "If you prick me, do I not bleed silver and blue?"

SOB!!!!  I'm gonna have to add both of you to the "not-so-favorite-people" list now.... SOB!!!

       J/K!!!        

Go Cowboys!  Go Pokes!

Fred


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## Arachno_Shack (Nov 14, 2007)

butch4skin said:


> Arachnoshack, did you break the rules? You know what the penalty for that is...


We'll, you're right! I didn't make it up, but I didn't lie about making it up either...Hmmmm How many rules did I break???  

I thought it was funny, and just had to share....
I already submitted MY true, corny, self-adapted joke. Guess it wasn't that funny?....:? 

My vote is for the half a cricket in a vial joke....VERY creative!:clap:

Reactions: Like 1


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## butch4skin (Nov 14, 2007)

Arachno_Shack said:


> We'll, you're right! I didn't make it up, but I didn't lie about making it up either...Hmmmm How many rules did I break???
> 
> I thought it was funny, and just had to share....
> I already submitted MY true, corny, self-adapted joke. Guess it wasn't that funny?....:?
> ...


Technically you broke 0.5 rules.


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## chance (Nov 14, 2007)

*A Joke Q I made up*

Where should I bathe my T, in the sink or the bath tub?


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## AubZ (Nov 15, 2007)

chance said:


> Where should I bathe my T, in the sink or the bath tub?


If it's an OBT, then just mist him a lil bit.


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## Truff135 (Nov 15, 2007)

The_Thunderer said:


> Uh-oh!  Two of my favorite people on the boards don't like the Cowboys????  I was BORN in Texas!  LOL.  "If you prick me, do I not bleed silver and blue?"
> 
> SOB!!!!  I'm gonna have to add both of you to the "not-so-favorite-people" list now.... SOB!!!
> 
> ...


Oh nooooo!  Don't do that Fred!  I'll purposely stick my hand in my lividum's cage if my "oracle" decides to shun me.  I guess I shouldn't say I dislike the Cowboys...I root for them if they're playing against a team I care even less for LOL.


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## Drachenjager (Nov 15, 2007)

If you don't get this one , the answer to the last question is YOU.

Gary: Hey, what is that big reddish avic you have called?
Mark: You mean the Bicegoi?
Gary: Who are you callin GOY? !


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## -Sarah- (Nov 15, 2007)

Drachenjager said:


> If you don't get this one , the answer to the last question is YOU.
> 
> Gary: Hey, what is that big reddish avic you have called?
> Mark: You mean the Bicegoi?
> Gary: Who are you callin GOY? !



Wow, I think this is a winner also!  

-Sarah


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## AubZ (Nov 16, 2007)

Which T Loves to rock to Heavy Metal Music???

P metallica


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## Jewels0818 (Nov 16, 2007)

My vote goes to the "eggsac-ly" joke!


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## Tescos (Nov 16, 2007)

Q:-what did one spider say to the other?
A:-Hey I am the first ever English speaking spider!


Shame this spider lived in China eh. 

I vote this is the lamest and also the best joke because it was me that just made it up right there and then. Also the rest of the jokes all suck and I am really great.

If this joke has already appeared in this thread then that poster has been reading my mind in a kind of back to the future type of way.
Cheers
Chris


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## SPIDERBYTE (Nov 17, 2007)

Why was the old lady banned from the petstore?

-Cause "Gramma-stole-a-rosea!"


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## The_Thunderer (Nov 17, 2007)

SPIDERBYTE said:


> Why was the old lady banned from the petstore?
> 
> -Cause "Gramma-stole-a-rosea!"



LOL.  Good one!!!


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## Talkenlate04 (Nov 17, 2007)

SPIDERBYTE said:


> Why was the old lady banned from the petstore?
> 
> -Cause "Gramma-stole-a-rosea!"


That might be the best one on the whole thread.  :clap: :clap: :clap:


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## SPIDERBYTE (Nov 17, 2007)

How do you tell if Your T's been drinking too much caffeinated water?

It'll get "pedi-palpitations"


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## Talkenlate04 (Nov 17, 2007)

Ok now you over extended yourself. Lol, should have quit on a high note.


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## AubZ (Nov 17, 2007)

Tescos said:


> Q:-what did one spider say to the other?
> A:-Hey I am the first ever English speaking spider!
> 
> 
> Shame this spider lived in China eh.


That was nowhere near lame.   You went a few levels down from it.  Maybe even made a whole new level.  



> I vote this is the lamest and also the best joke because it was me that just made it up right there and then. Also the rest of the jokes all suck and I am really great.


Umm, have not most of us been making these lame jokes 'right there and then'.  Looks like your MAIN reason for being voted winner has been blown away.  Sorry.  
All of the jokes are suppose to suck or the name of this thread would be useless.   Am I right Butch???
What makes you so great???



> If this joke has already appeared in this thread then that poster has been reading my mind in a kind of back to the future type of way.


Don't worry, I don't think anyone else here has even came close to you, your greatness.


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## AubZ (Nov 17, 2007)

talkenlate04 said:


> Ok now you over extended yourself. Lol, should have quit on a high note.


Yeah, your first one was very good and original.


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## butch4skin (Nov 17, 2007)

Tescos said:


> Q:-what did one spider say to the other?
> A:-Hey I am the first ever English speaking spider!
> 
> 
> ...



I have complete authority over this thread and I say you suck. If you have the shameless audacity to write any such nonsense on my thread again, I will personally fly to Germany and challenge you to a duel. And yes, that will involve me slapping you in the face with a glove in a shameful manner within sight of your family and peers. Good day, Sir.


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## AubZ (Nov 17, 2007)

butch4skin said:


> And yes, that will involve me slapping you in the face with a glove in a shameful manner within sight of your family and peers.


And we have a winner.  No wait...that had nothing to do with spiders. :wall: 
Damn funny anyway.


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## Drachenjager (Nov 17, 2007)

if you tel your teacher that a tarantula ate your homework, and its true, you might be a T keeper


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## Drachenjager (Nov 17, 2007)

if you have ever purchased hemostats, and your not in the medical profession or a stoner, you might be a T keeper


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## butch4skin (Nov 17, 2007)

H. minax is not the devil.


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## AubZ (Nov 18, 2007)

butch4skin said:


> H. minax is not the devil.


DING DING DING (FIREWORKS) :clap: :clap: :clap: 

We have a winner.:worship:


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## Tescos (Nov 18, 2007)

butch4skin said:


> I have complete authority over this thread and I say you suck. If you have the shameless audacity to write any such nonsense on my thread again, I will personally fly to Germany and challenge you to a duel. And yes, that will involve me slapping you in the face with a glove in a shameful manner within sight of your family and peers. Good day, Sir.



And you sir are a cheat and a cad for trying to cheat me out of my winningness. I send my bottom gasses in your genral direction and hope that all the tarsus of legs III of all your spiders drop off for no reason what so ever.
A duel you may offer and I do accept chose your water melon for things will get banana like!


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## butch4skin (Nov 18, 2007)

Tescos said:


> And you sir are a cheat and a cad for trying to cheat me out of my winningness. I send my bottom gasses in your genral direction and hope that all the tarsus of legs III of all your spiders drop off for no reason what so ever.
> A duel you may offer and I do accept chose your water melon for things will get banana like!


Right, then. I suggest you produce an umbrella, because an old fashioned American shit storm should be coming your way shortly. And I expect a 12 pack of Heineken, on the house, and your mother in one of those adorable french maid outfits. Good day, Sir!


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## Arachno_Shack (Nov 18, 2007)

OK, but what's the average flight speed of a Swallow?....lol......


Couldn't help it....


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## spiders4life (Nov 18, 2007)

How many spiders does it take, to change a lightbulb??

One if its a LAMPropelma


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## Tescos (Nov 18, 2007)

butch4skin said:


> Right, then. I suggest you produce an umbrella, because an old fashioned American shit storm should be coming your way shortly. And I expect a 12 pack of Heineken, on the house, and your mother in one of those adorable french maid outfits. Good day, Sir!



Like the wizord of oz you mean? 
Sure you can have the Heineken I like proper beer anyway. 
You may wish to change your mind once you have seen my mother! 

You may want to wash those grapes before you start to swing them from the lamp posts so be forwarned!


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## FryLock (Nov 18, 2007)

Tescos said:


> You may wish to change your mind once you have seen my mother!


That said your mate Bob looks pretty good in a summer dress, better then me in a gimp suit any day.


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## Drachenjager (Nov 18, 2007)

butch4skin said:


> H. minax is not the devil.


That is not a joke, that is a ball faced lie


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## Drachenjager (Nov 18, 2007)

Tescos said:


> Like the wizord of oz you mean?
> Sure you can have the Heineken I like proper beer anyway.
> You may wish to change your mind once you have seen my mother!
> 
> You may want to wash those grapes before you start to swing them from the lamp posts so be forwarned!


yep i gotta wonder about a guy who wants to go to Germany and drink HEiney beer...


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## RoachGirlRen (Nov 18, 2007)

Why did the T keeper's wife divorce him?


She found someone else's Curly Hairs in the bed.



Well, we needed at least one dirty joke.


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## Talkenlate04 (Nov 18, 2007)

Drachenjager said:


> yep i gotta wonder about a guy who wants to go to Germany and drink HEiney beer...


Hmm makes me want to go the the REAL oktoberfest again. (sigh, good times)


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## butch4skin (Nov 18, 2007)

Tescos said:


> Like the wizord of oz you mean?
> Sure you can have the Heineken I like proper beer anyway.
> You may wish to change your mind once you have seen my mother!
> 
> You may want to wash those grapes before you start to swing them from the lamp posts so be forwarned!


Hey, say what you want about Heineken, but there's no call to dog on your mother. She might not be the best looking thing around, but I'd wager she could teach some of the younger girls a thing or two.


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## Tescos (Nov 18, 2007)

butch4skin said:


> Hey, say what you want about Heineken, but there's no call to dog on your mother. She might not be the best looking thing around, but I'd wager she could teach some of the younger girls a thing or two.


yes you are quite right. She is after all very good on a typewriter.

oh the plumps are going east before the fish make a strike with a water canon!


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## butch4skin (Nov 18, 2007)

Tescos said:


> yes you are quite right. She is after all very good on a typewriter.


Yeah, she pulls a mean Cincinatti Bowtie as well.


Tescos said:


> oh the plumps are going east before the fish make a strike with a water canon!


Don't you think I know that?


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## Tescos (Nov 18, 2007)

butch4skin said:


> Yeah, she pulls a mean Cincinatti Bowtie as well.


so it is you with that cup eh





butch4skin said:


> Don't you think I know that?



No of course you never as I just made it up! Now who looks like jam bun in a coconut farm!


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## Talkenlate04 (Nov 18, 2007)

Tescos said:


> No of course you never as I just made it up! Now who looks like jam bun in a coconut farm!


:clap: :clap: :clap:


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## butch4skin (Nov 18, 2007)

Tescos said:


> No of course you never as I just made it up! Now who looks like jam bun in a coconut farm!


Well done, my clever fellow. It seems my game is up. You are correct, I've no idea what that means. I just assumed it was some English nonsense. Seems I was right, as far as that goes. Now good day, Sir! We may continue this dialogue on the leeward side of some good old fashioned Alabama ass kicking, if you are amenable. Oh, and tell your mom I said what's up, with her fine ass.


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## AubZ (Nov 18, 2007)

Welcome to entertainment at it's best.

The laughs I get from here are priceless.


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## AubZ (Nov 18, 2007)

talkenlate04 said:


> :clap: :clap: :clap:


I just knew I could expect a reaction like that from you Ryan.


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## butch4skin (Nov 18, 2007)

Ryan, us Yanks gotta stick together. Come on. It's bad enough the whole world hates us(with good reason, perhaps). The least we can do is talk about their mothers.


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## butch4skin (Nov 18, 2007)

I've studied British culture in depth. It's fascinating. The most insulting thing you can do to an Englishman is to say, "Good day, sir!", in tones of exasperation. If you don't want to go that hardcore, you can say, "Well I never...", in tones of equal or lesser exasperation.


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## AubZ (Nov 18, 2007)

But isn't he from Germany???:?


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## butch4skin (Nov 18, 2007)

Tescos said:


> And you sir are a cheat and a cad for trying to cheat me out of my winningness. I send my bottom gasses in your genral direction and hope that all the tarsus of legs III of all your spiders drop off for no reason what so ever.
> A duel you may offer and I do accept chose your water melon for things will get banana like!


Sounds suspiciously British to me. Note the use of the word "cad", which most likely isn't a word.


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## AubZ (Nov 18, 2007)

The writing style had me think English, but his Location said otherwise.  Hmmm...


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## chandlermonster (Nov 18, 2007)

Did I say how much I love this thread??

Here's my contribution...




Why did Ricky Martin start growing six extra legs and urticating hairs?

He was living TarantuLA VIDA LOCA!!!


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## chandlermonster (Nov 18, 2007)

butch4skin said:


> Well done, my clever fellow. It seems my game is up. You are correct, I've no idea what that means. I just assumed it was some English nonsense. Seems I was right, as far as that goes. Now good day, Sir! We may continue this dialogue on the leeward side of some good old fashioned Alabama ass kicking, if you are amenable. Oh, and tell your mom I said what's up, with her fine ass.



DID SOMEBODY SAY GOOD OLD FASHIONED ALABAMA ASS KICKING!???

let me know if you need some backup butch.  I've got boots and a big truck, and I know how to use em.


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## butch4skin (Nov 18, 2007)

chandlermonster said:


> DID SOMEBODY SAY GOOD OLD FASHIONED ALABAMA ASS KICKING!???
> 
> let me know if you need some backup butch.  I've got boots and a big truck, and I know how to use em.


Right on, brother.


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## Drachenjager (Nov 18, 2007)

I am just sitting here wondering if this is rated PG or not lol We do have some younguns on the boards ya'll


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## AubZ (Nov 19, 2007)

Drachenjager said:


> I am just sitting here wondering if this is rated PG or not lol We do have some younguns on the boards ya'll


I'm pretty sure that the 'younguns' you mentioned pick up alot worse things going to school than here.


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## Talkenlate04 (Nov 19, 2007)

AubZ said:


> I'm pretty sure that the 'younguns' you mentioned pick up alot worse things going to school than here.


A perfect justification.


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## Drachenjager (Nov 19, 2007)

AubZ said:


> I'm pretty sure that the 'younguns' you mentioned pick up alot worse things going to school than here.


because people like us say these thing in front of our kids and worse...


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## Tescos (Nov 19, 2007)

wahahahaha dam this thread just got funny on this last page.


> The least we can do is talk about their mothers


You mean the most you can do. 


> I've studied


Yeah right!


> Sounds suspiciously British to me. Note the use of the word "cad", which most likely isn't a word


How is Bin Laden still on the run when all the F.B.I. needs to do is call and ask for the deductive powers of T.J. Hooker here.:worship: 


> The writing style had me think English, but his Location said otherwise. Hmmm...


Careful how you go now, I heard the last time you thought about something too hard you blew your house up looking for a gas leak with a box of matches!:8o 


> DID SOMEBODY SAY GOOD OLD FASHIONED ALABAMA ASS KICKING!???
> 
> let me know if you need some backup butch. I've got boots and a big truck, and I know how to use em.


They are most likely ok for that but a couple of extra white bed sheets may come in handy? 



> I am just sitting here wondering if this is rated PG or not lol We do have some younguns on the boards ya'll


Think that rather depends if those same kids have also watched the film:- "The forty year old virgin"

And there was you thinking I never had a clue eh. 

anyway been fun but got a few other things to attend to so it may take a bit before get back on this thread.
But don't let yourselfs forget that the carrot, although orange it can still be found in the earth!;P


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## butch4skin (Nov 19, 2007)

And a good day to you, Sir!


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## butch4skin (Nov 19, 2007)

Quite                                                       !


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## butch4skin (Nov 19, 2007)

Bin Laden isn't real. We made him up, and then blew up the WTC ourselves after taking out an insurance policy on them to the tune of 5,000,000,000,000 10-pence from a U.K. firm. Thank you my good sir, and good day!


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## butch4skin (Nov 19, 2007)

Tescos said:


> anyway been fun but got a few other things to attend to so it may take a bit before get back on this thread.


Awww come on. What happened? Was it tea time? Or did you have a fox hunt to attend?


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## Truff135 (Nov 19, 2007)

butch4skin said:


> Awww come on. What happened? Was it tea time? Or did you have a fox hunt to attend?


Polo maybe?


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## butch4skin (Nov 19, 2007)

Truff135 said:


> Polo maybe?


Perhaps. Or maybe to watch reruns of monty python.


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## Arachno_Shack (Nov 19, 2007)

butch4skin said:


> Perhaps. Or maybe to watch reruns of monty python.


He's not riding a horse, he's bangin' two coconuts together!


Bloody Brilliant!!!
Good day.


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## The_Thunderer (Nov 19, 2007)

Arachno_Shack said:


> He's not riding a horse, he's bangin' two coconuts together!


Wait a minute... "Are you implying that coconuts are migratory?" ROFLOL!


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## Arachno_Shack (Nov 19, 2007)

The_Thunderer said:


> Wait a minute... "Are you implying that coconuts are migratory?" ROFLOL!


Haha...too funny!

Kneee!


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## GOMER113 (Nov 20, 2007)

Back to lame spider jokes...

What kind of doctor does a female _P. murinus_  see?

An OBTYN.

Reactions: Like 1


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## Arachno_Shack (Nov 20, 2007)

GOMER113 said:


> Back to lame spider jokes...
> 
> What kind of doctor does a female _P. murinus_  see?
> 
> An OBTYN.


They only see ONE doctor, I thought they Seemanni???


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## Tescos (Nov 25, 2007)

Damm fox hunts seem to go on longer and longer these days hard work too with all that coconut banging. 
Have a nice day yea all

Chris


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## AubZ (Nov 25, 2007)

What do you call a H minax givin you the pose??

Sir!!!


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## Drachenjager (Nov 25, 2007)

AubZ said:


> What do you call a H minax givin you the pose??
> 
> Sir!!!


El Diablo !!!!!!!


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## AubZ (Nov 25, 2007)

Drachenjager said:


> El Diablo !!!!!!!


Ahhhh...Now that's much better.:evil:


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## Drachenjager (Nov 25, 2007)

AubZ said:


> Ahhhh...Now that's much better.:evil:


or Ha Satan


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## SPIDERBYTE (Nov 26, 2007)

What do you call the driving force that compels a mature male T to load up his palps, wander across scorching desert, putting off food, butt dryin up like a raisin, risk becoming spider-jam crossing the interstate, reach the female's burrow entrance, give the drum solo of his life, even when he's not sure if he'll be her date or her dinner?

------"Tarantu-LUST"


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## Jewels0818 (Nov 26, 2007)

why couldn't the T find her hide... 

she was a _blond_i!

(i said this to my BF while he was watching his blondi walk around the tank, right past the entrance to her hide.... and he gave me the funniest look ever...)


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## vegtam2003 (Nov 26, 2007)

two red-rumps walk into a restraunt and order salads.  "would you like crickets with that?", asked the waiter.  "No thanks," they replied, "we're vagans"

Reactions: Like 1


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## dtknow (Nov 26, 2007)

vegtam2003 said:


> two red-rumps walk into a restraunt and order salads.  "would you like crickets with that?", asked the waiter.  "No thanks," they replied, "we're vagans"


ROFLMAO


What Brachypelma would be the best arm wrestler.

B. albiceps.


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## tony77tony77 (Nov 26, 2007)

What is a Tarantula favorite TV show?


The newly web game!


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## dtknow (Nov 30, 2007)

What is orange and dangerous?

An OBT with a hand grenade.


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## xhexdx (Nov 30, 2007)

Oh man, I can't even *begin* to think of any jokes, and none would be as great as the ones here, anyway!

Too bad I can only share these with like 3 people because nobody else would get any of them.

Jewels and vegtam, great jokes.  I can only imagine the look your boyfriend gave you, Jewels!  Hilarious!


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## cacoseraph (Nov 30, 2007)

someone posted a thread titled "How do T's multiply?"

i responed...

in base 8


ehehehhe

(it's a computer science/math thing. we count in base ten. computers operate in base 2 (0's and 1's are all that comprise base 2).  base 8 is basically an annoying compromise between a crapload of 0's and 1's and full human number sysems


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## xhexdx (Nov 30, 2007)

Yeah, I'm a programmer.  I got it.  Funny!

You forgot base 16 though.


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## IdahoBiteyThing (Nov 30, 2007)

*more lightbulb fun*



spiders4life said:


> How many spiders does it take, to change a lightbulb??
> 
> One if its a LAMPropelma


 . . . and how many spiders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?  Two, but no one knows how they get into the light bulb!


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## SPIDERBYTE (Dec 1, 2007)

Hmm, I always thought they practiced their MOULTIPLICATION tables!


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## Pulk (Dec 1, 2007)

SPIDERBYTE said:


> Hmm, I always thought they practiced their MOULTIPLICATION tables!


.....nice.


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## AubZ (Dec 2, 2007)

SPIDERBYTE said:


> Hmm, I always thought they practiced their MOULTIPLICATION tables!


And by means of that they can *moultiply*


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## Darwinsdad (Dec 3, 2007)

Why didn't the spider go to the dance?

Because it has 4 left feet.


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## syndicate (Dec 3, 2007)

spiders4life said:


> How many spiders does it take, to change a lightbulb??
> 
> One if its a LAMPropelma





vegtam2003 said:


> two red-rumps walk into a restraunt and order salads.  "would you like crickets with that?", asked the waiter.  "No thanks," they replied, "we're vagans"


omg so wrong lmao
but so funny haha


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## Shell_Baby (Dec 3, 2007)

What's the only tarantula mentioned in the Bible?

a Psalmopoeus


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## tin man (Dec 3, 2007)

what does the tarantula say to the black widow?   what time is it?  
get it, because theres an hour glasson the abdomen.... I know its lame, but I made it up


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## SPIDERBYTE (Apr 14, 2008)

Q: Why is my spider downloading stuff on my computer?

A: Because you apparently have a "TORRENT-ULA"


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## MVDaniel (Apr 14, 2008)

There once was a T from Nantucket,
Who lived in a half burried bucket,
Just stayed inside,
Never left hide,
So I bought another one......F*** it.


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