# Battle Royal, plant uncare.



## The Snark (Nov 9, 2013)

Next to our house is a small vacant lot. In the middle of the lot is/was a very hefty bamboo clump. The owner of the lot wants to build a coffee shop there. I made various requests to attempt to save the bamboo which fell on deaf ears. The owner brought in an excavator which dug away for several hours. The clump, cut down to near the soil, regrew, turning into a massive bush about 8 feet across. Several work men whacked away at the clump. It survived nobly. An excavator was again brought in. 2 months later, an 8 foot across bamboo thicket. 

Sad to see it go but I got to figuring I could make some sort of profit out of things and the opposable thumb crowd was eventually going to win anyway,  the mercenary in me demanded attention in the form of having a boutique coffee shop right next door where I could put my feet up and lament the lack of bamboo. I went to the owner and told him if he gave me 1500 baht ($40), I would remove the bamboo. Assuming I was joking or FoS he ignored me but his gardener gave me the go ahead.

They brought in a very hefty backhoe today and everyone stood around scratching their heads, staring at the massive hole where the bamboo was. I strolled over and asked for my money. They were incredulous and in denial that I could have removed the clump so completely. I was refused my money. A few minutes ago the gardener came by and gave me my money and wanted to know how I did it. I wrote it out for them to look it up: H2SO4, 100 kg. Pohm ow cafe rawn, soon baht, ning deun, khap khun khrap mak. (I want hot coffee for free for 1 month, thank you very much.

Morons.

Reactions: Like 1


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## stewstew8282 (Nov 9, 2013)

lol, well done sir


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## AndrewBiddar (Apr 30, 2014)

u used sulfuric acid to the bamboo?

im confused but intrested! myy grandparents buy and sell houses and currently they have a house with a ton of bamboo


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## The Snark (May 1, 2014)

AndrewBiddar said:


> u used sulfuric acid to the bamboo?
> 
> im confused but intrested! myy grandparents buy and sell houses and currently they have a house with a ton of bamboo


Cut the bamboo stalks as short as possible. What remains is a massive tightly integrated clump of roots that can defy a powerful backhoe to tear apart. Assuming you have a LOT OF EXPERIENCE with strong acids. With the roots moist, apply the (preferably cold) acid from a container on a 10 foot pole a half liter at a time to the root mass. The clump I dissolved was 8 feet across, 4 deep and weighed several tons. It took about 10 gallons of 95% acid to get most of the root mass wet. You don't need to soak the roots, just add the acid to the dampness. After 12 to 24 hours hose the roots from a distance with water. All that got dampened will have turned to a gooey mess which rapidly disintegrates. 

H2SO4 has a very strong affinity for cellulose which is pretty much all woods and roots are. It tears cellulose apart at the molecular level. 

*I was going to add directions on handling powerful acids here but if you have to ask, DON'T DO IT! Think spraying and sloshing burning gasoline around. The effects are similar to your body should an accident occur. *

How it works. Those damp roots are more or less fireproof as those people discovered. Pour diesel on it and let it burn for day, the next good rain and back comes the shoots. H2SO4 soaks down into the roots. It gets rapidly degraded but it only takes 2% to 5% concentration to permanently destroy the roots. H2SO4 also breaks down very rapidly. After it's already degraded, a good hosing and all that's left is harmless acidified soil.

Reactions: Like 3


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## Malhavoc's (May 1, 2014)

The Snark said:


> Cut the bamboo stalks as short as possible. What remains is a massive tightly integrated clump of roots that can defy a powerful backhoe to tear apart. Assuming you have a LOT OF EXPERIENCE with strong acids. With the roots moist, apply the (preferably cold) acid from a container on a 10 foot pole a half liter at a time to the root mass. The clump I dissolved was 8 feet across, 4 deep and weighed several tons. It took about 10 gallons of 95% acid to get most of the root mass wet. You don't need to soak the roots, just add the acid to the dampness. After 12 to 24 hours hose the roots from a distance with water. All that got dampened will have turned to a gooey mess which rapidly disintegrates.
> 
> H2SO4 has a very strong affinity for cellulose which is pretty much all woods and roots are. It tears cellulose apart at the molecular level.
> 
> ...


Only one question remains my friend, Did you get your free coffee?


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## The Snark (May 1, 2014)

Malhavoc's said:


> Only one question remains my friend, Did you get your free coffee?


*#%^$(&@%$&%^# anal orifice turns a little slice of paradise into a dirt lot then gets bored with the project and leaves it a mess. Typical of uber rich around here not sure where to play with their money.


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## RzezniksRunAway (May 1, 2014)

My mother has been enlisting free child labor (in the form of the local boy scout troop)  for the past 5 years to control her poorly thought out bamboo patch. They make a decent dent in it every season, and use the wood for crafts and such. It'll never be completely gone at the rate they're going, but it keeps it contained. It also keeps her from trying to burn it to death again, which was a total catastrophe the last time she attempted it.


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## The Snark (May 1, 2014)

I knew a woman who came from the Philippines and was particularly fond of a native bamboo from there which she had a small cluster planted at her house in S. Calif.  Meanwhile her daughter, whose yard was adjacent, had a very helping of English Ivy. In between the two the gardeners had planted Tradescantia fluminensis, the Wandering Jew plant. The bamboo only grew to 15 feet high but thought nothing of shoving up shoots through 4 inches of asphalt. The ivy and Jew did what they normally did after 15 years of neglect. The son in law when peering in that general direction from his house remarked that she certainly had the privacy she desired. A 15 foot high mountain of competing plants completely obscuring the house from view on 3 sides.
It took major effort 5 years in a row to control the ivy, eradicate the Jew and somewhat inhibit the bamboo. The bamboo still comes up in her driveway, now reenforced concrete, and has gotten a pretty firm footing under her house - sending shoots out the vents now and then.

I made my own contribution to the botanical chaos. The ivy became a home to rats. A rat oasis in the midst of developed So Cal. Exterminators were coming out every week for a while. Traps became ignored, the rats developed a high resistance to poisons and the health department was twitching. In the evening the walkways and driveway resembled your average Bangkok canal. (Has to be seen to be believed)
I introduced 2 gopher snakes. A 2 footer and a 4 footer, and advised giving them time. It took a year before there were noticeably less rats. By the end of the third year it was a rare occurrence to spot one though on occasion a large snake was spotted zooming across the paths.


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