# I got BUSTED.....



## Scoolman (Aug 6, 2010)

My wife confronted me today about keeping tarantulas. 
Brief recap for those who do not know the story. I got my first four G pulchra back in December, against my wife's wishes and without her knowledge. Well four soon became 12 and 2 GBB. 
Any way, she asked me today when I was planning to tell her about the "spiders." I was, naturally, quite shocked and prepared for nuclear fallout, but held my composure and quite simply replied, "What spiders?" 
She said "The tarantulas you got!"
Well for a brief moment my heart sank, and I feared the absolute worst. In the fraction of a second that it took for me to hear her words and process them I had already pictured our divorce - She got the house, the kids, the dogs, and the cars. I was left with my cat, and my tarantulas living in the RV down by the river.
Before I knew what I was saying, the words fell my lips, "I wasn't going to tell you." Thats it, it is all over, I better start packing. 
Amazingly, she did not erupt. I got lectured about trust and being underhanded, and always doing whatever I want even when she says not to; that was it, nothing more.
I am still a bit shocked. I don't even know how she found out; I am too afraid to ask for fear of pushing the issue.
She did not leave me, and I still have my beautiful tarantulas, and my breeding program is still on track.
And to think, I have been living on eggshells for the past 7 months; I think I my have cut 10 years off my life with all the stress...
totally worth it.
She even began asking me about them, I was so excited to be able to talk tarantula with her, finally.


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## smallara98 (Aug 6, 2010)

Wow , close call


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## Redneck (Aug 6, 2010)

That is awesome! Congrats on still being married.. Since she now knows about them & is asking about them.. Get ready for the collection to grow..

Hopefully she will become intrested in them like we all are..


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## super-pede (Aug 6, 2010)

same thing happened to me when my bro found out about the deathstalker.we agreed not to keep anything that will kill us.he instead killed me. and not the scorp thankfully.nor did he get rid of it.pretty awesome.


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## Scoolman (Aug 6, 2010)

Redneck said:


> That is awesome! Congrats on still being married.. Since she now knows about them & is asking about them.. Get ready for the collection to grow..
> 
> Hopefully she will become intrested in them like we all are..


Not likely, she is not an animal person. But, that would be awesome if she did.


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## mcluskyisms (Aug 6, 2010)

I take my fiance for granted from time to time, I should really appreciate her understanding of me keeping 40 tarantulas and not having a problem with it, its quite amazing how addictive this hobby can become, but saying that it is also very rewarding at the same time. Theres a guy over here on the UK forums and he was given every keepers worst nightmare "its me and the kids or the tarantulas" obviously shes gone now with the kids.... lol
Nah but seriously hes sold all of his collection now, 16 years of keeping, breeding etc all gone. I'd be gutted....


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## Redneck (Aug 6, 2010)

Scoolman said:


> Not likely, she is not an animal person. But, that would be awesome if she did.


I guess we can all hope for the best!  Has she said no more?


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## Ghostmooner (Aug 6, 2010)

woww dude, you got lucky.  you should show her this forum, and all the many people that are registered here. maybe she'll understand alittle better if she knew just how many people are in this hobby. my opinion is to keep an open diolog with the topic with her. don't keep it an unclosed arguement! you need to know what she's thinking all the time about it.


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## Scoolman (Aug 6, 2010)

Redneck said:


> I guess we can all hope for the best!  Has she said no more?


Nope. But, she did accompany me when I went to meet a reptile dealer who was buying 50 hissers from me; it's a start.


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## farrisbaharom (Aug 6, 2010)

oh man - i don't know how you've survived so long.
my wife would SMELL something was up before it even happened.

congrats - hope there wasn't any permanent damage from the stress.

i'm wondering what will happen when MY wife finds that huge exo terra in the car tomorrow, there'll be erm ... fireworks in Malaysia.

surprisingly it ain't the T's, crickets or roaches in our bedroom (only space i got) - it's the amount of space they take up!


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## Redneck (Aug 6, 2010)

Scoolman said:


> Nope. But, she did accompany me when I went to meet a reptile dealer who was buying 50 hissers from me; it's a start.


Yes... That is a start..  Maybe one day... Just maybe...


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## belljar77 (Aug 6, 2010)

There's hope! My husband started this, suggested getting a T, did all the preliminary research. However, I purchased the first one. 30 or so later, I think he's maybe picked out 2 or 3 of them. Maybe if she starts reading about them- that's what did it for me. I hope she gets hooked, I know I love having a hobby to share with my husband


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## AmbushArachnids (Aug 6, 2010)

*Rock on!!*

Wow thats a pretty long time to hide tarantulas. I could never let mine go. Glad she didnt tell you to get rid of them. I will be taking mine all the way to the grave!! ;P There would be hell to pay of anyone tried to make me get rid of them.


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## BlackCat (Aug 6, 2010)

Quick, get her a young A. versicolor, always a great gateway drug! 

Really though, very close call for sure. Things like this make me glad that my hubby and I got into this together.

Reactions: Like 1


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## gumby (Aug 6, 2010)

congrats sounds like it was a good day for all of us! Ive been dating a girl for about a month now and any time I mentioned tarantulas she would quicky change the subject or talk about how she didnt like spiders. Today however she talked a bit about them with me and said they were fine as long as she didnt have to hold them. Its all about baby steps.


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## harmroelf (Aug 6, 2010)

sorry but..... this is totally ridiculous..... really putting ur entire life in danger for spiders, come on:barf:

Reactions: Like 1


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## Julia (Aug 6, 2010)

Where in the heck were you hiding them that she didn't find them sooner??


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## JamieC (Aug 6, 2010)

My Mrs is warming to my spiders. She hated the idea to start with, but now she quite likes them. She's even given a couple of them names! 

She's not so keen on me getting any more any time soon. I often joke with her that I have ordered more. Needless to say I get very suspicious looks whenever a large parcel arrives!


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## gromgrom (Aug 6, 2010)

yikes! congrats though.


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## Scorpionking20 (Aug 6, 2010)

Wow man.  I'm fortunate.  It's actually my fiance (wife soon!  Getting married on the 27th) that wanted to drop a few grand on Ts this month.  Hope all goes well and she can "dig" them after seeing and learning more.  My fiance' wasn't fond until I showed her some pictures on Google, then she got more into it.


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## CAK (Aug 6, 2010)

Hey Damian, love the story!  Keep us posted!  My other half hated them at first and about a month ago she peeked in one of the blue fang cages and said "ohhh, she is cute!"


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## MichiganReptiles (Aug 6, 2010)

How did you manage to hide them?


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## flamesbane (Aug 6, 2010)

Am I the only one who thinks this saga isn't over? Someone being passive-aggressive can be a lot worse than just have the fight and getting it out of the way. 

I'm glad my wife loves my T's! Not as much as she loves her frogs though, nothing like a new frog to grease the "New T's" wheels.


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## JColt (Aug 6, 2010)

Scoolman said:


> living in the RV down by the river.
> .


Sounds nice actually


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## forrestpengra (Aug 6, 2010)

Julia said:


> Where in the heck were you hiding them that she didn't find them sooner??





MichiganReptiles said:


> How did you manage to hide them?


I'm wondering the same thing...  

Though my wife doesn't appreciate my 40ish Ts as much as I do she still kinda likes them.  Then again, I had T's when I met her so it was pretty much a package deal.  On the other hand when I buy more and spend larger sums of money on them she is never too pleased.  Share the T's hide the expenses


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## flyguycolorado (Aug 6, 2010)

JamieC said:


> My Mrs is warming to my spiders. She hated the idea to start with, but now she quite likes them. She's even given a couple of them names!
> 
> * why do they name them for us my girl thinks that all the versi need really GIRLY names, she went w/ a rainbowbrite theme. one is named Rainbow brite, the others names are Starlight "the hourse" and the other is Skydancer. It bothers me but anything to get her more into it.


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## JamieC (Aug 6, 2010)

[QUOTE
* why do they name them for us my girl thinks that all the versi need really GIRLY names, she went w/ a rainbowbright theme. one is named Rainbow brite, the others names are Starlight "the hourse" and the other is Skydancer. It bothers me but anything to get her more into it. [/QUOTE]

Tell me about it! Although some of her names for them are pretty cool. A couple of my favourites, "Trix" and "Lynx" (A.minatrix)

She can call them what she likes if it means she's happy for me to keep them.


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## Crysta (Aug 6, 2010)

why do I have the opposit problem? my guy isn't that into tarantulas....but he's an awesome person....

If he was hiding tarantulas I would be so happy.... 
but...
I need to convince him to like them better...he says 'a waste of mony'...
but I tell him 'well the phone you paid 500$ for is a waste of money, when a 70$ phone works just as good...' ... then he gives in and says 'yeah you're right' lol 

aha...
We will work it out somehow.

Crysta


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## Sleazoid (Aug 6, 2010)

My fiance is fine with them, she hated them at first but now she thinks they are cute. She just doesn't like all the money I spend on it, but she requires that she is able to name them all. It is a good trade since she names them all anime names usually.


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## briarpatch10 (Aug 6, 2010)

The more I read and hear stories like this the more I love my darling wife who...asks about them , listens when I go on about them, Encourages me to purchase a new one from time to time and never argues or fusses about the T's I want to get! I love her.


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## bdprice1968 (Aug 6, 2010)

BlackCat said:


> Quick, get her a young A. versicolor, always a great gateway drug!


This is the one I used to get my wife involved.


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## Redneck (Aug 6, 2010)

Why cant I find a woman that like my critters?! Dang! 
Y'all are all lucky.. 

My ex didnt mind the T's.. She said I can have as many of them as I want.. 
But when I came home with a 5.5' Boa.. She told me it was her or the snake.. 

Speaking of the snake.. She is such a sweetie! But she somehow found a was to escape.. I had to knock a hole in the wall to get her out..  Problem solved now!  Oh that reminds me.. I need to go put her new basking bulb in.. It blew out last night..


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## Kirsten (Aug 7, 2010)

:?I really don't understand why she'd care about you keeping T's in your classroom.  Really, I don't.  Does she hang out in there a lot or something?


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## darkart82 (Aug 7, 2010)

i totally know how you feal on the "walking on eggshells "part . they sure are easy to hide , when their small lol ........i started with one then one turned into 2 then 20 , then i got addicted and cant stop,and they divided and multiplyed 

some people like piccosso , me ,i like god , because he created the most beuatiful masterpieces in mother nature


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## Scoolman (Aug 7, 2010)

I keep my Ts in my classroom. I had to bring them home for about 3 weeks in July because I was switching schools. They are settled in the new room now.
It was really more about the money than it was about the tarantulas. My wife knew I was an animal lover when she met me. It really is not that big a deal. She actually warming up to the idea of me breeding them though.

P.S. You will notice, though, that no one said anything about the marriage being safe, everyone was glad I got to keep the Ts. So, you see, we are all of the same mind.


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## Terry D (Aug 7, 2010)

Paul, Well then- here's hoping that everything goes okay, for you, the marriage, and the t's 

Terry


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## US Arachnids (Aug 7, 2010)

well I think thats quite stupid, Anyone that would leave me over buying tarantulas or even without her knowledge is Simply not worth my time and energy and are a complete joke, Actually lol I gotta laugh to my self, When me and my woman got together I lived about 3 hours away from her and told her that IF She buys me a Female G. pulchra (Brazilian Black) then I will move down there for her, to the town she was living in, She bought one for me and we have been together for about 2.5 to 3 years, She buys me spiders for my birthday and christmas an things. But if I was ever with someone that threatened to leave me over my precious Spiders, I would have said "Good bye" to in a blink of an eye. I dont play when it comes to my spiders lol, Thats my outlook on it!


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## Redneck (Aug 7, 2010)

Scoolman said:


> P.S. You will notice, though, that no one said anything about the marriage being safe, everyone was glad I got to keep the Ts. So, you see, we are all of the same mind.


I did to... See... 



Redneck said:


> That is awesome! *Congrats on still being married.. *Since she now knows about them & is asking about them.. Get ready for the collection to grow..
> 
> Hopefully she will become intrested in them like we all are..


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## thumpersalley (Aug 7, 2010)

It would be a cold day in **** when my husband told me what to do about anything especially my critters & the same for me to him. We dont have that kind of relationship. 

He does R/C cars, hes state champ right now. Hes very into it. Comps several times a month & working on them every night. Although it gets in the way of us doing things sometimes, I would never get upset at him for having them, just like he wouldnt be upset with me & the Ts. He already has a Mom, he doesnt need another one.

I just dont see where a woman or man has the right to be upset about the other wanting something. It has nothing to do with them. 

Im also ok with him going to the "mens" clubs on the rare ocassion that he goes with his buddies, lol. 

Kim


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## Bill S (Aug 7, 2010)

Redneck said:


> Why cant I find a woman that like my critters?! Dang!
> Y'all are all lucky..


When I first met my wife neither of us were into arachnids - but we both were into reptiles.  About the time I was getting interested in tarantulas she was getting involved with spiders.  At the recent American Tarantula Society conference she was one of the lecturers, and she picked out some of the species of tarantulas I traded baby Ts for.  As I type this she's in the next room trying to photograph a solpugid she caught last night.  Our next planned "field trip" will be to a site where she found a banded form of the centipede _Scolopendra heros arizonensis_.  When she recently found a few wandering baby _Holotheles_ in the hallway, she thought it was cool.  And she's become tolerant of _Loxosceles_ spiders (brown recluse types) that turn up in the house.  When I read here about people who have to sneak spiders into the house and worry about their spouses/parents/roommates going ballistic, I feel pretty lucky.


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## Redneck (Aug 7, 2010)

Bill S said:


> When I first met my wife neither of us were into arachnids - but we both were into reptiles.  About the time I was getting interested in tarantulas she was getting involved with spiders.  At the recent American Tarantula Society conference she was one of the lecturers, and she picked out some of the species of tarantulas I traded baby Ts for.  As I type this she's in the next room trying to photograph a solpugid she caught last night.  Our next planned "field trip" will be to a site where she found a banded form of the centipede _Scolopendra heros arizonensis_.  When she recently found a few wandering baby _Holotheles_ in the hallway, she thought it was cool.  And she's become tolerant of _Loxosceles_ spiders (brown recluse types) that turn up in the house.  When I read here about people who have to sneak spiders into the house and worry about their spouses/parents/roommates going ballistic, I feel pretty lucky.


Thats pretty cool for those of you who have a spouce/significate other that enjoy the hobby with y'all.. 

My pops.. When he talks to my mom on the phone.. He always asks about the critters..  He is an over the road truck driver.. Not home to often.. 

My mom.. She loves the spiders.. She has a few snakes.. She is more into the snakes than the spiders.. But she does have 6 T's.. 

My sister.. She.. Well she helps me with mine anytime I ask for it.. If she is in the mood.. Sometimes she wont if she is feeling lazy.. But normally she will.. Since she wants me to build her a new enclosure for her bearded dragons..  Black-Male! Haha!

As far as  the ladies.. If I dont tell them about them.. I can keep them around for a while.. If I tell them when I meet them.. Psha.. They dont take no call backs...   Wimps!  Oh well.. I do fine alone.. *Shrug*


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## Mack&Cass (Aug 7, 2010)

I hate that Mackenzie is into tarantulas. They're disgusting creatures and one of these days I'm going to give him an ultimatum.



Cass


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## Redneck (Aug 8, 2010)

Mack&Cass said:


> I hate that Mackenzie is into tarantulas. They're disgusting creatures and one of these days I'm going to give him an ultimatum.
> 
> 
> 
> Cass


Oh! A woman that knows what she wants... Grrr! 

So hey... Whats up?! 

 Im just kidding! 
Shame on you for thinking about giving him an ultimatum! Shame!


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## malevolentrobot (Aug 8, 2010)

i guess since we are all commeting on our own situations now, i'll throw in my two cents. my first T was actually for my boyfriend, but he hardly seemed enthused about it. oddly, i made more of an effort (partially to reconcile my fear of spiders) and i ended up falling in love with our rosea. the next T i hid from him, since it was a tiny little sling, but i ended up breaking down three weeks later and telling him anyway. then came the ultimatum that i had to stop buying them at 5, which i pushed to 12, but he says is 10. 

but the apartment we live in is mine, so technically its just a polite formality i follow (for now). he has no enthusiasm for the hobby, but isn't particularly bothered by the Ts either. he didn't like my cornsnake, though. i actually regret giving her up because of him. rehoming her felt very selfish on my part because when i took her in, i planned on that being that and especially now that i know he's moving out, i think it was a bad move. he's not open to anymore animals in the house, barring the inverts i have left to buy and i'm not really wanting to cross him over just this issue because sometimes i wonder, after he moves out at the end of the year, if we go our seperate ways if my Ts will be a dealbreaker if i meet anyone else...

i mean, i don't know a single guy irl that is into them, strangely enough, only girls and being previous pet store employees i'm not surprised that they don't mind them.

oh my gosh, this is turning into something for the confessions thread now :8o


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## Bill S (Aug 8, 2010)

malevolentrobot said:


> ... if we go our seperate ways if my Ts will be a dealbreaker if i meet anyone else...


Think of it as a filter rather than a deal breaker.  If you're really into Ts, they should be part of your life.  You shouldn't have to give them up in order to land someone who doesn't share or tolerate your interests.  There are plenty of guys in the world who would love to have a girlfriend who shares their interests in tarantulas.


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## AmbushArachnids (Aug 8, 2010)

Bill S said:


> Think of it as a filter rather than a deal breaker.  If you're really into Ts, they should be part of your life.  You shouldn't have to give them up in order to land someone who doesn't share or tolerate your interests.  There are plenty of guys in the world who would love to have a girlfriend who shares their interests in tarantulas.


+1 I have ran into a couple girls who didnt like them. One was even afrais of a cricket!! I see it the other way around. If you cant tolerate my Ts then you gotta go!


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## B8709 (Aug 8, 2010)

My girl *HATES* spiders. She won't even look at them. I have to keep them out of her sight. It took a while to even talk her into the idea of letting me keep them in the house while she stays here.


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## Evil Seedlet (Aug 8, 2010)

My boyfriend likes my spiders. I keep trying to talk him into getting his own, maybe I'll just buy him one  When I was talking about maybe getting one, he was mostly just "Um, Ok, sure." He's not afraid of them or anything, he just didn't care one way or another. After I got them and he saw them crawl around and eat, he really started to like them. Most of the time I wait till he gets home to feed them now because he likes to watch so much XD


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## Scoolman (Aug 8, 2010)

I admit deceiving my wife and keeping tarantulas without her knowledge after she said she did not want me to get involved with  them yet was not a good thing. I will be paying for it for the rest of my life, because she will never let me forget it.
She does not like the idea of raising tarantulas, but she did not forbid it. She just wanted me to wait, because she was worried about the cost. I don't think she understands just how cheap it is to keep them; after the initial expense of purchase. She also knows me all to well. I am very much an "all or nothing" kind of guy. She knew I would not get just one and leave it at that; of course, I did not disappoint. I started with 4 and now have 11 (I sold three recently). I am now working on getting a breeding program going for G pulchra. So, numbers in the hundreds are soon to come.


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## AmbushArachnids (Aug 8, 2010)

Does anyone think that it may be our level of enthusiasm that makes others uninterested and offput? Besides the fact that they are fearful of them. My Sister(21) isnt afraid of them. What i mean is mostly people that are close to you whome you have dissagreements. When she gets mad at me its. " I dont care about your stupid spiders"


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## Kirsten (Aug 8, 2010)

Scoolman said:


> I admit deceiving my wife and keeping tarantulas without her knowledge after she said she did not want me to get involved with  them yet was not a good thing. *I will be paying for it for the rest of my life, because she will never let me forget it.*
> She does not like the idea of raising tarantulas, but she did not forbid it. She just wanted me to wait, because she was worried about the cost. I don't think she understands just how cheap it is to keep them; after the initial expense of purchase. She also knows me all to well. I am very much an "all or nothing" kind of guy. She knew I would not get just one and leave it at that; of course, I did not disappoint. I started with 4 and now have 11 (I sold three recently). I am now working on getting a breeding program going for G pulchra. So, numbers in the hundreds are soon to come.


That is an issue unto itself.  Really?  I do hope you are giving a hyperbolic account of the 'repercussions'.


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## Evil Seedlet (Aug 8, 2010)

ksmith999 said:


> That is an issue unto itself.  Really?  I do hope you are giving a hyperbolic account of the 'repercussions'.


Once trust is broken like that, it can be pretty hard to put right. If I found out my boyfriend was hiding something like that from me, I might start to wonder what else was hiding. I'm not saying this should be a forever thing, but I could see being wary for quite a while after.


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## cacoseraph (Aug 8, 2010)

y'all must be doing something wrong. i have never failed to pull a conversion.  i even worked my magic on a few morbidly phobic ppl.

of course, i have never tried to fill an empty brain with right thoughts, so that might be quite difficult... but everyone with even a modicum of intelligence i have worked has changed from at least phobic to neutral if not some kind of philic 


and i usually don't even keep "cute" bugs to cheat with... i sell the science


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## pouchedrat (Aug 8, 2010)

I wish my guy would like the tarantulas, but i'd never hide them from him.  I ALWAYS tell him if I'm getting something (then he usually has an excuse for a new video game or graphic novel, which i get to play/read as well, lol).  

It is a trust thing... but I don't think I'd be with someone that wouldn't let me have a hobby i loved.  I fully admit I won't let him get a dog, but that's because I have a fear of dogs and I know HE wouldn't take care of it, I would wind up taking care of the thing.  It's far too much work when I care for my other pets already, and I'd hate to think what a dog would do to our three prairie dogs.  He's not really a pet person, nor is his family (they have a bad track record when it comes to pets........) but at least he lets me have what I want.


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## Bill S (Aug 8, 2010)

ksmith999 said:


> That is an issue unto itself.  Really?  I do hope you are giving a hyperbolic account of the 'repercussions'.


Any married guy understands what he is saying.

Reactions: Like 1


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## briarpatch10 (Aug 8, 2010)

Bill S said:


> Any married guy understands what he is saying.


NOPE :wall::wall:


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## MichiganReptiles (Aug 8, 2010)

Bill S said:


> When I first met my wife neither of us were into arachnids - but we both were into reptiles.  About the time I was getting interested in tarantulas she was getting involved with spiders.  At the recent American Tarantula Society conference she was one of the lecturers, and she picked out some of the species of tarantulas I traded baby Ts for.  As I type this she's in the next room trying to photograph a solpugid she caught last night.  Our next planned "field trip" will be to a site where she found a banded form of the centipede _Scolopendra heros arizonensis_.  When she recently found a few wandering baby _Holotheles_ in the hallway, she thought it was cool.  And she's become tolerant of _Loxosceles_ spiders (brown recluse types) that turn up in the house.  When I read here about people who have to sneak spiders into the house and worry about their spouses/parents/roommates going ballistic, I feel pretty lucky.


My husband and I were also into reptiles and then I got into T hobby and he followed pretty quickly. I'm definitely lucky that we both enjoy the same things. It's great to be in the same hobbies!


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## Kirsten (Aug 8, 2010)

Evil Seedlet said:


> Once trust is broken like that, it can be pretty hard to put right. If I found out my boyfriend was hiding something like that from me, I might start to wonder what else was hiding. I'm not saying this should be a forever thing, but I could see being wary for quite a while after.


Oh, I get the broken trust; I'm not letting him off the hook with my take  I'm saying that to make someone 'pay' for the 'rest of the relationship' is not the way to handle it. That strategy is never appropriate for an emotionally mature and stable relationship to happen.

Neither is the 'my way or the highway' approach for you advocates of that


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## Scoolman (Aug 9, 2010)

Wow. I post a short story about how I have kept tarantulas for seven months, without my wifes knowledge, and her finding out about it, and it turns into Dr Phil's marriage counseling forum.
To analyze the relationship of another couple based entirely on one simple story is very short sighted and simplistic. 
Lets help put the whole story into perspective.
I am a school teacher. I hold a BS in education, and a MA in curriculum. I am in the process of pursuing another degree. I had not settled on a field until I became involved with tarantulas. I always knew I would be involved in science, but did not know which area to focus on. When I began studying Mygalomorphs and Theraphosidae I knew what to focus my studies on. I am now working on entomology/arachnology, with a focus on Theraphosidae.
It was at that point my wife knew there was no stopping me. She has learned over our 17.5 year marriage that when I become focused on something there is no stopping me. When she saw me reading incessantly about tarantulas she made an effort to slow the momentum by telling me that I could get a tarantula. Unfortunately for her, the momentum had already reached the point of no return.
So, my purchasing and keeping tarantulas without her knowledge was not some mystical secret that was going to destroy our marriage, and end her trust for me. 
I merely circumvented the the process and bypassed the "lets talk about this" phase.
Just enjoy the irony of the story.:}


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## Kirsten (Aug 9, 2010)

Scoolman said:


> Wow. I post a short story about how I have kept tarantulas for seven months, without my wifes knowledge, and her finding out about it, and it turns into Dr Phil's marriage counseling forum.
> To analyze the relationship of another couple based entirely on one simple story is very short sighted and simplistic.
> Lets help put the whole story into perspective.
> I am a school teacher. I hold a BS in education, and a MA in curriculum. I am in the process of pursuing another degree. I had not settled on a field until I became involved with tarantulas. I always knew I would be involved in science, but did not know which area to focus on. When I began studying Mygalomorphs and Theraphosidae I knew what to focus my studies on. I am now working on entomology/arachnology, with a focus on Theraphosidae.
> ...


Uh...yeah, I don't really know what got into me:?  I was caught in a 'mood'...errr....can someone pass the pie, please?


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## Redneck (Aug 9, 2010)

ksmith999 said:


> Uh...yeah, I don't really know what got into me:?  I was caught in a 'mood'...errr....can someone pass the pie, please?


Apple or Pumkin?


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## ZergFront (Aug 9, 2010)

mcluskyisms said:


> I take my fiance for granted from time to time, I should really appreciate her understanding of me keeping 40 tarantulas and not having a problem with it, its quite amazing how addictive this hobby can become, but saying that it is also very rewarding at the same time. Theres a guy over here on the UK forums and he was given every keepers worst nightmare "its me and the kids or the tarantulas" obviously shes gone now with the kids.... lol
> Nah but seriously hes sold all of his collection now, 16 years of keeping, breeding etc all gone. I'd be gutted....


 Oh God. I think if I had to get rid of my 16 or even a few, I'd cry. They aren't even teenagers yet.  My boyfriend and I did make an agreement Saturday. I wouldn't nag about his planes and aircraft simulators or other hobbies as long as he doesn't ramble about my hobbies. He did choose the name Agus for the gravid jumping spider (he asked for the Latin out curiosity and thought for a week it was Phidippus 'agus') so I guess that's an itty bitty good thing...

 Wow, 40 is awesome. My goal is 10 more after my vacation in September. I will also have at least 3 males for loan or trade. Goody! :drool:

 to Scoolman, that is awesome. My Mom seems to think hoarding dogs and cats is the same as collecting arachnids. :?


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## fangsalot (Aug 11, 2010)

maan,i remembermy emp scorp got out.aftr creeping around the room and rest of the house with a flashlight till the sun came up i finally wokemy gf with the news hoping it wasnt in the bed with her.it was actually on the side of the mattress right where her head was! that was a fight!but eventually she said i can keep my collection as long as she personally check the security of the enclosures.im a lucky sun of a gun


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## Scoolman (Aug 13, 2010)

That was a close one Fang. That could have ended very badly. I am glad it worked out.


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## kaydyn1512 (Aug 14, 2010)

flamesbane said:


> I'm glad my wife loves my T's! Not as much as she loves her frogs though, nothing like a new frog to grease the "New T's" wheels.


This made me laugh. My partner is great with my T's(I have about 600 now) but the dart frogs are her passion.


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## Scoolman (May 28, 2011)

Just an update:
due to some issues with asbestos in our school I brought my entire collection. I am now keeping them here. I will take a few back to school for display and outreach, but all my G pulchra will stay home with me now.


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## Bumblingbear (May 28, 2011)

In my experience with anti-spider people in general, once they are actually exposed to them for a while it stops being such a big deal.


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## FrostyCakee (May 29, 2011)

Scoolman said:


> My wife confronted me today about keeping tarantulas.
> Brief recap for those who do not know the story. I got my first four G pulchra back in December, against my wife's wishes and without her knowledge. Well four soon became 12 and 2 GBB.
> Any way, she asked me today when I was planning to tell her about the "spiders." I was, naturally, quite shocked and prepared for nuclear fallout, but held my composure and quite simply replied, "What spiders?"
> She said "The tarantulas you got!"
> ...


It is this reason that I love the fact that my girlfriend loves T's as much as I do. Its nice to be able to talk to someone about a common interest, instead of the normal me blabbing at the mouth to somebody who is just like, "uh huh......Uh huh......oh thats cool.......so uhm are they poisonous?"


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## skar (May 29, 2011)

I always get caught too. You lasted quite awhile tho PROPS
She probably knew at least a week till she asked you tho ! :clap: HA funny


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## Spidershane1 (May 29, 2011)

This just shows that your wife is actually what a wife should be: someone who cares about and respects your interests and hobbies. 
I don't see why some guys stay with girls that don't let them do what they want with their own lives, money, and time as long as it's safe. If your girl is aware that you are into bugs and derive happiness from keeping them, yet won't let you keep them....then why the hell would you want her as your partner and companion?  
If I want someone to tell me what to do and how to act, then I'll go hang out with my mom. A girlfriend/wife should be someone who encourages and supports you to flourish in all your endevours, and vise versa.
When my girl used to get on me about my drinking, I realized she was trying to look out for me, so in situations like that I would take it to heart and try to obey her wishes. But if I expressed interest in something healthy & safe like buying a new T & she showed any resistance, I would tell her that I'm doing this no matter what you say cuz I'm a grown man and this is what I do & what I love- take it or leave it. She would understand, and I bought all the critters I wanted(as long as the bills were paid first, of course!).
If I ever ended up in a situation where it came down to choosing between my critters(my passion) or a girl...well the girl better not let the door hit her @$$ on the way out. 
Never let a woman prevent you from being you. There are plenty of other women in this world that are willing to appreciate everything about you, even if they don't fully understand why you do what you do.
Don't get whipped guys. Please.


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## Mister Internet (May 29, 2011)

I'm always a little bewildered at the reason so many people have rocky relationships and the divorce rate is so high, and then a thread like this comes along and reminds how most people really are in a relationship... selfish, "my way or the highway", "I do what I want", "you can live with this or leave me", etc...

Any "significant other" that's putting up with THAT has settled... or, has just found things they'd like to be selfish about as well so as to maintain a mutual bond of "don't ask, don't tell".  Sad, really.  There are people that would literally choose bugs over a lifetime of companionship and love.  What a fantastic trade.  

Scool, glad it ended up working out, but if you for one moment ever thought that she'd actually leave you over this, I'm not sure why you did it... something tells me there's a tiny part of you that might have been kind of hoping it would happen?  No bug is THAT cool.


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## Spidershane1 (May 29, 2011)

Mister Internet said:


> I'm always a little bewildered at the reason so many people have rocky relationships and the divorce rate is so high, and then a thread like this comes along and reminds how most people really are in a relationship... selfish, "my way or the highway", "I do what I want", "you can live with this or leave me", etc...
> 
> Any "significant other" that's putting up with THAT has settled... or, has just found things they'd like to be selfish about as well so as to maintain a mutual bond of "don't ask, don't tell".  Sad, really.  There are people that would literally choose bugs over a lifetime of companionship and love.  What a fantastic trade.
> 
> Scool, glad it ended up working out, but if you for one moment ever thought that she'd actually leave you over this, I'm not sure why you did it... something tells me there's a tiny part of you that might have been kind of hoping it would happen?  No bug is THAT cool.



I think you got me wrong here. 
The point was that you don't have to choose between bugs and a lifetime of companionship and love. There are pleny of women out there, and you will eventually be able to find one who likes you for you...bugs and all.
You CAN have your cake and eat it too. Just have confidence in yourself & a little patience.
If someone feels they aren't worthy of finding the perfect girl for them, then by all means I guess they should just settle for the first thing that will sleep with them.
All I am is saying is: why compromise your passion & hobbies for a woman, when there are plenty of equally good women out there who won't force you to change who you are?


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## Scoolman (May 29, 2011)

Mister Internet said:


> Scool, glad it ended up working out, but if you for one moment ever thought that she'd actually leave you over this, I'm not sure why you did it... something tells me there's a tiny part of you that might have been kind of hoping it would happen?  No bug is THAT cool.


Been married 18 years. And, not even the tiniest bit. She is the worrier and penny pincher, and I am the free spirit and spend thrift, we balance out.
Not to mention, she admitted I found myself  a self sustaining hobby.


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## Quixtar (May 29, 2011)

First off, I'm assuming that a lot of you got into this hobby long after marriage, which explains a few things. For those of you who are in relationships with someone who dislikes your pets, there is no reason to sacrifice your passion and interests for the sake of pleasing your significant other. You should both be able to reach a compromise. You've got your likes/dislikes and he/she has theirs. If you find yourself having to hide your interests, that's a recipe for disaster.

For those of you who are single, find yourselves someone who can appreciate what you have. There's no reason to hide the fact or be weird about it. It breeds insecurity. In fact, the more "weird" you feel about having these, the more weirded out the girl/guy you meet will be. If you approach the subject from a fascination point of view rather than simply "I thought having a tarantula would be cool/extreme", I find that many other people respect you for that, and I've broken in quite a few arachnophobes. As a graduate student, everyone in my department knows I keep these, and no, I do not study arachnology or entomology. I also do not feel the need to base my entire life or conversation subjects around this interest. Fact of the matter is, if you act "normal" about it, others won't feel alienated or creeped out by you OR your spiders. I have had absolutely no problems with meeting women because of this, arachnophobes included.


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## Crysta (May 29, 2011)

I give off a weird vibe apparently, so I don't usually attract guys - unless im drunk or trying -to get the point across- haha! Takes awhile for me to get comfortable around people anyways so I make a barrier of sort. 

And every guy I meet who likes arachnids is taken(oddly by someone who doesn't really like them) or gay ! which is depressing! ... I congratulate those people with understanding partners - but I advise to never hide your hobbies; relationships don't last like that. If you're truly meant to last through the decades, you will work something out you both can live with.


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## LirvA (May 30, 2011)

inorite

OP sounded like he was 12 and talking about his strict mother


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## oogie boogie (May 30, 2011)

Its all about presentation and timing. Put it in a nice place and in a nice enclosure(s). Catching you hiding 12 huge bugs in your closet would be very creepy to anyone's standard. 

But Im glad you sorted it all out. Goodluck to everything else


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## lunashimmer (May 30, 2011)

My husband of 17 years actually encouraged me to get my 1st T, after we both decided that neither of us could handle feeding mammals to a snake (ohhh, how I would've liked to have a boa!!!). So now, I, I mean *WE* have 5 Ts with 2 more on the way.  

He has his hobbies and I have mine, but we also have the stuff we like to do together. He doesn't get as excited as I do about feeding time or cleaning time or "heh, Edgar is standing on all tippy-toes again" but he does appreciate the Ts.

Relationships, in my experience, are all about the compromise--finding what you can live with and without and what the other person can live with and without, and then finding that common place where both people are happy.

I am super lucky to be married to someone who tolerates my many quirks!


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## Bill S (May 30, 2011)

Crysta said:


> I congratulate those people with understanding partners - but I advise to never hide your hobbies; relationships don't last like that. If you're truly meant to last through the decades, you will work something out you both can live with.


I'll go a step beyond this - if you've got a hobby that is likely to create reactions - be open about it with prospective mates.  It will filter out the ones you won't be compatible with and will help you identify those who will share yor interests.


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## Scoolman (May 30, 2011)

LirvA said:


> inorite
> 
> OP sounded like he was 12 and talking about his strict mother


HA HA! OP is much older than 12, and his wife knows him very well when it comes to all things wild; and his all or nothing mentality.


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## gromgrom (May 30, 2011)

Crysta said:


> I give off a weird vibe apparently, so I don't usually attract guys - unless im drunk or trying -to get the point across- haha! Takes awhile for me to get comfortable around people anyways so I make a barrier of sort.
> 
> And every guy I meet who likes arachnids is taken(oddly by someone who doesn't really like them) or gay ! which is depressing! ... I congratulate those people with understanding partners - but I advise to never hide your hobbies; relationships don't last like that. If you're truly meant to last through the decades, you will work something out you both can live with.


ha i'm not, but im going on a date with a girl who is into animals. Just not inverts


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## Crysta (May 30, 2011)

Bill S said:


> I'll go a step beyond this - if you've got a hobby that is likely to create reactions - be open about it with prospective mates.  It will filter out the ones you won't be compatible with and will help you identify those who will share yor interests.


Totally! When I get into a new semester, and we do those 'introduction' things, I am always like 'well I have tarantulas and a giant rabbit, oh and I am a photographer. lol' 

You always get some weird looks outta that! ehhe


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## bioshock (May 30, 2011)

Not to be a jerk or anything, but you should not have to keep things away from her. It would be stupid if she left you because of your hobby of keeping t's. At least the worst wasnt that bad you got lucky man!!


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## Lisa Gayle 713 (May 30, 2011)

Scoolman- I am preparing my new office to receive my Ts for the summer. I am afraid of the cleaning chemicals that the custodians at school might use in my room. My wife was less than thrilled when I told her my plan, but the enclosures are secure (all have hasps and locks) so no worries!

By the way, #8 (aka "Betty" the G. pulchra I got from you last year) is getting ready to molt. Her brown bum went BLACK! I hope she molts into adult color!!!! so excited!!!! Peace


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## Scoolman (May 30, 2011)

bioshock said:


> Not to be a jerk or anything, but you should not have to keep things away from her. It would be stupid if she left you because of your hobby of keeping t's. At least the worst wasnt that bad you got lucky man!!


Very true. I should have just told her up front I was going to get into it. She still doesnt like them, but she loves me so we go hand in hand, in hand, in hand, in hand, in hand..........

Lisa, I am so glad to hear from you. You should get a tiny black beauty with this molt, if not then for sure with the next one. 
As for keeping them in your office, you need to establish a line of communication with the custodial staff and make them aware of your needs and requirements for the tarantulas. Our staff all know of my tarantulas and are very helpful. They know what they can and can't do, and also alert me when the exterminator is going to be in to spray so I can seal off my room.


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## TB3Redneck (Jul 24, 2011)

Hahahahahahaha, that just made my day  What we guys will do for our T's xD


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## Sukai94 (Jul 24, 2011)

Scoolman said:


> I think I my have cut 10 years off my life with all the stress...
> totally worth it.


THAT is dedication. :clap:

The best of luck to you!


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## khil (Jul 24, 2011)

LirvA said:


> inorite
> 
> OP sounded like he was 12 and talking about his strict mother


just what I was thinking LOL


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## JayMadison (Jul 24, 2011)

Good thing the wife was cool with it, if not maybe you could have upgraded lol


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## ornamentalist (Jul 24, 2011)

my wife said i could get one, and one only!
care to view my profile? she ended up loving them too  she has her own aphonopelma sp 'paysoni' and chalcodes  she still hates true spiders though and the mm pokies kinda creep her out a little (they do me too) our singapore blue mm is the creepiest looking.


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## BobGrill (Nov 27, 2012)

lunashimmer said:


> My husband of 17 years actually encouraged me to get my 1st T, after we both decided that neither of us could handle feeding mammals to a snake (ohhh, how I would've liked to have a boa!!!). So now, I, I mean *WE* have 5 Ts with 2 more on the way.
> 
> He has his hobbies and I have mine, but we also have the stuff we like to do together. He doesn't get as excited as I do about feeding time or cleaning time or "heh, Edgar is standing on all tippy-toes again" but he does appreciate the Ts.
> 
> ...


Not everyone is so fortunate however. The majority of people out there are usually not very understanding of things like this. I am to the point of where I am about to buy another T without my mother's permission. I know I shouldn't, but I just see no reason to her way of thinking. I take good care of mine now and am able to pay for their food. Gah, parents are much worse and less understanding then spouses/ partners.


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## VictorHernandez (Nov 27, 2012)

Lol sorry but this was a funny story. Where did you secretly keep them?


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## paassatt (Nov 27, 2012)

BobGrill said:


> I know I shouldn't, but I just see no reason to her way of thinking.


The fact that you live under her roof should be a good enough reason.

Reactions: Like 4


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## Scoolman (Nov 27, 2012)

VictorHernandez said:


> Lol sorry but this was a funny story. Where did you secretly keep them?


I kept them in my classroom for two years. My wife still does not like them, but she sees how much they mean to me and now tolerates them for me. In fact I have my own Troom in the house now, and several breeding projects.


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## BobGrill (Nov 27, 2012)

paassatt said:


> The fact that you live under her roof should be a good enough reason.


Look lets not get into this, it's really my business. But even so, she's not going to kick me out over a spider.


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## Silberrücken (Nov 27, 2012)

BobGrill said:


> Look lets not get into this, it's really my business. But even so, she's not going to kick me out over a spider.


*passatt is right. It may be your business, but you're in a public forum, making the hobby look bad by deceiving your mother. Expect repercussions from other members.

Why you must insist on going against your mother's wishes is beyond me. She gave you life, raised you, provides a roof over your head even after you're an adult. You have a WHOLE LIFETIME ahead of you.... wait til you get your own place. Then you have have anything you want. Without losing your mom's trust in you.

No matter which way you go....  good luck to you.*

Reactions: Like 9


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## sugarsandz (Nov 28, 2012)

My husband and I are staying with my parents so we can pay off some debt. I have two tarantulas that she doesn't really care for but doesn't mind me having. The first one my sister brought home against my mom's wishes and got bored with it so I took it. I fell in love with tarantulas and figured my mom would go nuts if I brought another into her house without asking but I was going to anyway at first. I had rehoused my G. rosea into a bigger tank and the smaller tank was just sitting there with the old log in it and the old substrate since I wasn't concerned about getting to it right away and that's when I thought I could get another spider in that tank after I secretly cleaned it and mom would never ever know! Well long story short I can't lie to people even if I really want something so I told her what I was planning to do behind her back and she laughed at me and said NO WAY! Long story short I heard about an upcoming reptile show in my area and asked her nicely if I could just get one for my birthday and she actually caved in and said ok but no more. So I picked up my B. smithi and I'm okay with two until I'm out of here.

If I'd kept them hidden I could just see her accidentally coming across them one day and killing them out of fear and confusion. I'd catch her blowing on my G. rosea so it would move, that was a fun conversation. I don't like lecturing my mom but she needed to know that blowing on them is stressful, plus catch one on a bad day and you get a face full of hairs. She just looks now, lol!


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## Bast (Nov 29, 2012)

BobGrill said:


> Not everyone is so fortunate however. The majority of people out there are usually not very understanding of things like this. I am to the point of where I am about to buy another T without my mother's permission. I know I shouldn't, but I just see no reason to her way of thinking. I take good care of mine now and am able to pay for their food. Gah, parents are much worse and less understanding then spouses/ partners.


Now granted I am a mom that is a little more accepting of exotic pets...but I would be extremely upset and disappointed (probably very angry as well) if my son went ahead and purchased/brought home a pet without my permission and approval.  It's all about trust, and when I am paying the bills and providing shelter/food/schooling he is expected to follow my rules.   I would never want to be put in the situation where any animal (spider or otherwise) would have to be re-homed/adopted out because of my son's lack of responsibility to follow the rules.  Not to come down hard on you, but it is a detriment to the hobby (no matter what the animal) to take an animal into a household where there is a very high possibility of the animal not being welcome.   Wait until you have a home of your own, where you are financially stable and responsible enough to make sure that animal has a home where it is welcome and will be with you for it's whole life.  Lying/misleading will only lead to trouble for you, your t's (or any other unwelcome pet) and your family.  Not worth ticking mommy off IMO.

Reactions: Like 1


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