How to deal with the wife...

MVPCrawford

Arachnopeon
Joined
Aug 12, 2002
Messages
24
I told my wife I was getting spiders. She said, "no". I said, "Yes, I am an adult and you won't even see them." Well, today she saw that I bought FOUR enclosures and got pretty mad. Any advice or magic words that will make our better halves understand?

-MVPCrawford
 

SkyeSpider

Spider Queen
Old Timer
Joined
Jul 17, 2002
Messages
1,253
Let her buy something nice that she wants. That usually works for my wife. Well, up until I actually got her liking a few kinds of spiders (she's NUTS for A avics!).

-Bryan
 

Fuggrur

Arachnopeon
Joined
Aug 5, 2002
Messages
40
I would suggest that you purchase a new wife Hehe

Or. Just buy your current Wife a Diamond, Whichever is cheaper
:)
 

Devildoll

Arachnoknight
Old Timer
Joined
Jul 19, 2002
Messages
267
get her drunk and record her saying yes:) that could be useful in all kinds of situations.
 

krystal

Arachnodite
Old Timer
Joined
Jul 18, 2002
Messages
381
call her a big meanie, then whine "you never let me do anything fun!", storm off and slam a door somewhere (to emphasize just how unfair she's being about this whole thing). she'll get the point!

(just kidding—do not do that. women are suckers for sweet thoughts and intentions. make her a card with hearts and flowers on it and says how you love her and that she means the whole world to you, and on the inside in really, really tiny letters, write "opening this card negates all previous discussion concerning arachnids in the house, and means whomever was opposed to the idea of living with tarantulas has reconsidered and will now allow them.")

(or just buy one—a very docile one. after she gets used to having it around, then you can buy the 35 other tarantulas you want.)
 

Mendi

Arachnowolf
Old Timer
Joined
Jul 19, 2002
Messages
1,387
Get a really pretty and docile tarantula to win her over that not all Ts are just big hairy spiders. Something like an A.versicolor sling. With their electric blue colors and sweet dispositions they might do the job. A G.rosea can do the job too, but they don't have the flashy looks, but are more handlable as they often will sit there in her hands with out moving where the Avic's may want to jump off and go wandering around the room. I've even managed to talk a 60-some year grandmother into holding a Rosie and it really got her interested in my Ts to the point she offered to baby sit the nice ones sometime :D
 

MORBIUS

Arachnosquire
Old Timer
Joined
Jul 19, 2002
Messages
82
There's always the "Honey look what followed me home!, Can we keep it.? " Of cource that can only work once, If at all so make it a good one!!.

MORBIUS =D =D
 

Gail

Arachnopixie
Old Timer
Joined
Aug 16, 2002
Messages
521
Well, this is a tough one. My husband is extremely arachnophobic but I did talk him into letting me have spiders. Our rules are I never "stick them in his face" and "if one gets out they all go". My reasoning with him initially was similar to yours - they don't smell, they don't make noise, they are cheap to keep, and you never have to deal with them. My advice would be not to push it too hard. Stand your ground about wanting them and maybe even play a little dirty if you have too - like "I let you have what you want". It's been many years but I was finally rewarded by catching my husband checking out my babies and sub-adults and he even started asking some questions even though he was still shuddering and saying "oh my God look at the size of that one". So be patient with her, but firm and maybe you'll be really lucky and once she sees them she will like them. Oh, I'd also advise some very gentle species to start with so you can calm her fears - a cobalt blue would definately NOT go over well at first.

Gail
 

MVPCrawford

Arachnopeon
Joined
Aug 12, 2002
Messages
24
The four are coming tomorrow!!
A.anax
A.moderatum
B.vagans
B.pallidum

All are docile, so we'll see. Whichever one is prettiest, I will show her first. They are all adults, and supposedly all docile :)

-MVPCrawford
 
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Maelstrom

Arachnopeon
Joined
Aug 17, 2002
Messages
17
:)

Best of luck!!! My boyfriend (we live together) wasn't too keen on the idea at first - but now that he sees they are so tiny (I have two itsy bitsy spiderlings - b.vagans and g.pulchra) and spiffy that he made the comment that he wants one too. Before I told him any details about the tarantulas he was apprehensive, but after he found out about their relatively simple needs, and saw how excitied I was about them he changed his opinion. He is also relieved that they might not eat his cats....

Again, best of luck - do you have a den or home office that you can keep them out of sight, out of mind in? I decided to keep them in my studio - which helped the situation a lot.
 

belewfripp

Arachnobaron
Old Timer
Joined
Aug 17, 2002
Messages
345
A Word Of Caution

Just a cautionary note, A. moderatum can be a touchy spider and will bite pretty readily. Also, although I have handled and dealt with B. vagans with no problem, mine has also reared up and tried to bite at times, especially if disturbed while in her burrow. The anax and the pallidum are probably your best bets to win the wife over, unfortunately; unfortunate because the vagans and the moderatum are probably the prettiest of the four. Best of luck,

Adrian
 

kosh

Arachnobaron
Old Timer
Joined
Sep 10, 2002
Messages
508
gail......i am/was an arachnophobic real bad also...that is part of the reason i got a T...i guess i am still an arachnophobic when it comes to true spiders....i am scared sh_tless of them...especially the big wolf spiders that keep getting into the house!!!
but i am virtually the only one in the house who will hold our G. rosea!!! although if he moves too suddenly or crawls on me in the wrong place i tend to want to freak out....i think the T's are beautiful though!!! and i want more!!
 

jwb121377

Arachnoangel
Old Timer
Joined
Aug 20, 2002
Messages
907
Originally posted by Gail
Well, this is a tough one. My husband is extremely arachnophobic but I did talk him into letting me have spiders. Our rules are I never "stick them in his face" and "if one gets out they all go".
Hey Gail I'm stuck to the same rule! If mine get out she gets to spray them with raid. (she would have to kill me first!!) Also I know I've herd a lot of people say that A moderatum is untrustworthy, however I find mine to be an angel.
 

Bjorgly

Arachnodemon
Old Timer
Joined
Aug 7, 2002
Messages
729
In Schultz and Schultz's Tarantula Keeper's Guide, they say that the A. Moderatum (i think thats how you spell it, if not you know which i mean=)) will bite readily and can be quite agressive.

Mark
 

jwb121377

Arachnoangel
Old Timer
Joined
Aug 20, 2002
Messages
907
I know I have the book. What I'm getting at is that I have found that with my A moderatum she is quite docile. I handle mine more than my B. smithi. Of corse I know this may not be the norm, and caution should be taken until your sure of you new pets reaction to being handled. Also there may be diffrence in captive bred A. moderatum apposed to wild caught ones? Don't know that for sure though, as I have never had a wild caught one. Not trying to be difficult, just pionting out an observation I've made :)
 

Immortal_sin

Arachnotemptress
Old Timer
Joined
Jul 17, 2002
Messages
3,955
well, basically, I just nodded my head, and said 'I know I know' then went and ordered more, to arrive on days that I knew he wouldn't be home :D
Once you have 20 or so, it's easy to add more, nobody, even yourself, can really keep track of them all.
It's also helpful to have empty containers lying around LOL
Actually, he finally realized that it's a harmless hobby (except I DO have a P regalis loose!) and that he doesn't have to have anything to do with it. He can certainly have whatever hobby he wants, and I've NEVER interferred, so that's the ace up my sleeve...
It's gotten to the point that he will watch the matings, since it's exciting, and he'll catch loose crickets and bring them back to their container ;)
 

MrT

Arachnoking
Old Timer
Joined
Aug 13, 2002
Messages
2,174
Give up the remote for a while, let her have her way even if you don't like it. She'll get over it. My wife was the same way when I told her I was getting into T's. She says she does'nt like them and their ugly, yet last night she was asking me if I picked up crickets on the way home to feed them.

MrT
 

The_Phantom

Scarlet O' Hairy
Old Timer
Joined
Aug 20, 2002
Messages
1,062
If I was going to get a new tarantula (and the budget was not tight and allowed for it) and my HUSBAND objected, heres what Id say:

Buzz off.

Yep. Simple as that. Headship smedship. I want another T damnit and yer not going to stop me !!

And I shall never get rid of them for him either !!!!!!!!

Never !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DO you suppose thats why Im still single ???

Probly. OR perhaps Uve seen my picture.:(

Im not unreasonable though, I doubt Id ever own more than 5 or six of them....;)
 

Mister Internet

Big Meanie Doo Doo Head :)
Arachnosupporter +
Joined
Aug 5, 2002
Messages
1,408
Well... I both feel your pain and don't. I feel your pain in that I grew up in the country, perfectly comfortable with creepies of allshapes and sizes, and my wife grew up in the city, perfectly NOT. I don't in that you really aren't going about this the right way...

When i mentioned getting back into inverts (she knows I used to have a lot of them as a kid), she expressed extreme apprehension. BRinging up Centipedes first probably wasn't the best idea. ;) Anyway, one day we go out in the garage and in the bottom of a bucket is a good-sized common grass spider, webbing and all. He was very thin, so I told her, "watch this..." I kicked around he yard until I found a little cricket, and I dropped it in the bucket. He literally pounced on it, and my wife was fascinated... she'd never been able to see something like that before.

Needless to say... she's letting me keep it in the garage. I'm considering this kind of a "dry run." She's told me in no uncertain terms that if it stays in the cage, it's fine, but if it ever gets out, I'm toast. She'll actually look at it with me, but she likes her creepies CAGED.

Come to an agreement on it... she'll always hold it against you if you act like a baby about it ("I'm and adult and I'll do it if I wanna... I wanna... I wanna..."), and it will just make her want to act that same way the next time she wants something from you. See if she can agree to let you keep just one little sling... once she sees that spiders aren't demons hell-bent on jumping up and biting her (at least not all of them :), she'll probably be OK with the idea...

Of course, since you went ahead and ordered them anyway (with or without her agreement, sounds like), this is all pretty much moot... sounds like you either got your issues worked out between you, or you just disregarded her feelings on the matter. For the sake of your marriage, I hope it was the former...
 

Code Monkey

Arachnoemperor
Old Timer
Joined
Jul 22, 2002
Messages
3,786
Originally posted by Mister Internet
BRinging up Centipedes first probably wasn't the best idea. ;)
Heh, my wife still doesn't know about my centipedes. She HATES pedes, calls them 'disgusting' and all kinds of other slanderous names. So when I wanted to get some a few months back, I just ordered them. I've got so many little containers around, they just blend right in :D

Right now they're small and I think (hope) she just assumes it's another sling. If and when she notices a 7" pede thrashing around the inside of a cage a year from now, I'll cross that bridge :cool:
 
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