get used to it

kyrga

Arachnobaron
Old Timer
Joined
Mar 24, 2007
Messages
321
Does anyone have advice on getting friends/family members educated on Ts? Most of my family has accepted them, even my mom who screamed when she saw my first T lol. The only person I can't get to accept them is my boyfriend. He will put up with one or two, as long as they never leave their tanks, but he's constantly saying how gross and disgusting and stupid they are (though he's the one who bought me my first T, go figure).

I suppose I should be happy that he'll put up with a few of them, but I eventually want to expand my collection, and I'd really love to share my hobby with him.
 

midnight_maiden

Arachnosquire
Old Timer
Joined
Jan 19, 2007
Messages
98
Give it time, they'll grow on him. ;)

My boyfriend actually persuaded me (who is not to big on any sort of creepy crawly) to get a T. Well by researching and learning about them I sort of got addicted. Now 3 months later I have 10 and couldn't be happier.

Good Luck!

~Carla~
 

Alice

Arachnoangel
Old Timer
Joined
Sep 29, 2006
Messages
976
there is no cure for someone who doesn't want to swallow it... if you have tried talking to him seriously about it, and he is still unwilling to even try and change his perspective, than there is not much you can do.

my bf was an arachnophobic when we met, and he still doesn't love spiders, including ts. but he accepts my hobby and lets me have as many as i want, lets me breed them and even sometimes helps with maintainance. however, he doesn't ever want one himself and has never touched one.

i think you cannot force someone to like your hobby. but if he loves you, he should accept it. try telling him that this hobby is a part of your interests and therefore of your personality. how would he feel if you called something disgusting that is important to him? so even if he doesn't want to share your hobby he should let you get on with it - and keep his mouth shut if there is nothing positive he can say about it!

just my 2 pence.
 

phil jones

Arachnoprince
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Dec 17, 2006
Messages
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there is no cure for someone who doesn't want to swallow it... if you have tried talking to him seriously about it, and he is still unwilling to even try and change his perspective, than there is not much you can do.

my bf was an arachnophobic when we met, and he still doesn't love spiders, including ts. but he accepts my hobby and lets me have as many as i want, lets me breed them and even sometimes helps with maintainance. however, he doesn't ever want one himself and has never touched one.

i think you cannot force someone to like your hobby. but if he loves you, he should accept it. try telling him that this hobby is a part of your interests and therefore of your personality. how would he feel if you called something disgusting that is important to him? so even if he doesn't want to share your hobby he should let you get on with it - and keep his mouth shut if there is nothing positive he can say about it!

just my 2 pence.
is your b/ f/ still with you and your - t.s.- ? :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:
 

mikeymo

Arachnoknight
Old Timer
Joined
Jan 14, 2007
Messages
176
The best way to counter fear and or feelings of ‘ickiness’ is with education. I've had countless people come over and immediately freeze once they saw the T tanks, and I’ve found that the root of the fear/ickiness is ignorance and misinformation.

This allowed me to give them some information and they always asked questions. The chance to educate is a benefit of having an "unusual" pet. What can you ask someone who has a dog aside from "what breed is it?". Once i explained the feeding process, the molting process, and they were able to see that not all tarantulas are black/brown monsters, they started to warm up to the idea. Granted, they didn't want to cuddle with them, but at least they warmed up to the idea of them.

With time, i'm sure your boyfriend will accept them (maybe not love them) but accept them. I'm sure you have rules in place to be sensitive to his concerns. For instance, you won't take them out when he's around.
 

Alice

Arachnoangel
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Sep 29, 2006
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yes, he's been with me for 2 years and still is phil - apparently i'm worth having to put up with the ts...;P

i think that if you love ts and someone cannot accept that as part of your personality, YOU is not what they want. i'm just to old to put up with someone trying to model me after the ideal in their head - i take them as they are - or i don't if i don't like someone - and they take me as i am. ime the only way any relationship/friedship is going to work. and it works fine with me, havn't lost family or friends in my 5 years of spider keeping {D
 

ember

Arachnosquire
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Feb 13, 2007
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129
yes, he's been with me for 2 years and still is phil - apparently i'm worth having to put up with the ts...;P

i think that if you love ts and someone cannot accept that as part of your personality, YOU is not what they want. i'm just to old to put up with someone trying to model me after the ideal in their head - i take them as they are - or i don't if i don't like someone - and they take me as i am. ime the only way any relationship/friedship is going to work. and it works fine with me, havn't lost family or friends in my 5 years of spider keeping {D
Wow! What an awesome post, Alice!!!
 

phil jones

Arachnoprince
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yes, he's been with me for 2 years and still is phil - apparently i'm worth having to put up with the ts...;P

i think that if you love ts and someone cannot accept that as part of your personality, YOU is not what they want. i'm just to old to put up with someone trying to model me after the ideal in their head - i take them as they are - or i don't if i don't like someone - and they take me as i am. ime the only way any relationship/friedship is going to work. and it works fine with me, havn't lost family or friends in my 5 years of spider keeping {D
good luck to you and him !!! and the - t.s. aswell :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: ;) ==== phil
 

Alice

Arachnoangel
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Joined
Sep 29, 2006
Messages
976
Wow! What an awesome post, Alice!!!
lol, at the antedeluvian age of 27, a girl has to sort out her priorities. ;)

no, honestly, i just think changing your character to be more acceptable in the eyes of others is doing neither yourself nor them a favour. obviously, i'm talking about character traits/behaviour that doesn't harm others.

and i have found that - at least with most people i know - being upfront and honest about how and who you are is the best way to go, even with a hobby like breeding ts. i have people coming to my house who swore they would never again visit if i bought even a single spider. but eventually they found out that liking big hairy tarantulas does not make someone a bad person or a less valuable friend.
 

Sunar

Arachnoknight
Old Timer
Joined
Mar 28, 2006
Messages
276
Alice is right on. My ex didn't like them at all but she respected that I wanted them and just didn't go near them. *We didn't break up cause of T's :D*

Funny thing is my Mom absolutely loves them and always wants to see me feed them when she comes over. hehe

~Fred
 

cricket54

Arachnoangel
Old Timer
Joined
Dec 27, 2003
Messages
903
People will either get used to you having them, or they will stay uncomfortable about it. My husband eventually got to the point where he bought T's for me, and I am so gratefull. I even have a "blue fang" that is his.

I am moving to CA in May, and my son-in-law out there is uncomfortable about me having them. He doesn't mind though, because I will have them in my own house behind them that I'm renting. I want to give one of my GBB babies to my daughter, but she says Andreas says no. It was my daughter Sherry there that got me into T's when she was in Ele. school. She wanted a T, and I told her if she saved her own money, we'd buy one. Well she did, and I had to go through with the deal we made. That was like 19 yrs ago.

So now I have 14 scorps., and 21 tarantulas that I am going to take across country with me to CA. The neat thing is the Realtor we are selling our house through was not freaked out about seeing all the bugs. He is not conserned about the folks who are buying it coming to see the house either, so I don't have to try and hide them. The only animal he's worried about them seeing is my other daughter, Laura's pet rat. She just moved, and will take him and her own T's eventually, but I'll have to hide him in my truck when the folks come inside to see the house. Laura (Tequilla on here) has tried to find a Rat rescue, or other people to take him, but got no reponse. He's a great pet, and I see no reason why she can't keep him in her apt. They allow even dogs there. My husband says I can't take him to CA with me, and he could die from the heat staying in the truck. I will be traveling across country with 2 dogs, 2 ferrets, and my lovebird. Gonna be crowded enough, all in a Toy. Tacoma truck with access cab and cap on the back. The ferrets are illegal in CA, and I'll have to conceal them when we get stopped at the border on Rt. 40. Going to be fun.

So give up on trying to change people's view on you having the arachnids. Its frustrating, but something we all here have had to deal with. Some folks even give up and get rid of their T's and scorps. to make peace. Our friend Socrates, Wendy, is trying to do this to appease her husband, but she will still hang onto a couple of tarantulas. Feel bad for her.

Sharon
 

Diva Satanica

Arachnosquire
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Mar 26, 2007
Messages
72
The only animal he's worried about them seeing is my other daughter, Laura's pet rat. She just moved, and will take him and her own T's eventually, but I'll have to hide him in my truck when the folks come inside to see the house. Laura (Tequilla on here) has tried to find a Rat rescue, or other people to take him, but got no reponse. He's a great pet, and I see no reason why she can't keep him in her apt. They allow even dogs there. My husband says I can't take him to CA with me, and he could die from the heat staying in the truck. I will be traveling across country with 2 dogs, 2 ferrets, and my lovebird. Gonna be crowded enough, all in a Toy. Tacoma truck with access cab and cap on the back. The ferrets are illegal in CA, and I'll have to conceal them when we get stopped at the border on Rt. 40. Going to be fun.


Sharon
Too bad you're not closer to me, or I would take the rat for you. My kids have always had pet rats and I think they are some of the best pets around.
Good luck with your move.
 

Nitibus

Arachnodemon
Old Timer
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Feb 7, 2007
Messages
728
My G/F WAS an Arachophobe. What I did was talk about how interesting they are, share with them your understanding of what great creatures they are, and how they have been mis-judged.

Sadly enough our society sees " creepy crawlies " as evil, and beautiful things as " good ". Thanks Hollywood ! That can't be further from the truth.

Get your partner involved. Buy a T together. Let them pick, and name a T. Let tem set up the tank. You take care of it for them, but feed together so theyhave some interaction with the T . Once they get a " buy in" they generally change their minds.

It worked for me !
 

cricket54

Arachnoangel
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Dec 27, 2003
Messages
903
Thankyou so much for your reply Diva! Rats make a wonderfull pet and seem a lot like dogs. I love Sammy as we call him. I had to rescue him last week from my grandson. He was sticking a drum stick in the cage and poking him. Poor Sammy! I smacked my grandson's butt and got Sammy out of the cage right away, and cuddled him. He was licking my face like a puppy! We don't take him out of the cage much, but give him snacks through it, and he will nip your hand if you put it there because he's expecting food. My 2 dogs will put their noses there and get bit. You'd think they would learn. But, I am sure at Laura's apt., Sammy will do really well with no dogs there. I'd love to take him on our move. We've had rats here as pets for yrs because I used to have a boa. Our first one was because the boa turned out not to be hungry and I didn't want to put the rat through that again, so she became a pet.

Sorry to diverse from the topic here. Talking about T's to a person, and getting them to learn and watch them, does help...if you can get that far. Lets face it, most folks have such an aversion to spiders, that they won't even listen to you. I've had some success with folks this way, but you can't win them all over. Sometimes you just hit a wall:wall:

Sharon
 

Alice

Arachnoangel
Old Timer
Joined
Sep 29, 2006
Messages
976
yes, sometimes nothing will work to convince people that spiders are actually beneficial, beautiful creatures. but if they cannot or don't want to accept that you like them, they're not worth the effort ime. it hints at those people being unable to tolerate many a character trait they don't share... not only a love for ts.

as for ts and relationships: i think that someone who really loves a t keeper will not drop him or her because of the ts. on the other hand, a t keeper should not expect his or her partner to love and collect ts. this thing works in both directions ;).

my bf has overcome the worst of his arachnophobia in the 2 years we've been together - he will hold the deli cups when i drive home from a show (my car, so i drive, no matter who's the girl here ;P - ok, i just love german highways without any speed limit {D:eek:) and even change the water in the glass tanks when he can see where the t is. but he has never held one and really doesn't want to own one. i don't think he's getting there either, that's just a hobby that's not for him. but on the other hand, he bought me a t. apophysis sling for valentine's day:clap: and is totally supportive. he just accepts that ts come with the package, as i accept his quirks...
 

Cheshire

Arachnoking
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Jul 7, 2005
Messages
3,160
I had to drag my parents/landlords all the way down to arachnocon to have dinner with Nerri and Becca to allow me to keep tarantulas.

They agreed to one tarantula.

Look at my profile.
 

phil jones

Arachnoprince
Old Timer
Joined
Dec 17, 2006
Messages
1,052
yes, sometimes nothing will work to convince people that spiders are actually beneficial, beautiful creatures. but if they cannot or don't want to accept that you like them, they're not worth the effort ime. it hints at those people being unable to tolerate many a character trait they don't share... not only a love for ts.

as for ts and relationships: i think that someone who really loves a t keeper will not drop him or her because of the ts. on the other hand, a t keeper should not expect his or her partner to love and collect ts. this thing works in both directions ;).

my bf has overcome the worst of his arachnophobia in the 2 years we've been together - he will hold the deli cups when i drive home from a show (my car, so i drive, no matter who's the girl here ;P - ok, i just love german highways without any speed limit {D:eek:) and even change the water in the glass tanks when he can see where the t is. but he has never held one and really doesn't want to own one. i don't think he's getting there either, that's just a hobby that's not for him. but on the other hand, he bought me a t. apophysis sling for valentine's day:clap: and is totally supportive. he just accepts that ts come with the package, as i accept his quirks...
it must be love ( you and your b.f i mean ) lol === phil
 

dalejamin

Arachnopeon
Joined
Feb 13, 2007
Messages
27
LOL! I completely understand!! I wanted a T loooong ago. Only recently was I able to get one and of course, you can't get just one. I've got three now. My girlfriend was *really* not liking the idea to start off with, but now she can tolerate them. She even likes to watch 'em, although she hasn't goten up the nerve to handle one. Her daughter like my first two so much that she wanted one, so I got her an A. avic. I've even had buddies come over at feeding time, although they have the "creepy-crawly" syndrome. Still, my friends and girlfriend are coming around. It just takes a little time :p Actually, one of the biggest misconceptions most people I know seem to have is that T's are extremely poisonous and dangerous. With a little education and a lot of respect, most people can get over the "creepy-carwly" aspect in time :razz:
 

Annie3Ponies

Arachnoknight
Old Timer
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Dec 13, 2006
Messages
200
Sharon, email me. My last rat passed on a few months ago at age 5, and we have an opening for a nice rat who needs a home.
 

Alice

Arachnoangel
Old Timer
Joined
Sep 29, 2006
Messages
976
phil, still waiting for you to contribute something (anything, really) useful to this or any other thread...

i forgot to add what worked for my mum who was really creeped out by my first t and threatened to squash it: i gave her a huge a. geniculata skin she can show off to her friends - having to defend me and my hobby against them made her side with the t owners. now every time we talk on the phone she asks how the kids are doing ;). so maybe if you got him to side with you against some else's stupid prejudices, he will will admit that ts are not that bad.
 
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