Convincing your significant other/family to accept your Ts?

[synoviaus]

Hi, I would really like to get a T, but my hubby doesn't think a spider in the house is the way to go. Especially, one that grows to be around 8 in. long. (Chaco). So, curious how you guys climbed over this stumblingblock.
I know there has to be a nice diplomatic way to help him to see things my way. LOL Any good suggestions or arguments. :worship:

 

[Robin Da Hood]

Did it before I was involved with anyone. I just made sure that she was aware of my hobby before we got serious... it can be a deal breaker sometimes. But oh well, she'll get over it. ;P

 

[Eagercannibals]

Well, my parents said no when I asked. Soo, I decided to say the hell with it and brought my first one home and didn't tell them about it for the whole day. I surprised them with the new addition to the family and made the point to say that if I didn't show you, you wouldn't have noticed it being there, therefore its not a big deal. Now I have 6. Victory is mine.

 

[Jester]

Bring up the good points, like how they don't smell bad, they're not dangerous to humans, and raising them is rewarding..

 

[astraldisaster]

Well, I would do a few things.

First: Let him know how much it means to you to have a tarantula, and that you've been doing your research.

Second: Educate him! Let him know that they don't pose a threat, and that you'd be very careful with yours. Maybe show him this video.

Third: Emphasize the fact that he's under absolutely no obligation to interact with it, or so much as look at it. That's entirely his choice (as it should be yours to get a pet you want!).

 

[Nektu]

I wasn't a huge spider guy. My wife and I got one and I realized the longer it was in the house the more I got used to it. The more we got, the more I started to learn about them and research them on my own. The more research I did the more I wanted one of my own. We now have 12, one is mine and I want more.

It takes time. But basically, I got tired of her always bugging me to get one and just caved in, lol.

 

[GiantVinegaroon]

College has many benefits. One of those benefits is that you can live on campus and do what YOU want, such as getting tarantulas! That's what I did, and when I came home, I said "Oh, by the way. I have spiders and I'm not getting rid of them."

 

[Verneph]

My mother will never, ever, accept my T's. She thinks they're horribly deadly. It's my father that's understanding about it. He's the only reason I have three now.

 

[Amoeba]

+1 Bring up the good points. They don't smell. They've never killed anyone. There are fish that are harder to keep. Food is cheap. Don't take up much space.

;P I've been fighting this same battle. it's not as uphill as you think. My mom asked to see the H lividum and G rosea at the LPS today.

 

[cnapple]

Second: Educate him! Let him know that they don't pose a threat, and that you'd be very careful with yours. Maybe show him this video.

+1 That's the cutest video i've ever seen. How could you resist getting T after seeing that?

Also, drive home the fact that if he's uncomfortable with it, he really never needs to interact with it at all. My roommate didn't want me to get a T. I basically told him I was going to. I have 10 now, and he knows about them, but other than the general knowledge that they exist, he never has to see them or worry about them at all. Neither does your husband.

 

[killy]

... Educate him! ... show him this video...

Great video, Astral - not only for neophytes, but for those on the fence about handling. Thanks for sharing this!

To the OP: Tarantulas are so ridiculously easy to maintain, silent, odorless and stationary, that you can probably keep it without your hubby ever knowing. Don't tell him, and see how long it takes before he finds out.

 

[satanslilhelper]

Take your husband with you to the Dixie Reptile Show when you go this month and have a talk with Kelly Swift. He's an incredibly gifted T breeder, but an even more fun guy to talk too. I'm sure he could persuade your hubby to let you keep some. I might end up going too since I found out Kelly is showing up there again. It used to be a guy from Huntsville that was running a booth there, but he has recently given up T collecting to focus on his new family I believe. The other guy was great, but Kelly is much more enjoyable to meet and talk T's with by far.

I'll let you know if I'm going too.

 

[Lopez]

My girlfriend is a biologist so it wasn't a problem. In fact before we lived together she actually bred more spiders successfully than I did!

 

[vickywild]

Before I moved in I told my boyfriend that I wasn't coming without her. ;P

 

[Alexandra V]

I never had that problem with significant others because I always told potential partners about them before anything got serious, so either they accept them or they move on. Parents and family are a different story though. To get my parents to let me get one, I did all my research and then started dropping them little facts about tarantulas that make them cool, and told them how they taje even less effort than my snakes as far as maintenance goes. Eventually my father took an interest, and he is now my "partner in crime" when it comes to bringing T's into the house. My mother realized it was 2:1 so she let in, but despite how much she says she dislikes them, sometimes I catch her sneaking into my room to look at them

Then extended family is sort of a go by ear thing. If I think they'll accept them, then I tell them and maybe let them know a little about them, show them if they want, etc., but if I don't think they'll like them, then they don't know about them. Simple as that.

 

[synoviaus]

Thanks, you guys. AWESOME suggestions! I showed him the video. I think he's thawing to the idea. I told him he wouldn't even know it was there!

 

[clffdvr]

Phobias.

If your husband has a genuine phobia about spiders, you don't have a chance. My son (30) has always had spider phobia. When he sees one the hair on the back of his head literally stands up and he goes into some kind of small anxiety attack. He has no other fears, and this one has no beginning as far as any of us know.

Spiders don't suit everyone's favor, so don't try to reason with him. Agree to keep it in an out-of-the-way room. Say you've already talked a lot about them and he knows they are virtually harmless, and they can't escape. Especially for small ones, put a 3 inch band of vaseline around the top.

Tell him that this is something you strongly desire and you need him to give in. If he gets emotional about that, consider whether he has the phobia.

Roger

 

[NikiP]

If the fully grown size is a potential issue, get a sling. Sometimes watching them grow up can help.

If it's the looks that get him, get one of the Avicularia species. People tend to think of large & "black" or "brown" = tarantula. Avics are very fuzzy, brightly colored, & most species don't get to be terribly large, plus they have an amusing way of moving

If your husband has a genuine phobia about spiders, you don't have a chance.

Not always. Really it depends on the level of the phobia and if the person is willing to work with it.

My bf told me it took a while for him to be ok just looking at pictures of any type of spiders or tarantula. He forced himself to research & educate himself about them before he could touch just a picture.

I got back into tarantulas after we first broke up. He came back into my life knowing I was back into keeping them. I never teased or taunted him with my spiders & took his phobia seriously. Took a while, but he's even helped pack a few & catches true spiders now that he thinks i'm interested in. He doesn't however hold them, feed them, & stays out of the room depending on which container I have open.

My biggest tip is education. People tend to be more scared of the unknown or what the media poorly portrays.

But i'm also not saying that everyone can just get over a phobia

 

[Kris-wIth-a-K]

I look at it as having a dog. Just because not everyone cant enjoy it means you can't have it? Pretty selfish if you ask me lol.

 

[synoviaus]

So much good information here. I agree that education is the key. This will be a good thread for the future too! There's a great number of arachnophobia sufferers out there. I'm even a mild one myself, used to be much worse! In high school, I had really long hair. I was working in the flowerbeds when I felt something trapped in my hair! It was a huge spider! It took several minutes to get it out and untangled. In the meantime, I was pretty traumatized. I'm almost 40 yrs. old now. It has taken me this long to consider a T. I think that this will help me so much to continue with my growth. Also, I'm a programming librarian and would like to someday do a T program. There's so many mistaken fears and ideas about them.