Convincing your significant other/family to accept your Ts?

[ArachnidSentinl]

I've always felt that most individuals are socialized to be disgusted with spiders as opposed to legitimately having an innate fear or phobia. Not many people are exposed to large spiders (or any invertebrates) unless they are very fortunate; too many people watch Animal Planet's fear-mongering "documentaries" and have no other experience with them.

A few years ago, I was afraid of spiders. Long story short, I was introduced to the hobby via a friend. Being gradually desensitized by having a spider-behind-glass was an invaluable experience and one that I recommend.

My parents weren't thrilled with me getting into the hobby, but I gradually exposed them to it. Now, they don't mind and even buy me the occasional invert(!). I've been dating a woman for about a month now who was a self-proclaimed arachnophobe, however now -- after only a month -- she can sleep in the same room as my invert rack.

It's been my experience that most people will become reasonably accommodating if their perspectives are challenged in a respectful and gradual way. Even individuals that are pathologically phobic of spiders can be desensitized (best leave that to the MI professionals, lol). Ultimately it depends on the person, but there's always hope.

 

[Thehat222]

My girlfriend didn't know about my hobby and was like "F***! There is no way in hell you're bringing those things with us if we ever live together!" when she saw my bedroom the first time
What I did was begin handling my G. Rosea and G. Pulchripes in front of her. I don't usually handle either because I don't see much of a point in stressing the beautiful girlies out. But impressing a woman seemed like a good enough reason to me.
She was fascinated by the shiny pink carapace on my rosey and asked to hold it so I let it crawl onto her lap and what do ya know, Christmas time she walks up to my house with a 2" A. Avic in a deli-cup and says "So I love its pink toes-is and thought you would think it was cute too."
I recommend just to handle your most docile T just so your family/friends/significant others at least understand that these animals are not going to attack them for no reason and can be majestic, interesting, beautiful animals.
My family has dealt with my invert obsession since I was four and would come in hold jumping spiders and calling them baby tarantulas so I never had to do any convincing with them but girlfriends I've had to do A LOT of convincing with.

I think spider videos on youtube and pictures of the pretty ones is a good idea as far as convincing you hubby to let you get one.

 

[synoviaus]

Thanks, we will be attending the Dixie Reptile Show. I'm hoping that Lance will go with me to look at the pretty Tarantulas. LOL.
Amy

 

[ElevenBravo]

I was a former petrified phobe. Every spider was venomous to me because venomous spiders existed. I decided one day that I was going to find out what all those lil brown creepy things are and how dangerous they are or arent. I found out most of them are harmless wolf and grass spiders. I then started looking at Ts and decided that ones pretty and that one and that one and that one and so on. The jet black beauty the Braz Black or Grammostola pulchra stole my heart due to the fact they look like they are made of black velvet and have a reputation for being very calm and docile. I wanted a T that I could handle to help me get over my fears. Five Ts later I have one and have been extremly happy raising and taking care of them.

My point is educate him and you will win him over if not you do have the power of female persuasion to fall back on

 

[gambite]

I did not tell them about them until after I had them for a while, they are pretty easy to hide. As long as you dont make a big deal about it, most people wont do anything about it even if they say they dont like it.

 

[morg59jeep]

if you are a girl and he is a guy, use your body to convince him.

 

[BobGrill]

In my opinion you can't convince many people to accept tarantulas as pets. Sad? yes, but also true. Some people will never come around to the idea and there is no way to convince them.

 

[Thehat222]

So how is it going? Convincing you husband?

 

[Ben Oliver]

i asked my wife if i could get a T she said no right off the bat, so i started to tell her that they were no different than the lizards that i keep they eat the same things then i was showing her different videos on youtube, than she brought up the point of the T escaping, i told her that the kids would be better off if the t got out instead of the lizards. the lizards are tokay geckos, golden geckos, marbled geckos, savannah monitors, red tailed boa, bearded dragons, whites tree frog, and 2 cane toads. i didn't lie or change the truths. now i have 4 T's the only T she is sort of worried about is the h. lividum. we all now that they are very defensive and can bite many times. now i have gotten her to hold my little avic avic and my g. pulchrips sling. she will not hold my large female g. pulchripes its only about 5.5" to 6". she has told me that i can get some l.p. slings if i want. i did everything that i could to prove to her that they were ok to have in the house. she got some-what madd at me for breeding roaches she has even got over that one when i told her it would save a ton of money on feeders for the lizards and others now. so every person has their spot and i knew what my wifes was so that is what i did tell the truth about size and temperments and what they eat. and then try to explain if they can get like the h. lividum or like g. pulchrips but not like my big female very defensive she will bite very quick. i told my wife just because one is nasty doesn't mean they all will be. my kids love that we have the critters in the house, they say that we live in a zoo.

 

[stewstew8282]

if you are a girl and he is a guy, use your body to convince him.

agreed, withhold teh nookies until he caves. end game right there...;P;P

 

[R U 4 THC 2]

I had a few tarantulas, snakes, and lizards before I me t my girlfriend... now she does too in fact were getting more today!

 

[JayMadison]

Hi, I would really like to get a T, but my hubby doesn't think a spider in the house is the way to go. Especially, one that grows to be around 8 in. long. (Chaco). So, curious how you guys climbed over this stumblingblock.
I know there has to be a nice diplomatic way to help him to see things my way. LOL Any good suggestions or arguments. :worship:

I live alone, so I didn't have to convince anyone but the condo assoication, I just had to convince them it wouldn't get loose and kill the neighbor kids (ahem I mean "cause medically significant bites"). My dad thinks I'm crazy, but that's kinda the norm.

---------- Post added 08-13-2011 at 10:37 AM ----------

Well, my parents said no when I asked. Soo, I decided to say the hell with it and brought my first one home and didn't tell them about it for the whole day. I surprised them with the new addition to the family and made the point to say that if I didn't show you, you wouldn't have noticed it being there, therefore its not a big deal. Now I have 6. Victory is mine.

Nice I have 3 juvi's and 4 spiderlings, so y'know whoever I date next will need to deal with it.

---------- Post added 08-13-2011 at 10:42 AM ----------

If the fully grown size is a potential issue, get a sling. Sometimes watching them grow up can help.

If it's the looks that get him, get one of the Avicularia species. People tend to think of large & "black" or "brown" = tarantula. Avics are very fuzzy, brightly colored, & most species don't get to be terribly large, plus they have an amusing way of moving



Not always. Really it depends on the level of the phobia and if the person is willing to work with it.

My bf told me it took a while for him to be ok just looking at pictures of any type of spiders or tarantula. He forced himself to research & educate himself about them before he could touch just a picture.

I got back into tarantulas after we first broke up. He came back into my life knowing I was back into keeping them. I never teased or taunted him with my spiders & took his phobia seriously. Took a while, but he's even helped pack a few & catches true spiders now that he thinks i'm interested in. He doesn't however hold them, feed them, & stays out of the room depending on which container I have open.

My biggest tip is education. People tend to be more scared of the unknown or what the media poorly portrays.

But i'm also not saying that everyone can just get over a phobia

Couldn't a therapist help? Personally I think if the person spent some time with spiders it might fade. But I'm not a pro when it comes to phobias.

 

[gashadokuro]

I just brought mine home and said if they go in the room they'll get bit, been fine since.

 

[webbedone]

My wife is extremely phobic(apperently because she was attacked by a 12 foot, 400 pound gaint house spider when she was in colledge) so before i started bringing spiders home i made her read all sorts of books and taped insect shows for weeks. She is less phobic now and i have a collection, she still scared of them but she does feed them and refills the water dishes when i am not home. Also i made a deal with her before she starts screaming "no!!!!" about anything i purchase a book on the animal she reads it and than gives me an educated answer with reasonable explanation of yes or no

 

[vickywild]

I am having trouble convincing my boyfriend to allow me to bring a h.lividum into the flat ever since he saw a website list it as "pure evil."

Aha.

He'll come around eventually though, I'm sure.

Maybe I'll buy a Lividum sling and tell him it's a G.Pulchra or something xD.

 

[webbedone]

Just tell him that you found a website that listed him being as "pure evil" so him and h.lidum would make a great pair. They can build a super villain lair togather, hang out and plan to take over the fridge or something.

 

[Kazahmish]

Greetings,
I missed my T collection something terrible, so after moving in with my dad (he's 70 and declining health so I help him out in exchange for a place to stay) I approached him about starting my collection again, he said NOPE.. not gonna have it, so I dropped the subject... so, for the next 6 months I kept calling him into my computer room to show him videos of T's being fed and such... and then would walk outside showing him all the cool spiders around the park.. (got a REAL nice Orb weaver outside my window right now.. ) well.. finally in June I asked him again if I could start my collection...

Success... so.. without giving him time to change his mind I ran out and bought a 10g tank and some stuff to go in it.. but then the temps hit the mid 90s and couldnt get a delivery.. fearing he would change his mind I went to the local pet store to see what they had.. it was a pink toe.. and in BAD shape too.. I could see mites inside the tank and a cotton ball in the water dish.. so I left without even saying a word.. now, hopefully in Sept the temps will drop so I can get a delivery.. and today I showed him some videos from RobC on You Tube.. he sat there for about 30 min watching vid after vid.. I think he was hooked as well.. even though he won't admit it, all he asked was that they never get out.. and I told him.. Nope.. never will... (so I lied.. he won't know.. lol)

oh, BTW, I just joined the forum today so HI everyone.. Mike here from GA..

 

[Formerphobe]

she was attacked by a 12 foot, 400 pound giant house spider

:laugh: (note user name...)
I'm on the greater side of half a century... My octogenarian mother lives with me and is not fond of arachnids in general. I just have to take care that I have no escapees because she "will step on them"... I try to slip new ones in under the proverbial wire so she doesn't get her britches in a twist. Collection recently doubled... my bad...:laugh:

 

[synoviaus]

Happy news on my plans. Husband is now a non issue! Well, since I'm getting a divorce not for my DH's fear of spidies, I'll be able to begin my collection as soon as I get a new place. So, right now I'm thinking of what I want to start off with. I know I want to start with a G. Pulchripes and a B. something (can't make up my mind). After those not sure, maybe a GBB. These will be my first T's so I do want to make sure I get easy to care for species.

 

[ImDeadly]

Reasons to own a Tarantula:

1. They are sooo cute.
2. They scare away solicitors and in-laws.
3. If you get bit, it makes an excellent excuse from work.
4. They dress themselves and you don't have to change their diapers.

---------- Post added 10-28-2011 at 08:51 AM ----------

Happy news on my plans. Husband is now a non issue! Well, since I'm getting a divorce not for my DH's fear of spidies, I'll be able to begin my collection as soon as I get a new place. So, right now I'm thinking of what I want to start off with. I know I want to start with a G. Pulchripes and a B. something (can't make up my mind). After those not sure, maybe a GBB. These will be my first T's so I do want to make sure I get easy to care for species.

I would substitute the G. pulchripes with a G. pulchra. They are sooooo cool and nice.