*Sigh* Frustration

CreepyCrawly

Arachnoknight
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Feb 15, 2005
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177
Wow, maybe it's just the angle of the picture, but that looks like one chunky smithi! Very beautiful too.
 

CreepyCrawly

Arachnoknight
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Feb 15, 2005
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177
critterz said:
My sympathies CreepyCrawly. I have exactly the same problem. I have been married 7 years now, and we have kept many small animals in that time. I started keeping snakes 4 years ago, and got to 6, but scaled it down to my 4 pythons to make my wife a little happier with the space requirements. :wall: I have been keeping T's for over a year now and only have 4. Our problem is that her mother is "afraid" :rolleyes: of spiders, and so is my wife. It took forever to convince her to let me get the first T. But as my small collection indicates, we have problems with numbers. She wasn't at all happy that despite long disaggreements I decided to bring home 3 more slings from a reptile show about a month ago. But she decided to live with it. Her current stance however, is that she will personally exterminate any additional inverts I bring into our home. :eek: I understand how she feels, but know it's unjustified as the spiders cannot escape their jars. So it's frustrating being limited to only a few 8 legged friends :mad: . My hope is that over time I can change her mind. We bought a house a few months ago, and I really don't like taking up more space than I have to with animals either, so I have informed her that when we sell in a few years the house we purchase will have a basement and I will have an animal room. She's not nearly sold on this concept yet, but it's a must for me. So anyway, I feel fr all of you here that share this frustration. Hopefully we'll all worh through it someday.
Well, at least nobody is really afraid of them, or afraid that they'll escape.

I'm working on phasing out the gerbil breeding, and switching to ordering frozen rats online. That is just about as expensive as breeding them is right now (probably because I spoil the gerbils rotten) and the rats will actually be more appropriate for most of the snakes (not to mention less time consuming), and will just sit in the freezer with no need for cages for them. That will make him much happer. He's already said if I get rid of all of the gerbils, he wouldn't be as upset about the spiders.

But I've also special ordered and personally designed new cages for the tarantulas, which should help with the "cages all over the place" appearance trouble he has. We have this huge empty wall... where there are no pictures, posters, not even a calander. No furniture against except for a little DVD tower. I designed cages that will hang ont he wall! They're made totally out of acrylic, and will be entirely transparent. I am going to set them up in sort of mini naturalistic set ups and hang them on this huge empty wall. He said he thought they would look nice, and instead of looking like a mis-mesh of cages (2 aquariums (not even matching) 1 critter keeper, and 4 sterilite tubs) sitting in shelves all over my desk, they'll all be very attractively displayed on a single wall.

I think that between those two things he'll be more comfortable with it. But it's a waiting game on the new cages, as I have to wait for them to be built by a guy in the lower 48 (not too sure which state he's in) and then he's got to ship them to me. Then I have to order the rats, which initially going to be pretty expensive, but then I won't have to pay anything on them for several months to a year, depending on how many I order. So, there are almost always other ways to work around it. It just takes some effort, and in my case, some inventive thinking.

When I still lived at home with my mom she swore to me that if I ever brought a tarantula home she'd kill it. I snuck a G. rosea home, and had a pretty awesome little hiding spot for the cage, and already had lizards to feed bugs to, so it's not like I was all of a suddin bringing home crickets. Well, me being the airhead I can be sometimes left the hiding spot open and uncovered one day that I went to school, and my mom found it. She was pretty mad at me, although she called and talked to my sister and my dad (both at work) which I'm sure calmed her down by the time I got home. She didn't kill it, she was too afraid of it to hurt it. It was about 4" at that time, and she was afraid that if she'd hit it with a broom it would just make it mad and make it chase her, so she just put the top back on the tank. She decided to let me keep it, because she said she realized that it wasn't like I was doing and hiding drugs in my room - it was just a spider. She had me move the cage out to a more visible spot, so she could check on it every once in a while to make sure it was in its cage (which is another pretty funny story in itself), and she even named it "Harry Larry". She soon learned that it didn't even move every day, or every couple of days, and several times she told me that she thought it was dead. She realized that it was more similar to a house plant than a pet... sort of.
 

FRAZE01

Arachnoknight
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Jul 8, 2003
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I couldn't give up any of my animals for anyone,love or not.As my signature says,I had a choice.I was a reptile breeder and animal lover when they met me,I won't give that up,that is who I am.I don't think that anyone else should make your decisions for you.
 

Cirith Ungol

Ministry of Fluffy Bunnies
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FRAZE01 said:
I couldn't give up any of my animals for anyone,love or not.As my signature says,I had a choice.I was a reptile breeder and animal lover when they met me,I won't give that up,that is who I am.I don't think that anyone else should make your decisions for you.
Same would go for me. I am who I am because of what I like and do. If someone doesn't like that it's their problem and Ts are a kind of thing you can expect somone to put up with. It's easier for the other person to accept that than for you, who is involved through interest and emotion, to accept being without.
 

MysticKigh

Arachnoknight
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Apr 20, 2004
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287
FRAZE01 said:
I couldn't give up any of my animals for anyone,love or not.As my signature says,I had a choice.I was a reptile breeder and animal lover when they met me,I won't give that up,that is who I am.I don't think that anyone else should make your decisions for you.
Agreed... I have an ex that didn't cope well with my mini-zoo... to the point that if I was out of town for any length of time I came home to starved to death animals <sigh> On to better things, my partner now, although she sighs with discontentment occasionally when things get loud, is totally supportive of my little zoo... and has added her own addiction of snakes(which was contagious LOL)
 

Wolfchan

Arachnosquire
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Jan 5, 2004
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110
CreepyCrawly said:
Wow, maybe it's just the angle of the picture, but that looks like one chunky smithi! Very beautiful too.
It's not just the angle, she is a PUDGE! She is the T that started my obsession originally, and even then I thought she had a "tick butt". :)

I broke up with my ex over the pet issue, and we were engaged! I would never get rid of any of my animals for anyone, but I had agreed for the time being not to get any more. Then he started being really nasty to my dogs...he never hit them, but he was not nice to them, and I refused to tolerate that.
 

FRAZE01

Arachnoknight
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MysticKigh said:
Agreed... I have an ex that didn't cope well with my mini-zoo... to the point that if I was out of town for any length of time I came home to starved to death animals <sigh> On to better things, my partner now, although she sighs with discontentment occasionally when things get loud, is totally supportive of my little zoo... and has added her own addiction of snakes(which was contagious LOL)
Mine was a little more than a mini-zoo,but #'s don't matter.It's what I am and what I do.I still can't find any to deal with it.They can deal with one or the other.
 

Gene

Arachnoknight
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Jun 17, 2004
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FRAZE01 said:
Mine was a little more than a mini-zoo,but #'s don't matter.It's what I am and what I do.I still can't find any to deal with it.They can deal with one or the other.
Hey, I think it's great that you are true to yourself. That's the only way to be and have any shred of happiness. I am that way myself in all honesty. My wife accepts it, tolerates it, and dare I say on occasion enjoys some of the animals. (Not Ts unfortunately)

I hope you find yourself someone that is as passionate about the animals as you are. Then it will probably work out great.

Best,

Gene
 

FRAZE01

Arachnoknight
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Not many people out there that are like that.I don't just own them to say I do either.I learn about them and from them and that makes it all worth it.It makes it worse when your T collection is going to go from about 10 to roughly 50 over the next few weeks.
 
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Gene

Arachnoknight
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Jun 17, 2004
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FRAZE01 said:
Not many people out there that are like that.I don't just own them to say I do either.I learn about them and from them and that makes it all worth it.It makes it worse when your T collection is going to go from about 10 to roughly 50 over the next few weeks.
I just noticed a similarity between the two of us. We have age on our side. Now that isn't anything against the younger people here it just seems to me that as I get a little older I am not as willing to settle for things anymore. It's my way or the highway with regard to certain issues and I do that to protect my own happiness & intrests.

You are spot on with why you keep your charges. I too learn from them and enjoy the interaction even if it is only cleaning & feeding. There are so many interesting things that get overlooked everyday and Ts happen to be one of the more interesting to me. I don't tell many people that I have them, it comes off as bragging or opting for attention because of the weird or unusual. When people do find out they are surprised that such a "normal guy" would be into that sort of thing. I usually tell them it's just like keeping fish except I don't have to do those annoying water changes. ;P
 

FRAZE01

Arachnoknight
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My animals are one of the few things I have time for besides work and I won't give up my hobby,that is for sure.It helps that I make a little money at it to keep things going.
 

Apocalypstick

Arachnodemon
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Jan 5, 2005
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741
Are you kidding!!???

GET that beautiful smithi for gawds sake :eek:

By the way, why are you with someone that doesn't like animals when you obviously love them :confused:
 

bagheera

ArachnoTiger
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Jan 21, 2005
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Apocalypstick said:
Are you kidding!!???

GET that beautiful smithi for gawds sake :eek:

By the way, why are you with someone that doesn't like animals when you obviously love them :confused:
You just can't help yourself, can you? ALWAYS urging others to get B. smithii!! {D
 

baboons24

Arachnosquire
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Mar 11, 2005
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52
take all of them, i would, but that's my opinion. my girlfriend said i should slow down at 10. now i'm at 16, and i don't think i'll stop, you have right to keep what you want, as so does he. it 's a hard deal to pass up, 7! almost anyone on here would jump at that in a heartbeat.
 

anderstd

Arachnoknight
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You should just probably do it. I mean it will be better than saying later that you should have taken them.
 

anaconda19

Arachnosquire
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do it just keep the one and sell the rest on, your parents/bf/whoever will understand if ur just keeping them to look after and to sell for a friends, i bet while ur busy selling the rest by the time ur left with just urs and the smithi everyone except you will have forgotten about it and not even realise u kept it. and if they do notice then keep it anyway:)
 

Moltar

ArachnoGod
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I had a girlfriend who felt the same way about keeping animals in cages. No amount of discussion about the preservation of endangered species, the fact that they're healthier and more well fed, captive bred or the fact that most t's spend their entire lives within a foot or two of their burrow anyway (except MM's of course) would affect her opinion at all.

She was a cheating wh0r3 anyway so it's a moot point now...
 

betuana

Arachnobaron
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Jan 21, 2008
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This is a 3 year old thread....heh. I do wonder if he got the smithi though...

Lots of interesting stories, even if the thread is old. Since people are replying again, I figure I'll add my own thoughts on the general situation - since its certainly not a completely uncommon one.

My animals are part of who I am. I always intended to have a bunch of pets (as long as I was capable of giving them excellent care), and I won't let someone take that away. My SO knew that when he met me. He wanted to get to know me because I liked his cat and was not at all afraid of his large boas. That was some of what attracted him to me. I had pet rats, and openly admitted to being interested in more pets when we met. I was looking for jobs working with animals. He entered the relationship with his eyes open, and all that information out in the open. And he has been very supportive, even though sometimes I know he would prefer fewer animals (we have 5 cats, but the last 3 were all HIS choice, not my fault!). But he also knows that having these pets in our family makes me happy, so he's willing to be supportive of it. I never hid any of them from him, because that would just be deceptive. He was VERY uncertain about the idea of getting a T, but knew that I had done the research and could care for it, so since I wanted it and it would make me happy, he was ok with it. He's even learning why they are so fun (we spent 30 minutes watching her spin a feeding mat after grabbing a cricket one night, we both found it mesmorizing!).

If someone really loves you they will try to work with you to compromise at least. You should always take their feelings into account if you love them as well, but often something can be worked out - its important for both to be happy. Communication is key, deception doesn't do anything but break trust. And with something like Ts, which are very low maintenance and highly securable, compromise should be able to be reached in keeping them. Compared to say, a dog, which they would have to interact with if it lived there, and would be more obvious, need more space, need more maintenance, etc, Ts should be doable. But its important to be sensitive and address concerns they may have so that everyone can be happy.

Just my own story and thoughts....my SO is going to have to deal with more Ts, and he knows it (I keep showing him pics of the ones I want to get, LOL), but I'm lucky that he is tolerant and willing to support my hobby as long as I can provide good care to them and keep them secured. He wants me to be happy.
 

dragonblade71

Arachnobaron
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Jul 1, 2007
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Wolfchan: “Then he started being really nasty to my dogs...he never hit them, but he was not nice to them, and I refused to tolerate that.”

I find it very unusual that someone who supposedly respects the freedom of animals (ie against keeping them in cages) would want to be nasty to your dogs. Sounds like this person has a rather strange outlook on life. I don't blame you for breaking up with him
 
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