I have a hard question

[becca81]

I know for myself, often my bugs bring me the only peace i will know in a day. To ask me to abandon them would be tantamount to asking me to abandon my sanity.

My Ts are a stress-reliever for me, but having to go without them wouldn't kill me.

What bothers me about the situation is that NWA seems to have more respect for his spider than he does for his grandmother.

I've been keeping exotics since I was a teenager and my parents tolerated it to a certain extent and I whined and complained when they put their foot down and said "No more." In hindsight, I think I may have ended up being able to keep other exotics if I had been more mature about the way I handled the entire situation...

 

[Jaden]

I agree.

My Ts are a stress-reliever for me, but having to go without them wouldn't kill me.

What bothers me about the situation is that NWA seems to have more respect for his spider than he does for his grandmother.

I've been keeping exotics since I was a teenager and my parents tolerated it to a certain extent and I whined and complained when they put their foot down and said "No more." In hindsight, I think I may have ended up being able to keep other exotics if I had been more mature about the way I handled the entire situation...

That was my whole view on it as well. Grandma is Grandma never disrespect your Grandma no matter what she does. She's earned the right (She also usually knows allot more than grandkids do.) to say "Yes" and "No".

 

[Ann]

Okay, as a parent this whole thread is giving me the creeps at the thought of how my kids may think when they're teenagers, but I think I'm missing something. Unless this is a tiny sling, what happened to weekends? Pet stores are open on weekends, homework doesn't take all of two days and misting can certainly only happen once a week.

By the way, grandparent bashing is seriously not cool.

 

[becca81]

Okay, as a parent this whole thread is giving me the creeps at the thought of how my kids may think when they're teenagers, but I think I'm missing something.

Nope, this is a fairly good look at what teenagers are like. We were all at least a *little* sneaky as teens and I'm sure most don't appreciate their parents/guardians until a bit later in life.

Pet stores are open on weekends, homework doesn't take all of two days and misting can certainly only happen once a week.

It doesn't really need to be misted at all. Even A. avicularia will do fine with a water dish (full and large enough to keep humidity appropriate).

 

[Stylopidae]

Guys, stop knocking on him. He's just frustrated. When you're frustrated, you tend to say things you don't mean.

Right now, I'm in the same predicament as you. I'm moving back into a property my parents own and I'm trying to get them to let me keep exotics (they think assassin bugs will infest the place like roaches)

NWA, have you considered raising your own food? Tenebrio mealworms and B. Dubia roaches (call them beetles ) are among the easiest of feeders to raise and can be clandestinely raised.

You could also order food online.

 

[Cthulhu1254]

You guys really shouldn't be so up in arms about him insulting his grandmother. When you're a teenager, you're allowed to hate your parents from time to time, and since he's living with his grandparents, that applies to them as well. People say things they don't mean when they're angry, and so we shouldn't make any assumptions about their relationship. I'm sure that deep down he loves his grandma dearly (if not, that's okay, but I for one don't need to know that).

As others have said, educate her. Do your best to get her in the same room as your T and show her how gentle it is. Tell her everything you know about T's, and learn more just for the sake of telling her. If all else fails, try to find a better home for your T until you find one yourself.

 

[Mister Internet]

Being angry is one thing... calling his own grandmother a "bitch" is another thing entirely. Unacceptable.

 

[Scolopendra]

the other thing that comes with age is being stubborn and stuck in your ways on every little subject. i would just suggest to gain a little more knowledge on proper care of the Avic and it could easily go up to a week without a glance. Tarantulas dont need to eat every day, nor do they need to be misted every day. Compare some decent caresheets and your fears will be laid to rest. Then eventually you could bring up the subject of keeping it at home when she will stop and listen and back up your half with well laid out facts.
I dont get to see mine until the weekend since college started. all i have is my brother to tell me that everything has water and are still alive.
On the moral vein of this thread: All this moralizing and judgement without any intimate knowledge of the situation is just going to be misinterpreted and so dont even bother. Words mean nothing and people suck.

 

[harrymaculata]

im a teen well in my last year of being one and i can say that respect, common sense etc is few and far between us, i was a bit sneeky bout my t's at first but i made sure i told them bout them my dad brought an albop when i was four and i had her for 14yrs my mum was terrefied of them but caus it was small it grew with the family and she won't admit it but i saw a tear when she tied just from it being there all that time, shes still terrefied of em but shes interested and educated bout them, the only one she can't stand is my 8" c.crawshayai it makes her shiver, she was alright wid a photo of it but then when she saw a threat and herd the hiss she just won't look at it. (im rambling i know ) but what im trying to say is you should have respected her wishes and all the rest off you should grow up and stop slandering him, he made a mistake we all do stupid things sometimes, now he should consider wats right for his grandma, the T and himself, he come here for help and all a % of you do is B**** about useful suggestions is all thats needed, i don't see y your not cautioned for personal attacks caus i have admin on my back all the time

 

[lta3398]

I do agree that that word should not have been used to describe his grandmother. And I also know what it is like to give up my T's for an arachnophobic. I always wanted one, but neither of my parents would allow it. So when i got my own place, I got a couple of Ts. About a year later, my boyfriend and I moved in with his dad to save some money. His dad was attacked by a nest of wolf spiders as a child while out playing, and is ABSOLUTELY terrified of ANY spider. Even little house spiders. He would wake me up in the middle of the night to get rid of one in the house if he saw one. If he saw a dead one, I had to pick it up and take it somewhere AWAY from the house. I couldn't flush it, because he wouldn't use the toilet if I did, and I couldn't put it in the outside garbage, because that was still too close to the house. So I found homes for my 2 Ts when we moved because there was NO WAY they were going with me. After we got our own place again, I resumed the hobby, and he wouldn't come inside my house. You may think this is a little extreme, but he was 7 years old, and covered in spider bites, and never could get rid of that memory or fear! So grandma's wishes need to be respected, and if she is willing to let him prove his responsibility and then work with him, that would be great. But if she won't, i'd find it a good home if he feels he is not spending any time with the T.

 

[odinn7]

I think some of you are missing something very important here:

"I got them because I figured that if I could keep it at my neighbors house it would be just as good as keeping it here."

He bought the spider(s) with the intent of keeping it at his friends house, already aware that he would not be allowed to bring it home. Why would anyone do that? Hmmm, I'm not allowed to have a spider at home so I'll buy one and keep it at my friends house and then complain when I'm still not allowed to bring it home. This doesn't make sense to me at all. Grandma may be a b*tch, I don't know, but he was well aware of the situation and her thoughts on this BEFORE he even bought the spider(s).

 

[N.W.A.]

I wasn't complaining about not being able to take it home, just not being able to feed the poor creature. It had gone a month without eating right after a molt in my care. I was trying for a while to do reports for school and convince her that spiders weren't just bloodthirsty creatures that would escape and kill everyone in the whole damn neighborhood. Now that I have some ideas maybe I can keep it over here, OR convince my grandfather to check it out because he's more interested than she is and he might even hold it himself. In fact, he's on my side. And to those who are bustin my balls about calling her a b***h don't understand the reasoning behind what's in my mind. You'd have to know her on the same level as I do. I'm sure I will regret calling her names in the future, but as of now, I don't. Now, all, can we please stop the fighting? It's starting to get childish.

 

[becca81]

And to those who are bustin my balls about calling her a b***h don't understand the reasoning behind what's in my mind. You'd have to know her on the same level as I do. I'm sure I will regret calling her names in the future, but as of now, I don't. Now, all, can we please stop the fighting? It's starting to get childish.

You know, there are some grandmothers (and mothers) that could be called that name with good reason. Until you're starved, beaten, sexually absused, or without a roof over your head because of something she directly did with malicious or neglectful intent, you have nothing to complain about.

It's a SPIDER. The world will not stop if you have to give it up. Suck it up and plan on re-entering the hobby at some point in the future when you're able to properly care for the spider. If your friend doesn't know much about it or isn't interested in it, it probably isn't receiving the best care at their house (people using sprays, etc. without thinking about the effects it could have on the spider). If you're not able to get over there adequately enough to provide proper care and make sure that it is not being mistreated or overly stressed when you're not around, then you need to find it another home.

 

[N.W.A.]

He doens't use sprays and before he does he always tells me or moves the cage to a safe location. I have figured out that I'm going to take care of it on the weekends.

 

[BGBYTOY]

NWA,,,, I am a Father and a grandfather,, My oldest grandson is just a little younger then you, If I ever heard him call his grandma a bitch I'd kick his A**...

Now she may be what you think, but like all have said it's HER HOUSE.. What she wants in it is her perogative.. And Apparently she's raising you so she can't be real bad> ( Makes me think of a babysitter I had when I was 6, I remember her well and how I ran away from her house one day while she was sitting me ??) ;P
I have a problem with why can't you buy the crickets on recess ?, after school on the way home? Your statement made it sound as if the petstore is just across the road from your buds house?? Why can't he get them for you?

My wife doesn't like my Ts, even though she tolerates them, and watches me feed them, and really likes the A.versicolor, and has given me permission to keep it in the front room in the exxo-terra terrerium I bought for it.. But I sure won't call her a bitch for not liking them, and I won't push them on her.. Just makes it worse..and it doesn't pay to tick off mother nature!!!

What about seeing if the School will give you permission to keep it in one of your classes???? Science, biology, etc. Then you can do what you need or want with her.. if you furnish the funds, maybe a teacher would even pick the crickets up for you??

just sit back and think of options, get the fact that you're ticked at Granny out of your head and let it work productively in overcoming an obstacle....

Just a thought !!!!


Now we're curious as to the outcome !! keep us informed....


Best of luck !!

 

[lta3398]

Don't take offense to anything we are telling you. WE ARE NOT TRYING TO "BUST YOUR BALLS", we are trying to help you and your pet. But calling her a name like that because she doesn't want it in HER house that SHE paid for is a tad bit extreme. Most of us here have been in the hobby a long time and have experience, and when we tell you it would be best to find it another home, it is not to upset you or try to make you give up your pet. It just seems to be the most reasonable solution to your dilemma if you feel you are not providing the T with adequate care. We do not want to fight with you. You asked for our help and opinions, so we are giving them to you. But do not jump on us for providing them, either. But like any animal, you should not have purchased it under the condtions you did, that is not fair to the spider. It deserves someone who can devote the proper time to it's care if you cannot. Like Becca said, it is a spider, and the world will not come to a crashing stop if you give it up. And also, like BG said, maybe a science class would let you keep it there......it's not such a bad idea, if it works....good luck, I hope you find a solution that has a happy ending.

 

[Stylopidae]

Update...

I Pm'd him and offered to give him some mealworms to raise as T food for his Avic. I'm going to send him a starter culture in the mail when I get a chance. Eventualy, he'll be able to feed it at his convience and will make it so he never has to spend money on food for his T, another selling point as far as his grandma is concerned.

 

[lta3398]

Evil, that was cool of you. Although most of us know, Ts are not too expensive to feed (mine cost less in a year than my other animals in a month!) hid grandmother probably doesn't know this. She has no reason to understand they are a very inexpensive pet to care for once they have been initially setup I hope that this will help resolve some of the issues with this situation!

 

[becca81]

Evil, that was cool of you. Although most of us know, Ts are not too expensive to feed (mine cost less in a year than my other animals in a month!) hid grandmother probably doesn't know this. She has no reason to understand they are a very inexpensive pet to care for once they have been initially setup I hope that this will help resolve some of the issues with this situation!

I don't think the expense was the issue:

My spider lives with my neighbor since my grandparents are terrified of it (actually only grandmother is).

I agree that it is a nice gesture, but unless Evil can make the spider look like a cute bunny rabbit, I doubt it's going to get him very far in terms of keeping it with him.

 

[lta3398]

Right you are, Becca, I do agree with you. I still don't think that his grandmother is going to let our fuzzy friend in the house, but maybe it will relieve some of his stress over the feeding if he is not going to get rid of it.....I didn't mean that I thought it would solve all the problems or anything....just a gesture toward helping that's all.