I have a hard question

[N.W.A.]

I live with my grandparents. My spider lives with my neighbor since my grandparents are terrified of it (actually only grandmother is). I have homework after school sometimes. On these days, I can't do anything until it's done. In other words my day is shot. Usually, by the time I'm done, the pet shop where I get my crickets from is closed. My friend's girlfriend is also usually over at his house, so I can't go mist my spider. My grandmother seems to not care about my T. What the hell can I do? Please someone answer so I can rest easier knowing that I tried to help my spider stay alive. First he wouldn't eat. He continued that and I never was able to feed him. Now, this. I am almost utterly speechless at the atrocious acts my grandmother is forcing upon my beloved spider. AND SHE DOESN'T EVEN CARE. What a b***h. Any hep would be appreciated. Please help Luke out.

 

[lta3398]

Can you instruct your friend on how to care for the T? Would he do that for you? I am sorry for the situation you are in, but please remember this: most people are terrified of tarantulas, and have no use for them. I am not saying everyone is like that, but in my experience, they are the majority. Why did you get a T if you couldn't keep it in your own house? Or did you have it before you lived with your grandparents? In that case, I understand you getting one. But if you got it while living with them, then you should have known her fear. If your friend cannot help you care for the T, you might be better off finding it a good home and waiting until you have your own place before resuming the hobby. Otherwise, you may lose your T to neglect, and that is not fair to either the T or yourself!

 

[becca81]

Why did you get a tarantula if you knew you wouldn't be able to care for it properly (i.e. your grandmother is scared of spiders and won't allow them in the house)?

Also, your T doesn't need to be fed every day (once per week will suffice) and never needs to be misted. I'm assuming that it is most likely a full-grown tarantula, which means that all it needs is an open water dish.

I agree with lta - you're probably best finding it another home and waiting until you have your own home or move to a place where you can keep one with you before getting another.

BTW - I'm not sure I understand why you're upset with your grandmother. It's her house. Even if her fear is irrational, it's still her house and her right to say "No tarantulas."

 

[Cookie-Monster]

Now, this. I am almost utterly speechless at the atrocious acts my grandmother is forcing upon my beloved spider. AND SHE DOESN'T EVEN CARE. What a b***h. Any hep would be appreciated. Please help Luke out.

If she has a true phobia of spiders then its quite a serious thing, perhaps a thought should be spared for her after all you are living in their house?

 

[N.W.A.]

Can you instruct your friend on how to care for the T? Would he do that for you? I am sorry for the situation you are in, but please remember this: most people are terrified of tarantulas, and have no use for them. I am not saying everyone is like that, but in my experience, they are the majority. Why did you get a T if you couldn't keep it in your own house? Or did you have it before you lived with your grandparents? In that case, I understand you getting one. But if you got it while living with them, then you should have known her fear. If your friend cannot help you care for the T, you might be better off finding it a good home and waiting until you have your own place before resuming the hobby. Otherwise, you may lose your T to neglect, and that is not fair to either the T or yourself!

I don't think he likes T's very much but he still allows me to keep them there. Also, to the other question, my friend is my neighbor. All I have to do is walk like 2 and a half blocks to get food and just across the street to deliver it. I think that she is just paranoid and expects me to get bitten. My T, while nervous, is not a known biting species(avic avic) and has come off as being very docile and it almost enjoys being handled. I got them because I figured that if I could keep it at my neighbors house it would be just as good as keeping it here. I am going to force my grandmother into a deal that allows me to take 30 minutes out of my day before homework to do anything I please. This will thus solve the problem and I will be done with her bull<edit>.

 

[David_F]

You have much to learn, young padawan. One thing I learned at your age was it's more to your benefit to get your parents/grandparents to see things your way by making them think it's in their interest to do so. Work your butt off for a while doing things the way your grandmother wants them done, slowly let her know how much the T means to you and how interesting they really are, and eventually talk her into giving you one day a week to go buy food. Get your homework done early enough and you have time to spend with your spider every evening. Talking trash, even where she won't see/hear it won't do a bit of good. Your attitude will show. Good luck.

 

[Rounder]

hell tell her it's for science class or something and you have to observe it, etc.

of course I agree with the other people asking you why did you get it if you knew about this situation, but evidently you're a teenager and that question answers itself.

so, is it possible to run over to his house in the morning to mist it? I mean, how long can misting it possibly take? And, you probably don't need to mist it more than once a week anyway. As for feeding, could you not pick up a few crix and feed it in the morning as well?

or offer this to your grandma, find a way to show her you are responsible about getting your work done and maybe she would let you run and get crix after school, etc.

Also, your T will be just fine with 2-3 crix a week.

Obviously your grandma expects you to meet your responsibilities first, then do fun things later, show her you're doing that and then maybe she'll loosen up.

Maybe she'd let you have the T in your house in return for good grades?

 

[Becca]

I'm afraid that I am completely with your Grandma on this one, it is her house and if she is arachnophobic it is her decision to say she does not want them in the house. At 17, I am also living at home so I know exactly what it is like, however I did not resort to dumping my tarantulas on my friends. I think that is rather unfair on the friend in question, even if he doesn't mind.
When it came to convincing my parents to allow me to keep trantulas I gently persuaded them that they are interesting and beautiful creatures. I educated them to a point where they were sure that they wouldn't get out and go on a killing spree in the night or anything.
Now what really threw my parents was when we visited a farm that had an exotic animal section, they allowed myself and my mum to hold a G.rosea that they had, this assured my mum that the tarantulas are infact harmless. I would try to talk to your Grandma, don't get frustrated with her, don't yell at her.
You can't have things your way until you are living under your own roof... not someone elses.

 

[Cookie-Monster]

One of the most important things with any pet is to check that everyone else that lives there is cool with it, especially something as exotic and prone to phobias as a Tarantula,

before i got my spiderlings, I checked with my flatmate that he was cool with it, as much as i wanted to get into the hobby if he'd said no then i'd have had to let it slide.

you go on about it being unfair on you and on the T, but keeping it in the house would be unfair on the people who are against it.

The issue isnt how docile your T is or isnt, but more how your Grandmother percieves it, and people at that age are unlikely to change their views, so i think you are stuck with it not being in the house.

 

[WhyTeDraGon]

I dont wanna sound mean, but dont EVER talk of your grandparents that way. One day when they are gone you'll wish you respected them more for what they've done for you.
About the spider, what are the conditions its in? Doesnt sound to me like it's getting inadequate care. Just feed it once a week like becca says, fill the water bowl, and it should be fine.

 

[NYCspiderGuy]

I know that we are part of your world outside decisions made by your Grandma, so Double-Harsh that we are all lecturing you!!
I agree with the more patient scolders - in that you live in her house and silly as it seems now, you will like it when it is YOUR place and there are things that you do not want there... last word is YOURS then!

Other important point is that attitude DOES show and count.(My mom cannot stand sister's guy and condescending attitude pisses off my sister. Mom cannot understand, saying she does not complain TO my sister... My answer is, "How dumb do you think she is?" ... think no-one knows?)
Since I have my own place, parents hate that I keep T's but chuckle it off.

I am 40 and still FACTS presented to family members which contradict their theories are rejected as the stuff of X-Files plots. You will never win or change this.


Remember "Dune"? ...."I will bend like a reed in the wind..."

Let's just try to make your life easier, and improve care of the Avic. Charming spider, deserves to be well cared for...right?
Do your part, try to educate, and get your homework done early!

(Might find a local spider-keeper who will adopt and return T when you can keep it? You are ahead of the "curve" with this interest... at least guaranteed to be interesting!)

 

[cacoseraph]

i think it is really cool that everyone got to know the facts and NWA before jumping all over his tentacles about asking a question.

real cool.

I know for myself, often my bugs bring me the only peace i will know in a day. To ask me to abandon them would be tantamount to asking me to abandon my sanity.

but i'm sure it is just a spider to NWA and bears absolutely NO emotional significance for him, whatsoever!

congrats all for your concern

 

[Midnightcowboy]

I'm 17 and I got into the hobby when I made a documentary about arachnophobia for a college project in April. I took my crew down to an entomological show to get interviews with people who keep tarantulas. Now the reason for me actually making this documentary in the first place was a life long fascination with spiders. I used to be terrified of the Tegenaria house spiders that we have here, but that didn't stop me from keeping a big one in a kritter keeper in my bedroom for 9 months! I'd always wanted a tarantula, but it wasn't even open for debate with my mom.

We had to get my dad to drive us to the show. My mom knew that I had always wanted a T, and a couple of weeks before I made the documentary I had asked her again if I could keep one. The response was, as always, "I'M NOT HAVING SOMETHING LIKE THAT IN MY HOUSE. END OF DISCUSSION!" That day before we left for the show she reiterated that I was NOT to bring anything home, just to go there and get the interviews. My dad was also under instruction to make sure I didn't buy anything.

Of course when we got there I wanted to buy something, and there was a stall selling large female emperor scorps. Straight away it was "Dad can I get one of these?" I got the usual response, but I was ready for it. I'd read book after book about T's and scorps when I was little in the hope that one day I'd get one. Pretending not to know much about them, I asked the seller "Are these aggressive? Can they climb glass?" The seller told us no, and my dad watched as the seller picked an emperor up, and started touching the claws to prove his point. I gave my dad a smug little "I was right!" look, and in the end my dad said I could have it. My mom wasn't pleased when we got in and threatened to kill it with cleaning fluid in the tank. I said "If you do you will wake up with two more in your bed" Harsh I know but it worked in the long run! After a demo where I handled the scorpion, she started to see that they weren't a risk after all. From there I've bought a G. Rosea, L. Parahybana, E. Pachypus, H. Arizonensis and Gorgyrella. sp trapdoor spider. She still doesn't like them, but is tolerant of them. She even tells me what she sees them doing when she goes in my room when I'm out.

My tips for converting your grandma:

- First of all explain to her that your spider poses no health risks. It's not aggressive, and doesn't have a dangerous bite.

- If you can get her in the same room as it without her freaking out, show it to her in the tank and tell her some things about it, how it lives etc.

- Get grandpa on your side: Show your grandpa that it's not dangerous. You can say its not dangerous all you like, but until people see for themselves they are not very inclined to believe you. So maybe handle your spider in front of him. He will most likely do what my dad did, and tell your grandma all about the spider and how docile it was. Hearing it from someone else who she trusts may help to win her over.

- Demonstrate the security of your enclosure. Tell them it can't escape (At this point you may want to make sure of this yourself )

- Tell them the various things that make spiders better than other household pets like dogs. Spiders don't smell, they don't make a mess, they don't require much space, attention or looking after to the same degree that a dog does and when was the last time you heard of a spider mauling a baby? Most of these points can be used to make spiders sound better than cats, rabbits, or any other pet of your choice.

- If by now you still havent won them over, start with the "It's a rewarding and educational hobby" routine. At this point you may want to tell them of your plans to become an exotic animal wrangler or proffessional arachnologist when you grow up, and that this experience will be valuable for you in the long term.

Hope this helps, and keep us posted on how you get on!

 

[defour]

i think it is really cool that everyone got to know the facts and NWA before jumping all over his tentacles about asking a question.

Nobody jumped on him for asking a question, only for being a selfish ingrate.

To ask me to abandon them would be tantamount to asking me to abandon my sanity.

Really? If this is actually the case, then you've got some issues to work on. I like my tarantulas. I'd even say I love them, whatever that means, but my life would go on without them. I've had to get rid of particular snakes and T's in the past that I'd been very attached to. I didn't think I could do it, but you know what? I didn't slit my wrists.

but i'm sure it is just a spider to NWA and bears absolutely NO emotional significance for him, whatsoever!

I think you just acheived sargasm! If it had such overwhelming importance to him he would figure out a way to make it work. Pet shop not open? Breed roaches. Evil granny wants him to do a bit of homework? Do a bit of homework. She ought to show him how much the food bill is. I was immature and whiny as a kid, too, but I gave in to the No Tarantulas rule until the rule went away, and it didn't kill me. Someone ought to make N.W.A. a t-shirt that reads This is what happens when you worship youth.

Steve

 

[cacoseraph]

Nobody jumped on him for asking a question, only for being a selfish ingrate.


Really? If this is actually the case, then you've got some issues to work on. I like my tarantulas. I'd even say I love them, whatever that means, but my life would go on without them. I've had to get rid of particular snakes and T's in the past that I'd been very attached to. I didn't think I could do it, but you know what? I didn't slit my wrists.


I think you just acheived sargasm! If it had such overwhelming importance to him he would figure out a way to make it work. Pet shop not open? Breed roaches. Evil granny wants him to do a bit of homework? Do a bit of homework. She ought to show him how much the food bill is. I was immature and whiny as a kid, too, but I gave in to the No Tarantulas rule until the rule went away, and it didn't kill me. Someone ought to make N.W.A. a t-shirt that reads This is what happens when you worship youth.

Steve

hmm.. he lives with his grandma... his homelife is obviously beaver cleaver

once again, congrats you paragons of compassion

 

[WhyTeDraGon]

I never called him selfish or an ingrate...just to clear that up

 

[Jaden]

Shame on you.

What in the hell. You called your grandmother a B***h. Man you need your mouth washed out and slapped allot. That's your grandmother show some respect. As several others have stated it's her home. No means no. Then here you go and buy a tarantula behind her back (Yes it's staying at a friends but it was still behind her back.) that's a good way to show your grown up. I don't think you need the tarantula myself or at least until you grow up some.

 

[defour]

hmm.. he lives with his grandma... his homelife is obviously beaver cleaver

Is it? I guess I hadn't read his post closely enough to determine that. Good catch. Very unusual, since living with ones grandparents is typically a recipe for a living hell, right?

once again, congrats you paragons of compassion

Congrats yourself, on your stunningly short sarcasmorefractory period.

@WhyTeDraGon - Semantics, semantics...

Steve

 

[WhyTeDraGon]

@WhyTeDraGon - Semantics, semantics...

Nope, I may have come off as saying he was being disrespectful, but nowhere did I mention selfesh.

 

[xelda]

Sorry to hear about you blondi man. I'd feel the same way if my avic died. It won't eat so it could. I'm going to try to feed iot today no matter what though.

Hey, I just wanted to comment on this so no one misses it. Maybe the reason why your Avic isn't eating is because it's preparing for a molt. In that case, DON'T try to feed it.