which would you get rid of? your gf or your ts.. that is the question.

[melijoc]

If one day your gf asks you to move in together but tells you that your t collection has to go cuz she absolutely hates them. What do you do? Do you A get rid of your t collection or B tell her absolutely not, cuz you love your ts too much. Sad to say but some of our fellow t lovers out there faces this same situation and is stuck into making a tough decision. your ts or the gf?

 

[grayzone]

ts would lose that battle hands down.. my gf is my world. i was lucky to find a woman that can actually put up with me (for the most part) for the past 9 almost 10 yrs and loves me unconditionally.. ts just fill up book shelves and look pretty. lucky for me, she would never ask me to do so, and she actually wants to help me unpack my diversipes and versi tomorrow. she even held my pulchripes sling (broke out in hives and didnt even complain) and wants to go to expos with me.. she isnt that fond of em, but knows this addiction is harmless. instead of booze, gambling, strip clubs and such i spend a lil money here and there on bugs. she thinks its silly, but knows i USED to be capable of way worse. our 7yr old daughter even is taking a shine to em

 

[Thistles]

My first criterion for a significant other is a love for animals. My last bf didn't LOVE Ts, but he tolerated them. If he had said no Ts, I would have gotten more dart frogs or scorps or something. No biggy for me, but I'm not a tarantula person. I'm an animal person who happens to really like Ts too. If your friend is a serious tarantula lover and not just a general animal lover, I'd say he should probably not be with the girl he's with. Before starting a new relationship people should make sure they're really compatible in the long run and not just look at a pretty face. The choice isn't between the few animals he has at the moment, but potentially between a life with no tarantulas and life without this particular girl. If no tarantulas is a big loss for him and not something he'd be able to deal with long-term, then the choice should be pretty clear.

 

[Amoeba]

It's not very nice to make someone choose like that but people do it all the time. Personally I would dump the spiders because:

A) My collection is worth little to nothing
B) There are other hobbies in the world
C) Women (in my case) are way better than spiders
D) My girlfriend likes my spiders and has some of her own.

Compromise is the best option.

 

[SgtSparkles]

had t's first, girlfriend that didn't like em went. one that does came. she gets her own brachy on the next order. problem solved. If she loves you she wont want to change you

 

[Prometheus]

You gotta be yourself. A person has to except you the way you are and the way you will be, that is the point in a relationship. This isn't really a choice of your T's or your Gf, it's a choice of her accepting who you are. My wife doesn't really like my spiders all that much but she understands that they make me happy so she is cool with that, same as I am with her shoes. I don't understand why you need a pair of shoes or boots for every other pair of pants but it makes her happy. We all have our thing, she should understand that and be mature about this realization and stay or go. Really it's her who should be deciding if she goes or stays with you. Hope this makes sense to you... or her I should say

 

[Grin]

Arachnids are really not appealing to most people, but if a person is accepting to whatever it is you like to do or have then they are worth my time.
In a way, Telling people about my T's is a great test on how judgmental someone can be as well. (personal opinion)

I'm glad I found me a nice man. He actually likes my T's, shows an interest in them & goes to reptile expos with me.
He's accepting of my hobby and I am accepting of his.

Your hobby is an interest which is apart of your personality.
So I guess I wouldn't find myself in the first place being with someone who can't accept me & everything I come with

If I ever in the past had a BF tell me I had to lose the T's, I probably would of showed him out the front door.
I'd rather be the old lady with 100's of spiders instead of having someone control what I do & like.

 

[8leggedloverlassie]

id get rid of my girlfriend cos
1: i ADORE my ts
2: being gay wouldnt suit me.:biggrin:
so th question is would i give up my boyfriend, dont hav one yet but if i did and he gave me that choice,id say "NICE KNOWIN YA,LOSER!" im not changin my interests and hobbies for a BOY!:biggrin:
and its mor than likely he'd want them gone cos hes afraid of them, WELL THEN WHAT A SISSY!! how am i supposed to feel safe and secure with a guy who is afraid of basically harmless spiders?!?! :coffee: i want a guy who likes or doesnt mind:all sorts of reptiles, most arachnids (i dont mind if hes a bit uneasy with the deadly ones), most creepy crawlies etc. is that TOO MUCH TO ASK?!?!?!?!?! lol

 

[moghue]

im lucky my wife puts up with my ever growing collection of T's. I do want a big snake but she doesnt really care for them and since she puts up with all my other hobbies i respect that so i do not get one.

 

[Hobo]

Anyone who makes you choose like that aint worth the time.
I am good at weasling into and out of things though, so I'm pretty sure I could find a way to have my cake and eat it too.

 

[awolfe]

I think if someone truly loves you the will accept the way you are completely.

 

[Louis Winthorpe III]

Well, I'd have to get rid of the Ts. My wife is pretty accepting of my hobbies, and I'm grateful she's allowed them in the house in the first place. I know plenty of people whose wives would have squashed them. My wife did limit me to two, but we are in negotiations for 2 more.

 

[cmcghee358]

When I got the "bug" for tarantulas last summer, I initially did a lot of research. Once I found the species I wanted(G. rosea) I then approached my wife. She flatly told me no. So I pestered her for about a week. Even went so far as to say "I've read a tarantula can kill a black widow, we can let him loose in the garage!" At that point she agreed. I then had to explain to her I would never let loose a tarantula in the garage. After about 3 more days she told me it was ok to get one. I took my 2 daughters to the local pet store and picked out Betsy my Grammastola rosea.

Then Christmas came. I know my wife always buys me terrible presents. So I preempted my own gift with 2 LP slings and a N. coloratovillosus sling. I kinda kept those hidden from her for about a day. Then I dreamt she was throwing away my tupperware and I jumped up and told her not to touch them(she didn't even know I had taken any tupperware into the office). She didn't seem to mind that I had bought 3 new Ts.

Then 3 weeks later I bought an A. metallica from BrettG(great transaction btw) and she rode along with me. On the way back she was holding his little cup just watching him. At which time she declared "He's cute and fuzzy! I want a purple one!" When we got home I had set up some containers from Michaels for the new kids and she helped me the entire time. Then she demanded I label each one with their scientific name so she could learn what they were.

3 weeks later we went back to BrettG(awesome again!) and got her an A. purpurea. Now we're planning on going to the Ken the Bug Guy grand opening on the 21st of April, and the Convention in Tuscon in the summer.

I think a good partner will be opened minded and trusting enough to learn to appreciate the other's joy. In my case, not only did she allow me to enjoy it, she found out she had a passion for it as well.

If my wife didn't want me to ever get Ts, I'd personally explore the logic she had of why not. And counter with enough of a reason to justify the hobby.

 

[1hughjazzspider]

I think if she really loves she should accept your hobby for what it is. But if I was ever put in that predicament then it would depend on how I felt about the girl. If I didn't see a future with her, I probably wouldn't budge and keep the T's. If I cared enough about her to be willing to make a compromise, I'd probably whine until I got her to let me keep at least a select few. Of course I'd throw something in there like "I'm only agreeing to this if you let me get the kind of dog I want." Or something of that sort.

 

[Storm76]

My GF wasn't really fond of T's before, but since I've been pretty much talking A LOT about T's, showing her pictures and whatnot, at some point she started looking stuff up herself. Then, when I got my first T's and talked about them, showed pictures and so on it only took her like a month before she ordered herself some T's. Now we're both in the hobby and I couldn't be happier about it - as it is - it's something you can do TOGETHER and it does give you stuff to talk about for ages pretty much. I consider them pets, but it's also a hobby we're both into, so I haven't gotten into that weird situation.

However, compromise would be the best option I'd say. Probably take her along to an expo or some other hobbyists so she can see live and learns some about them maybe - then give some time and maybe she'll come around. I don't really know what else the person you're talking about could do...if nothing works, it's a kinda tough choice although one that my GF would clearly win if it'd come to that ever.

 

[captmarga]

You can't ask nor expect people to change. Try for a compromise - a room all her own for her art, clothes, shoe collection, whatever, if you can have your own T room. You don't go in her playroom, and she doesn't go in yours. Either way, there is almost always harbored resentment, and that leads to rifts.

My late husband did not like the Ts, but he always told me, "Dear, if you want a T, fine. If it ever gets out, it will meet the bottom of my size 12 shoe. Period." I had only a couple of Ts off and on whilst we were married, and they were never handled near him.

If I ever find anyone again, he must understand I love all my animals (as did my late husband) and I am not giving up anything unless *I* want to. I've had to give up things and later resented it (two jobs on the same day, two events, this trip or that trip) and it's not easy to deal with.

Work TOGETHER, it's easier.

Marga

 

[Anonymity82]

If my GF (hypothetically, I'm engaged and she already lets me have Ts ) told me I couldn't have tarantulas I would dump her. Not because I'm choosing tarantulas over her. It would be because she's keeping me from something that makes me happy. Unless we couldn't afford it or I spent too much time with them and not her etc... than maybe I would reconsider. But if it was just because she didn't like them I would have to let her go. If she doesn't let me have these, what else will she eventually try to control and not let me have?

---------- Post added 03-23-2012 at 02:31 PM ----------

You can't ask nor expect people to change. Try for a compromise - a room all her own for her art, clothes, shoe collection, whatever, if you can have your own T room. You don't go in her playroom, and she doesn't go in yours. Either way, there is almost always harbored resentment, and that leads to rifts.

My late husband did not like the Ts, but he always told me, "Dear, if you want a T, fine. If it ever gets out, it will meet the bottom of my size 12 shoe. Period." I had only a couple of Ts off and on whilst we were married, and they were never handled near him.

If I ever find anyone again, he must understand I love all my animals (as did my late husband) and I am not giving up anything unless *I* want to. I've had to give up things and later resented it (two jobs on the same day, two events, this trip or that trip) and it's not easy to deal with.

Work TOGETHER, it's easier.

Marga

I told my fiance she could decorate the rest of our home (with consent of course) if I could have a room for tarantulas and bat skeletons plus other awesome things like that.

 

[zonbonzovi]

Ask this of people in relationships and those who are not. Every time you will get very different answers. Each relationship will have very different levels of commitment/compromise/expectations. It really comes down to what is important to you and how much you have invested in your significant other. However, if it is early in a relationship, i.e. dating, and that person is already formulating the details of how you live your life consider it a big, red flag. I started this hobby after I was already married and will readily admit that it has caused trouble on occasion but it has taught the both of us how to better compromise.

Shoes vs. inverts = bargaining power!

 

[Slevin]

I'm terrible at relationships and single far more often than not so it wouldn't be too hard for me to pick the hobby first anyway.

 

[ZergFront]

BF, not GF here but he better not make me choose because he'll lose. Nobody is going to tell me how to live my life.