- Joined
- Aug 8, 2005
- Messages
- 11,482
New little restaurant near here. They serve up massive bowls of noodles and fried dishes in a really attractive, even enticing garden setting.
The garden is a an obvious labor of love. Fruit trees covering everything and beneath, whatever plants that can grow in the shade. Ferns battle it out with orchids in the chaos and the paths through the jungle can be pretty hard to find. Vines and creepers are the winners here, not having to compete for floor space.
So we're sitting there enamored of the garden when the neighbors monkey comes calling. The dad of the restaurant immediately answers a call to arms. He grabs a 10 foot long pole and prepares to do battle. The first thought that entered my mind was 'that just isn't going to happen'. You're a reasonably functional biped wielding a very unwieldy weapon of questionable function and effect in an attempt to control and confine a small furry chunk of arboreal greased lightning. Couple to that all the trees are 20 foot or taller. IE, you're only going to demonstrate just how inept humans are when out of their element.
The Dad excitement becomes obvious. There is a magnificent dragonfruit vine climbing high into one of the trees and one branch is hanging down sporting the largest dragonfruit I have ever seen. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pitaya. Ignoring the mangos, papayas, and a world class salad of greens, the monkey makes a beeline for that massive morsel. Natch. The man stands guard with his pole. I tell my other to get pictures. This is going to be good. Of course she replies 'I forgot...' Natch again.
For those of you who haven't witnessed them first hand, monkeys are the grand masters of acting non-chalant and innocent, even if caught dead to rights with both hands in the cookie jar. 'Who? Me??' They are also a few other things; adept, adroit, low down sneaky underhanded, and miles of cherubic innocence as one once deftly holding a cat up by it's tail while giving me a 'Cat? What Cat?' look.
They are also smart. Smart as in, 'Your arms are going to get tired human. So very tired. You are getting weak. They will start to shake and quiver. You will lose my young Jedi. That fruit is MINE!' It bides it's time moving about among the branches human + his arms + pole + 2 inches high. Now and then doing a feint, going up and grabbing a mango, peeling and chewing a bit then 'accidentally' dropping it at Dad's feet: Ooops. A nibble of some leaves, another mango which it decides isn't just right and rolls down the garden patio roof.
(I pause my narrative to call out the first of many iterations of the morning: The computer room is up to it's eyeballs in baby sparassids! PLease do NOT let the cats in here. Waste of time. She's not awake. How she can navigate from bed to bathroom, do business, and get back in bed without opening her eyes is one of those impossible imponderables. Get off my foot you little spork! That tickles. Where was I?)
Ah yes. The pole and the man's resolve begins to waver. A customer enters the restaurant. Defeated he has to down the pole. His back is turned for about 1 1/0th of a second before the monkey slithers down the vine to sit on top of the fruit and begin it's undressing. Then, upside down it peels with one hand, digs out gobs of fruit with the other and chomps away all at the same time. It's cheeks begin to bulge like balloons. Using it's 6th, 7th and 8th senses dad returns to see the monkey is still up on that limb looking as innocent as a new born babe and the fruit is partially disemboweled.
The rest of the tale was anticlimactic. The inevitable as more and more of the fruit goes missing until the Dad gives up in disgust. Only a few moments later the monkey decided it really wanted mango after all and leaves the maimed dragonfruit half eaten, dangling for all and Dad to see as it sauntered off through the tree tops. It amuses itself rolling the ripest mangos down that roof for a while before going down to the carport to see what of Dad's wife's sewing business would be more interesting if moved onto the roof. Mom, far smarter than Dad, brandishes a slingshot and the monkey instantly takes the hint. As the crowning insult it makes it's way across to the restaurant roof, on down to the ground and puts on a cute act for the other customers who are all doting drools over the little darling while Dad fumes.
The garden is a an obvious labor of love. Fruit trees covering everything and beneath, whatever plants that can grow in the shade. Ferns battle it out with orchids in the chaos and the paths through the jungle can be pretty hard to find. Vines and creepers are the winners here, not having to compete for floor space.
So we're sitting there enamored of the garden when the neighbors monkey comes calling. The dad of the restaurant immediately answers a call to arms. He grabs a 10 foot long pole and prepares to do battle. The first thought that entered my mind was 'that just isn't going to happen'. You're a reasonably functional biped wielding a very unwieldy weapon of questionable function and effect in an attempt to control and confine a small furry chunk of arboreal greased lightning. Couple to that all the trees are 20 foot or taller. IE, you're only going to demonstrate just how inept humans are when out of their element.
The Dad excitement becomes obvious. There is a magnificent dragonfruit vine climbing high into one of the trees and one branch is hanging down sporting the largest dragonfruit I have ever seen. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pitaya. Ignoring the mangos, papayas, and a world class salad of greens, the monkey makes a beeline for that massive morsel. Natch. The man stands guard with his pole. I tell my other to get pictures. This is going to be good. Of course she replies 'I forgot...' Natch again.
For those of you who haven't witnessed them first hand, monkeys are the grand masters of acting non-chalant and innocent, even if caught dead to rights with both hands in the cookie jar. 'Who? Me??' They are also a few other things; adept, adroit, low down sneaky underhanded, and miles of cherubic innocence as one once deftly holding a cat up by it's tail while giving me a 'Cat? What Cat?' look.
They are also smart. Smart as in, 'Your arms are going to get tired human. So very tired. You are getting weak. They will start to shake and quiver. You will lose my young Jedi. That fruit is MINE!' It bides it's time moving about among the branches human + his arms + pole + 2 inches high. Now and then doing a feint, going up and grabbing a mango, peeling and chewing a bit then 'accidentally' dropping it at Dad's feet: Ooops. A nibble of some leaves, another mango which it decides isn't just right and rolls down the garden patio roof.
(I pause my narrative to call out the first of many iterations of the morning: The computer room is up to it's eyeballs in baby sparassids! PLease do NOT let the cats in here. Waste of time. She's not awake. How she can navigate from bed to bathroom, do business, and get back in bed without opening her eyes is one of those impossible imponderables. Get off my foot you little spork! That tickles. Where was I?)
Ah yes. The pole and the man's resolve begins to waver. A customer enters the restaurant. Defeated he has to down the pole. His back is turned for about 1 1/0th of a second before the monkey slithers down the vine to sit on top of the fruit and begin it's undressing. Then, upside down it peels with one hand, digs out gobs of fruit with the other and chomps away all at the same time. It's cheeks begin to bulge like balloons. Using it's 6th, 7th and 8th senses dad returns to see the monkey is still up on that limb looking as innocent as a new born babe and the fruit is partially disemboweled.
The rest of the tale was anticlimactic. The inevitable as more and more of the fruit goes missing until the Dad gives up in disgust. Only a few moments later the monkey decided it really wanted mango after all and leaves the maimed dragonfruit half eaten, dangling for all and Dad to see as it sauntered off through the tree tops. It amuses itself rolling the ripest mangos down that roof for a while before going down to the carport to see what of Dad's wife's sewing business would be more interesting if moved onto the roof. Mom, far smarter than Dad, brandishes a slingshot and the monkey instantly takes the hint. As the crowning insult it makes it's way across to the restaurant roof, on down to the ground and puts on a cute act for the other customers who are all doting drools over the little darling while Dad fumes.
Last edited:
.