How do you convince your parents?

[Pesojh]

Guys I have been looking into buying a T for quite some time. I have done a lot of research and looked at many posts on here (I think it's been almost 1 year of research)

Now the problem that I have is that my parents don't want any spiders in the house! I have told them many time T's are easy to take care for and they wouldn't have to even look at it because it would be in my room. But they still don't want me to have one. I was thinking at maybe take them to a breeder near me so he could explain everything to them, because as soon as I start talking about T's, they don't listen to me and immediately say no.

What do I do??? I want my T

PS: I'm a student, I'll live with my parents for at least 2 more years until I finish school, I can't wait 2 more years to get a T that's for sure

 

[nicodimus22]

Unless you pay rent, you should respect the fact that it's their house and they don't want tarantulas in it. Alternatively, get a job, move out, and do what you want at your place.

 

[Pesojh]

I do respect it, but maybe some people went through my situation and found a way to get one with their parents after X time.. Also I do have a job, that's not a problem.

 

[Anoplogaster]

Well, unfortunately, there isn't a ton you can do. I always try to convince people to not fear certain animals. But many are set in their ways. Having them talk with a breeder will be absolutely useless. And furthermore, it adds a ton of stress to you, as most people can be quite rude when they are firmly against something.

This is the beauty of having your own place. Since that isn't an option for you, then neither is having a T. You know your folks better than anyone else on this site. So no one here is really qualified to give you advice on how to talk to your parents.

 

[D Sherlod]

As a parent, I can say it's prey tough to change a mind if their set against it. The more you push the more they will push back.
if you can bring it up as a discussion from time to time. When I say discussion ,I don't mean " I want a T, why can't I have one".
leave books around about them. Leave Web pages open so they see your interest. Set your background to a nice picture of one etc.

Hints not arguments may help, it's a long slow road....

 

[Moakmeister]

It took me over a decade to convince my parents to allow me to get one. Just keep at it.

 

[sasker]

Not exactly the same situation, but it took some effort to convince my wife that it is a good idea to keep spiders. I do have a job and I do pay rent (duh!) but I wanted my wife to be alright with my interests in tarantulas as well. What could help in your case is to - a sort of - give up on the idea of getting a tarantula. You will look at other people's tarantulas on Youtube instead. A 'look mom, this is really interesting' while you are watching something online could have more effect when your parents have led their guards down because you keeping tarantulas in your room is no longer a threat. They may start to appreciate the animals for what they are.

This would only work if your parents are inclined to be interested in nature in general. This approach will not be so effective if they already have a 'the only good spider is a dead spider - mindset' .

Luckily my wife's main fear was that I would turn our apartment into a spider paradise with tarantulas everywhere. The number of tarantulas I keep is increasing slowly but surely because she is becoming more interested as well.

 

[Rittdk01]

You know how easy it would be to hide a tarantula tank? Very lol. When I was 16 I hid a lot worse from my parents.

 

[Moakmeister]

You know how easy it would be to hide a tarantula tank? Very lol. When I was 16 I hid a lot worse from my parents.

Okay, no... don't do that.

 

[Moakmeister]

One thing I would recommend is that you make a deal with your parents of some sort, be it good grades in school or something else.

 

[PidderPeets]

Whenever I've tried to explain to someone why I like tarantulas, I usually show them some of the prettier species. P. metallica, C. versicolor (slings and adults), N. chromatus, C. lividum, P. sazimai, just to name a few. It doesn't work every time, but it often at least gets people more open to listening

 

[TRection]

If your parents dont know much about T's you can always make them sound even more docile and easy than they already are. My mom has legitimate arachnophobia but i still managed to get my T (with an added benefit of my mom no longer coming into my room all the time) Mind you my dad was fine with it and im 22, but my mom NEEDED to know it would be safe and couldn't ever get out and "eat her", i just "embellished" a little bit to calm her down. By saying things like "they cant climb so it will never escape" "they are very chill and never bite" blah blah blah stuff like that. Plus i added locks to the tank which really helped ease her mind, and like i said if they never actually do the research themselves before hand, then no harm done to anyone and you get to have your T am i a bad person?..probably..

 

[TRection]

In all seriousness though, if you have strict parents that refuse to let you get one, there really isnt much you can do aside from trying to open their mind to them, and like the others have already said, that might take a while, but you never know just keep at it, i hope they end up letting you!

 

[nicodimus22]

You know how easy it would be to hide a tarantula tank? Very lol. When I was 16 I hid a lot worse from my parents.

Terrible idea. Everybody loses. You lose because you can't watch and enjoy it all the time because you have to keep it hidden. Your parents won't look at you the same way once they find out (and they will find out one way or another) because you have proven to be untrustworthy. The T loses because it will probably be dumped on craigslist to someone who will keep it improperly. This is an incredibly immature idea.

 

[Moonohol]

You know how easy it would be to hide a tarantula tank? Very lol. When I was 16 I hid a lot worse from my parents.

Just don't get one of the stridulating species

 

[Rittdk01]

Terrible idea. Everybody loses. You lose because you can't watch and enjoy it all the time because you have to keep it hidden. Your parents won't look at you the same way once they find out (and they will find out one way or another) because you have proven to be untrustworthy. The T loses because it will probably be dumped on craigslist to someone who will keep it improperly. This is an incredibly immature idea.

Parents won't look at you the same way over a spider!?!?!?!? lighten up. At 16 most parents worry about their kiddo being depressed, smoking, drinking, having sex or doing drugs; not hiding a tarantula lmao.

 

[Anoplogaster]

Parents won't look at you the same way over a spider!?!?!?!? lighten up. At 16 most parents worry about their kiddo being depressed, smoking, drinking, having sex or doing drugs; not hiding a tarantula lmao.

Depends on the relationship you already have with your parents. When you go behind their backs in any way, they are less likely to trust you in every other way. The thought process would be "Ok, what else are you hiding from us?"

 

[nicodimus22]

Parents won't look at you the same way over a spider!?!?!?!? lighten up. At 16 most parents worry about their kiddo being depressed, smoking, drinking, having sex or doing drugs; not hiding a tarantula lmao.

It's not that they would be mad over a spider...it doesn't really matter what the thing in question is. It's the fact that they told you no, and you did it anyway behind their backs. It's dishonest and also disrespectful to them. What don't you get?

 

[sasker]

At 16 most parents worry about their kiddo being depressed, smoking, drinking, having sex or doing drugs;

I think this depends on the environment you grow up in. I am sure this goes for many teenagers, but it does not sound familiar in my case and I would never go behind the backs of my parents with such matters. But I think the OP is old enough to use his discernment to decide if secretly keeping a tarantula would irreparably damage the relationship with his parents. There must be something wrong with him already if he completely derails because of just one post on AB

Imagine that: from buying a tarantula to doing drugs...Not very likely.

 

[MrsHaas]

How old are you?

I actually rent one of 2 houses my parents own - I dont technically live with them - and they have become increasing displeased as my T count has continually risen.

However, I am also a landlord. And I can tell you for sure that if I ever found somebody breaking the lease if it says "no pets of any kind" I might have a problem with it. Honestly in my own personal situation, it just really depends on the situation and the pet I might have a problem with it. Honestly in my own personal situation, it just really depends on the pet in my eyes. But since your parents are technically I guess your landlords so you want to keep a good rapport with them obviously. And I agree that sneaking a pet is not the best idea. If you want them to be OK with you having a tarantula as a pet, you will have to make sure that they can trust you first. And hiding things breaks down that wall of trust. This is what Id say to/ask my parents if I was in ur shoes:

First I'd address the situation and why they are so adamant that you NOT get one as a pet. Is it that they don't want you to get a pet? Or just not a tarantula? If it's bc it's a T I would ask why (most likely it's out of fear or that they are dangerous)...
Then I'd tell them that Ts actually are fragile and certainly not the bloodthirsty killing machines they are made out to be. I do not know what kind of tarantula you are hoping to get, but I would suggest you get something in the "beginner" pool. If so I would go on to let them know that they are easy to keep and (HOPEFULLY) you will be keeping a species that is not aggressive or
To stop any kind of stereotype from forming/spreading, education is the most important weapon. We hobbiests all agree We cannot make everyone fall as in love with tarantulas as We have. But once u get me going talking Ts, and educating them and separating the lies from the truth, the majority of the ppl who've heard my speeches have opened their minds, even if only a bit. Hopefully u can do the same w ur parents.

Also, it would be a very good idea to get a book on tarantulas. The "tarantula keepers guide" by Stan Shultz is always a must-have for any hobbyist. But it may be a little much when your first introducing the idea of tarantulas to your parents. I would go to the library and check out children's books on the science of tarantulas. Or show them books that are simple to understand (have amazing pictures, because everyone likes something pretty) and go over those books with them. Explain to them all the other things that they want to know that is not in the book… Because if it's a kids book there may be some things that are not covered.

Then, if they have questions that your books do not cover and that you are not able to answer, come and post… We all love talking ts here! IFC they eventually say yes, come back here and post about what kind you should get. Most people here would likely suggest a grammastola, aphonopelma, or brachypelma, I assume. Those are basically pet rocks that need food and water LOL.

Good luck. And if you have any questions you can message me or go ahead and post. On this site, we love when newbs are not afraid to admit that they are beginners and lots of ppl here can provide great advice!

Take care!