Handy cat trick for the hopelessly bored.

The Snark

Dumpster Fire of the Gods
Old Timer
Joined
Aug 8, 2005
Messages
11,500
When you pick up a cat you get what seems like 14 legs with a cat attached unless it's a laconic lump of dough type.
So the solution is to pick it up and have it lie on it's back, cradled in your arms. Without it turning into a pointy pokes you ball of pain.
Of course I perfected the technique then over the past few months have been imposing upon everyone I know to test it. It works every time, even with the rowdiest most unfriendly of felines.

GENTLY AND SLOWLY is always the rule. One goof, one jerk around, one slip and it may never work.
Pick the cat up, legs in the air, cradle safely it in your arms and give it a quick scratching where it likes it best. Never the tummy. Under the chin and cheeks. Then immediately put it down. BUT put it down very slowly on all four feet. VERY SLOWLY, ignoring it's struggling, plant it back safely on the ground. Repeat this at least 2 or 3 times a day for 2 or 3 weeks. A one or two second scratching then back down.
After at least 2 weeks, cradle it for a full 10 second scratching then back down, gentle gentle onto all fours. Repeated for another 2 or 3 weeks. Next scratching session goes to 30 seconds. Hug cuddle scratch and slowly back to earth, placed ever so gently and carefully on all four feet.
I make my rounds. Everyone around here knows I'm animal centric. Snarling guard dogs can't wait to lick me. I make my rounds, picking up peoples cats, giving them the cuddle hug cradling then back down.
Our cat and three others, 3 months or more into the ritual, now resent being put back down. Legs at the ceiling, neck stretched out, eyes closed and get a little over there, and under the chin please, the other ear now, WHAT!@#$@#!!! You criminal! That was supposed to go on FOREVER!
Now you have something to do while watching the geckos sleep on the walls.
 

jecraque

Arachnobaron
Joined
Oct 10, 2012
Messages
342
A certain ex-spouse of mine had a favorite of two kittens we inherited from our landlords, and cradled the thing from its earliest days. Suffice to say I now have an enormous 20-pound tomcat that demands cradling if anyone in the vicinity is a) standing up and b) not making food. His mother (who is 8 pounds) tolerates being held in this way, but his neurotic sister has never taken to being picked up. I think I'll pass on training her, though. One cradling-addicted cat is bad enough.

One of these days I'm shipping him off to my ex...
 

The Snark

Dumpster Fire of the Gods
Old Timer
Joined
Aug 8, 2005
Messages
11,500
The trick is in putting them down on the ground. No matter how much they object to being upside down their last memory of the ordeal is ever so gently being placed back on all four feet. It can only take one drop, one person being a doofus or fumbling and the terror becomes cemented in their minds just like a child learning spider phobia from seeing an adult freak.
 

aaarg

Arachnoknight
Old Timer
Joined
Feb 26, 2013
Messages
258
I would love to meet a village cat-cradler. You're one of a kind.

How do you go about gently putting down a cat that won't remain in your arms to begin with?

One of these days I'm shipping him off to my ex...
She doesn't mean this. I happen to be the current source of cradling for this very large cat, and I wouldn't have it!
 

The Snark

Dumpster Fire of the Gods
Old Timer
Joined
Aug 8, 2005
Messages
11,500
How do you go about gently putting down a cat that won't remain in your arms to begin with?
That is the trick. No matter how ornery or feisty, grab the cat around the middle, maybe trying to recall where the Betadyne and band aids are, and lower it gently and slowly to the floor, not letting go until all 4 feet are down. A successful 'touchdown' is the cat not scampering off but placidly accepting things and staying where you placed it for a few seconds. It's great fear becomes offset by 'that wasn't so bad at all'.

I've just acquired a new victim. A mean old tom that it had taken two weeks just to let me pick it up. On it's back and it's a wrestling match. Then, front paws claws embedded in my hand, rear claws going for the super speed scratching, going for a few good bites, it got it's chin scratched for a few moments. It's brain locked up. Then the slow gentle landing. It just stood there, dazed, then did the cat and a leg round and around it had never done before: 'Wow! That was... sort of... nice.'
 
Last edited:
Top