- Joined
- Aug 8, 2005
- Messages
- 11,497
She's a cute, well mannered, half out of kittenhood tabby. Her people discovered we are the perfect people to take care of her while they go on vacation.
I hear a mad dash cat scramble and spin around to see the critter sitting under the kitchen counter, head cocked to one side, and vigorously rubbing her nose with a paw. Wifeypoo arrives and asks about catdisposition. I explain she has blown up her nose while discovering not to touch the 220 volt metal body of the refrigerator. (Obviously, I have a degree in electrical engineering and as such, we engineering types are used to things that go zap and will fix it as soon as we get a round 2it).
My lady fair scoops up the kitten and consoles it. To her, lady fair, everything gets spoken to as if they understand her strange garbled English perfectly. This causes me to drop whatever I might be doing about 20 times a day and take a short trip through the house to find lady fair and inquire as to what she said only to discover she was talking to the dog, the dinner table, or something unidentified she unearthed from the fridge.
She continues cuddling the cat as she decides to take it on the grand tour of her vacation home of the moment:
"This is your potty! See?"
The cat peers into the toilet and the bowl of cat litter therein. (Right. Take care of business in a boat floating on a lake.)
The tour goes out the door and I follow in disbelief.
"This is the dog! If you go outside it likes to play. It will chase you, knock you over, and see how much of you will fit in it's mouth. But it doesn't bite hard."
The cat stares at the dog in alarm. (How sweet. I discovered this earlier this morning in case you haven't noticed I'm coated in dog slobber.)
Continuing out into the back yard.
"If you want to get away from the dog you can climb this tree. Not that one. He can climb it."
Held out at arms length the cat gets to scrutinize both trees. It glances over it's shoulder at her. (Wonderful. The monster that tried to eat my head can climb trees.)
We return to the house. She holds the cat's nose over the food dish.
"Your food dish!"
It stares into the bowl. (Excuse me! Are you serious? That's dog food!)
Lady fair explains as the tour continues, "I'll buy you some fish today for dinner."
Comically, the cat stares up at her face. (I'm so relieved!)
The cat now gets dangled behind the entertainment center-mess.
"Don't pull on those cords. The speakers will fall on you."
The cat sniffs the dozens of wires. (Right. Play here and I get crushed flat by a 12 pound woofer or two.)
And on up the stairs they go. The cat's nose is held a safe distance from the boat anchor transformer.
"That will blow your nose too. Don't sniff at it."
The cat glances at me and I do my best to look innocent. (You designed this feline torture chamber, didn't you?)
And out onto the porch.
"You can play out here all you want. But don't go on the roof in the afternoon. It will cook your feet."
She cuddles the cat, looking down at it lovingly. "Kow jai mai?"
I have to get in on things at this point. I ask the cat, "Did you get all that? Any questions?"
The cat rests it's chin on her shoulder as it stares at me. Stares very fixedly. (As a matter of fact, yes. What is the name of this asylum? Do I get a reprieve? Time off for good behavior?)
I hear a mad dash cat scramble and spin around to see the critter sitting under the kitchen counter, head cocked to one side, and vigorously rubbing her nose with a paw. Wifeypoo arrives and asks about catdisposition. I explain she has blown up her nose while discovering not to touch the 220 volt metal body of the refrigerator. (Obviously, I have a degree in electrical engineering and as such, we engineering types are used to things that go zap and will fix it as soon as we get a round 2it).
My lady fair scoops up the kitten and consoles it. To her, lady fair, everything gets spoken to as if they understand her strange garbled English perfectly. This causes me to drop whatever I might be doing about 20 times a day and take a short trip through the house to find lady fair and inquire as to what she said only to discover she was talking to the dog, the dinner table, or something unidentified she unearthed from the fridge.
She continues cuddling the cat as she decides to take it on the grand tour of her vacation home of the moment:
"This is your potty! See?"
The cat peers into the toilet and the bowl of cat litter therein. (Right. Take care of business in a boat floating on a lake.)
The tour goes out the door and I follow in disbelief.
"This is the dog! If you go outside it likes to play. It will chase you, knock you over, and see how much of you will fit in it's mouth. But it doesn't bite hard."
The cat stares at the dog in alarm. (How sweet. I discovered this earlier this morning in case you haven't noticed I'm coated in dog slobber.)
Continuing out into the back yard.
"If you want to get away from the dog you can climb this tree. Not that one. He can climb it."
Held out at arms length the cat gets to scrutinize both trees. It glances over it's shoulder at her. (Wonderful. The monster that tried to eat my head can climb trees.)
We return to the house. She holds the cat's nose over the food dish.
"Your food dish!"
It stares into the bowl. (Excuse me! Are you serious? That's dog food!)
Lady fair explains as the tour continues, "I'll buy you some fish today for dinner."
Comically, the cat stares up at her face. (I'm so relieved!)
The cat now gets dangled behind the entertainment center-mess.
"Don't pull on those cords. The speakers will fall on you."
The cat sniffs the dozens of wires. (Right. Play here and I get crushed flat by a 12 pound woofer or two.)
And on up the stairs they go. The cat's nose is held a safe distance from the boat anchor transformer.
"That will blow your nose too. Don't sniff at it."
The cat glances at me and I do my best to look innocent. (You designed this feline torture chamber, didn't you?)
And out onto the porch.
"You can play out here all you want. But don't go on the roof in the afternoon. It will cook your feet."
She cuddles the cat, looking down at it lovingly. "Kow jai mai?"
I have to get in on things at this point. I ask the cat, "Did you get all that? Any questions?"
The cat rests it's chin on her shoulder as it stares at me. Stares very fixedly. (As a matter of fact, yes. What is the name of this asylum? Do I get a reprieve? Time off for good behavior?)