Tarantula keeping and friends

[Venom1080]

It's something I've been teased about for sure, but I can't say I've actually lost any friends because of it. I never mention it to someone I just met. And It certainly helps to never mention it at all IME.

 

[Garth Vader]

My friends think it is very weird that I keep tarantulas, but they have often thought I am a weirdo and they love me for it. Most of my friends ask about them and want to see them when they come over. The main exceptions are members of my husband's family, they are all slightly phobic and stay away from them.

A few different friends with kids asked to see the tarantulas and I did show and tell. The kids loved it and the parents were pretty interested. Most people have no idea about the different species, sizes, requirements for husbandry, etc. It is very cool! A side story- I recently got my first OW (A. ezendami) and I was telling my friends about the venom and how it is a more advanced type to keep. They were like "WHICH ONE IS IT?" and I showed them a tiny deli cup with a tiny black spider inside. My friend's husband laughed really hard and said "I was expecting something really scary and you keep that little thing in a cup for some to-go ranch". Another side story- a good friend of mine is a school nurse and she talks to one kid regularly who is really shy and doesn't open up about much UNTIL she started telling him about my tarantulas, so I send her pictures to share with him at school and now he connects with her a lot. Isn't that cool?!

I also have multiple therapy clients who come to see me for things not at all related to arachnophobia who ask to meet tarantulas because they are interested in them. I teach therapy skills classes and multiple people have asked to meet a tarantula on their graduation day as a reward for finishing the class. So I've been thrilled to see how many people are just really interested in them.

A plus is that we made some new friends recently (making new friends in your 40s is kind of hard, I have found) and they came over and asked to see my tarantulas. One of them thought it was hilarious that my Phormicopus auratus is named Glenn Danzig and surmised that the particular tarantula must be a difficult one. That made me very happy!

I have found this hobby to be a great way to connect with others and to share something cool with people.

 

[ArachnoHazard]

Thank you to everyone who replied! Especially with stories!

The reason I asked is because I’ve had quite a few hobbies in the past that have made people give me strange looks. It was something that bothered me much more as a teen than it does now, of course, but I was really curious to how others experienced that sort of thing. I knew from experience that this was one of those hobbies.

I just like seeing how people interact and the things that affect those things!

Though I am always very glad for forums because of having people to relate to.

 

[McGruder]

In my experience you might get some strange looks, but most people aren't going to straight-up ditch you as a friend over it. The hardest part I've found is that if there's something you're really excited about (like witnessing your first molt, that just happened to me!) most of the people around you aren't going to be as interested in it as you are, and that can be tough when you just want to share something cool with your friends/family. But like you say - that's what the forums are for! If you're interested in T.s I would take the plunge and get at least one. The enjoyment you'll get out of the hobby will be worth it!

 

[Deb60]

Haven’t actually lost friends, just don’t get some coming in my house . One of my friends ( of 40yrs ) did come in on Monday , but wouldn’t sit down or stay long , but at least it was a start . Usually she would wait outside. It’s handy sometimes if they don’t come round as I’m not worrying about having to rush around tidying up lol , allow I’m always told how tidy and well maintained my Ts etc .

 

[Lokee85]

So, I have yet to get my first tarantula, but I am planning to get one for myself as a birthday gift at the end of next month, beginning of July. I’ve only ever had the “typical” types of pets before; dogs, cats, rabbits, etc. The one thing I’ve noticed is that a lot of people become VERY uncomfortable when you mention the possibility of getting a pet T. The reactions have ranged from “as long as it stays in its enclosure” to “I am never coming in your house again”.

Basically, I’m just wondering if anyone else has noticed a kind of strain in friendships once you got a T or once people find out you have a collection of them. It’s not going to change my mind about getting one, since my boyfriend is okay with us having one (he thinks they’re creepy but he also loves how excited I get about them). But I really am wondering how much of a change it makes in the way people view or interact with you.

I absolutely experience this, and worse, my kids do too. Mostly from one of my sisters, my brother and his wife. My sister won't even come to my apartment or allow her children inside, even her oldest who has specifically expressed interest in wanting to see them, because "what if the tarantulas escape and attack me/us/them!?!?" No matter how many times I've told her my enclosures are made to be escape proof with latches or locking pins, and they don't ever get opened when people are over, I even close the door to that room... Nope, not gonna happen. But I can't blame her, I used to be the same way. I just try to dispell misconceptions when I can and allow her to hold her own opinion.

My brother and his wife are the same as well, to the point that they won't let my nieces or nephew spend the night with my kids because "spiders." My kids get really upset at how their family misunderstands spiders in such a way and always try to get them to understand, but like many adults, they don't take the information the kids give them seriously and get irritated when my kids persist with correcting them when they say something erroneous about spiders. I always get the question, "Are you going to allow your children to talk to me like that??"
Yeah. I am. I might even high-five them for it.

 

[Chris LXXIX]

This - T's and supposed friends - is another issue (like handling, best substrate, beginner with 'OBT') that loves to jumps out often. I fail to realize where the problem is, but too much people are IMO too damn serious about how they can appear to others that, sometimes, deserves only a 'Brooklyn Crusher' blow on their heads. Mah, I say

 

[Mushroom]

Hi there
I've been keeping Ts for about 18 years. Most of my friends consider it as something totally normal by now. But what about some new people? Coworkers? I actually don't hide my hobby from anyone.
While admitting it for the first time might give you some weird looks from certain people, there are some bullet-proof arguments to make your hobby look entirely normal. Let me explain first what happened.
Last week I worked from home and called in for a big meeting. There was a bunch of directors and initially it was supposed to be a voice-only meeting. Suddenly I saw that everyone had their cameras on.
Damn... the only thing I managed to do was changing my pajamas top and putting on some nice shirt. But... there was that enclosure in the background with a lovely AF A. geniculata on the glass.
Wonderful.
Of course, everything started with a chit-chat and the boss of my boss's boss asked: "what's that thing behind your back". So I had no choice but to explain...
What started as me, trying to explain I was not a psycho, turned into my coworkers bragging about their hobbies. Suddenly, that guy in a suit admitted he liked to do fencing with a bastard sword. Another dude was a big collector of some dull-looking cactus and he apparently has half of his room stuffed with them.

It all comes down to the fact that no human being is entirely "normal". Every time someone raises a brow at your hobby, ask him that question:
"Have you EVER been criticized for doing something, that, seemingly, crosses the boundary of social "norm"?"
Has anyone ever hated you for your tatoo? Has anyone called you names for listening to some particular kind of music?
Every single human being has such story. And everyone has been in your shoes or will be - one day. It is all about understanding, that it is literally the same thing.
People may call you names because they can speak. And if you can't simply ignore it, ask them this question. Suddenly they may become less judgemental.

 

[Daesu]

My friends reactions vary between thinking i'm slightly weird, disinterest, interest and slight fear but hasn't affected my relationship with any of them.
Reaction-wise what i'm worried about at the moment is when i'm showing prospective buyers around the house and we have to go into the T room...

 

[Garth Vader]

This - T's and supposed friends - is another issue (like handling, best substrate, beginner with 'OBT') that loves to jumps out often. I fail to realize where the problem is, but too much people are IMO too damn serious about how they can appear to others that, sometimes, deserves only a 'Brooklyn Crusher' blow on their heads. Mah, I say

Also, Help! My avic is dying.

 

[ArachnoHazard]

For those who noticed a drop off in contact from people in their lives, what I’m most curious about is how quickly it happened. Was it an all of a sudden response or did it happen gradually, with excuses made here and there until the contact was minimal or none?

Again, this isn’t a personal concern of mine so much as just a general curiosity about the psychology of how people react to “creepy” hobbies. I’ve had experience with other hobbies that would garner these types of responses and I guess I’m mostly wondering how they all compare. If the reactions are the same across the board or if some “weird ” hobbies are weighted more heavily than others. This isn’t a hobby I have as much experience in and everyone I care about in my life is pretty desensitized to my hobbies, so that’s really what pushed me to ask this question.

 

[SkittleBunny]

Friends?! A thing of the past now.. They moved on to have families and normal lives and I'm just sittin' on a bunch of tarantulas and snakes.. Lol. Seriously, I have one friend who still comes around who tolerates my creatures..

I bet I'm not the only one who attempted to make a friend only to have them block all means of contact once they realize we have creepy crawlies it's their loss!!

Not to mention I'm terrible at people-ing.. Better at spider-ing.. Lol.

 

[Mirandarachnid]

Anyone who knows me already knows I'm a bit off-kilter.

My best friend actually bought me my first sling for my birthday last year. Every now and then I'll send him an update on how big it's getting and his reaction is always along the lines of "That's creepy", with non forum-friendly language

Another very close friend of mine does not like spiders at all, but when I was excited about a winning a T. stirmi in a raffle, I told her it was about 7" and she said, "That's horrifying", then, asked me to send her a picture of it in the enclosure when I got it set up.

My boyfriend and I recently moved out of an apartment, and let his brother take over the lease there. His brother has two little girls, and when we were picking up the last tarantula, his 3 year-old (very smart girl, communicates very well) asked what was in the box. We told her it was a spider. She wanted to look at it, but we explained it was "sleeping" in it's hole. About a week later, his brother and the girls came over to our new house. As soon as we opened the door, the girls were jumping up and down asking to see the spiders. We took them into the T room and showed them some of the spiders that were out. The three year-old asked us why we have spiders as pets. We explained it was like having a pet fish, and she totally understood, and thought it was cool. The 8 year-old said she thinks they're evil (Lesson learned, get 'em while they're young!)

I work nights at a hotel. When customers ask me what I do to pass the time, I tell them I read about spiders, and based on their level of interest, tell them about my tarantulas. Several of my regulars will ask me how my spiders are doing when they see me. They get better rooms

 

[Staehilomyces]

I'll reiterate what I said before on a similar thread: No one has ever lost a friend over this hobby; they were never friends in the first place.

As for me, my fascination with inverts has been nothing but positives in terms of social life. People have so many questions about them, so they make great conversation starters. Sometimes people think the things I do are a little strange, but always change their minds when I compare them to more commonplace examples. For instance, when someone was incredulous about the prices some people pay for inverts "that only live a few years", I mentioned how some people may spend thousands on a dress they may only wear for one day in their life. Spending a couple hundred on an invert that'll potentially live a decade or more is pretty sane compared to that.
While my interactions with people in real life are all positive when conversation turns to my inverts, the same cannot be said about the internet. As a centipede keeper, I get it worse than tarantula and scorpion keepers - I've even gotten "kill it with fire" comments from other invert keepers. Aside from that boring classic, I've also been labeled as a future serial killer, school shooter, or terrorist. However, in the end, what a bunch of twelve year olds on their mother's laptop think of me amounts to nothing.

 

[vancwa]

I tell people to be nice because One Day We Are Going To Rule The Earth.

 

[Greasylake]

I've also been labeled as a future serial killer, school shooter, or terrorist

Hey! I've gotten all of those too!

 

[NYAN]

Everyone thinks I’m crazy and they don’t even know I live with 100 things that have more legs than me and venom. The ones who do know don’t care really. My family has worse reactions than everyone else usually.

 

[Bread]

My female friends aren't keen but most do not care, my male friends the T's are cool, and one even uses my place as a 'hideout' from his mrs as he knows she won't come near

 

[Staehilomyces]

The only rubbish I've recently been getting from people in real life about keeping inverts is a few immature classmates going on about how I "have sex with centipedes". Evidently any relationship with a non-commonplace pet must automatically be sexual in their eyes. But in the end, it's only a minor drawback, and I really don't care what a bunch of teens with an IQ of sqrt(-1) say.

 

[Gloomcookie]

Hi, I read your post and no, I haven't lost any of them- I noticed a difference in them. My friend who lives next door to me was horrified - but since I have them - now she isn't. I have 4 boys - 2 of my older boys wanted to move out- now they are T lovers. If you can educate your friends and family - (and they actually hear & listen) you will notice a stronger bond between your 8-legged loves and friends and family Good luck!