Starting a new life with my tarantulas

A guy

Arachnobaron
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519
So I'm planning to propose to my girlfriend of 8 years next year, We've been together since high school. We have been in a long distance relationship for a couple of years now. She has always been supportive of my tarantula keeping hobby and although she's extremely scared of them - she always helps me with shopping for tarantula supplies, helps me decide which tarantulas to get, etc.

I know a lot of people here have other halves that are extremely supportive of their hobby and even have their own tarantulas. I want to know about those who have partners that are scared of their tarantulas. If there is, how did living in the same house affect the way you keep tarantulas?
 

Tbone192

Arachnobaron
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442
So I'm planning to propose to my girlfriend of 8 years next year, We've been together since high school. We have been in a long distance relationship for a couple of years now. She has always been supportive of my tarantula keeping hobby and although she's extremely scared of them - she always helps me with shopping for tarantula supplies, helps me decide which tarantulas to get, etc.

I know a lot of people here have other halves that are extremely supportive of their hobby and even have their own tarantulas. I want to know about those who have partners that are scared of their tarantulas. If there is, how did living in the same house affect the way you keep tarantulas?
I live with a roommate who is not a fan of spiders at all, to make things worse her aunt visits occasionally and she refuses to stay at our place when I have my spiders there. Thankfully I have a friend who lives nearby who also keeps T's. Whenever my roommates aunt visits, I move my T's to my friend's place, and I help out with feeding his collection. It's a good solution and I get to see my buddies collection of T's when I go visit. Otherwise you could try setting up some ground rules with the concerned party, specific location, reducing T talk around them unless it is significant or they bring it up, whatever floats your boat really.
 

A guy

Arachnobaron
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Messages
519
I live with a roommate who is not a fan of spiders at all, to make things worse her aunt visits occasionally and she refuses to stay at our place when I have my spiders there. Thankfully I have a friend who lives nearby who also keeps T's. Whenever my roommates aunt visits, I move my T's to my friend's place, and I help out with feeding his collection. It's a good solution and I get to see my buddies collection of T's when I go visit. Otherwise you could try setting up some ground rules with the concerned party, specific location, reducing T talk around them unless it is significant or they bring it up, whatever floats your boat really.
That's seems like a rough routine you got there. My girlfriend is scared but not to the point where she won't go inside a room with tarantulas
 

viper69

ArachnoGod
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Dec 8, 2006
Messages
18,553
So I'm planning to propose to my girlfriend of 8 years next year, We've been together since high school. We have been in a long distance relationship for a couple of years now. She has always been supportive of my tarantula keeping hobby and although she's extremely scared of them - she always helps me with shopping for tarantula supplies, helps me decide which tarantulas to get, etc.

I know a lot of people here have other halves that are extremely supportive of their hobby and even have their own tarantulas. I want to know about those who have partners that are scared of their tarantulas. If there is, how did living in the same house affect the way you keep tarantulas?
It didn't,. No more than their hobby/hobbies I didn't have interest in them affect them.

if it did affect, then that's first a fault of my own, and then it would be her fault too. If she can't be supportive, you need GF 2.0, not kidding.
 

Tentacle Toast

Arachnobaron
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579
So I'm planning to propose to my girlfriend of 8 years next year, We've been together since high school. We have been in a long distance relationship for a couple of years now. She has always been supportive of my tarantula keeping hobby and although she's extremely scared of them - she always helps me with shopping for tarantula supplies, helps me decide which tarantulas to get, etc.

I know a lot of people here have other halves that are extremely supportive of their hobby and even have their own tarantulas. I want to know about those who have partners that are scared of their tarantulas. If there is, how did living in the same house affect the way you keep tarantulas?
I've always been an animal guy, & she's an animal girl, so it's worked out.
HOWEVER, she had a "NO SPIDERS" (LoL) "rule" that was settled..."foot down." All it took to cure her was a spider. I also keep (well, kept) several species of Mantis, then just added a spider. By the time she realized there was a spider, she was over the fact that there was a spider. I don't know what your situation is, but I pay for everything here, so although I respect her positions wholeheartedly, if they're irrational, I'm not going to wholeheartedly abide...
...so, in my tarantula keeping journey, I've learned that I strongly favor arboreal, to the point where I've got three terrestrials that I'm trying to rehome (feel free to PM), with one of them being a geniculata. Well, she's grown attached to this geniculata's antics to the point where I "CAN'T get rid of him NOW"..LoL
To borrow a saying, there's two types of girls; those who love "tarantulas," & those who haven't tried them yet...
 

IntermittentSygnal

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If you’ve been together 8 years, she knows what a big part of your life your T’s are. Best course is to have an honest talk with her about expectations. Ask her what she needs to feel safe/comfortable and what she expects in cohabitation.
 

A guy

Arachnobaron
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Messages
519
I've always been an animal guy, & she's an animal girl, so it's worked out.
HOWEVER, she had a "NO SPIDERS" (LoL) "rule" that was settled..."foot down." All it took to cure her was a spider. I also keep (well, kept) several species of Mantis, then just added a spider. By the time she realized there was a spider, she was over the fact that there was a spider. I don't know what your situation is, but I pay for everything here, so although I respect her positions wholeheartedly, if they're irrational, I'm not going to wholeheartedly abide...
...so, in my tarantula keeping journey, I've learned that I strongly favor arboreal, to the point where I've got three terrestrials that I'm trying to rehome (feel free to PM), with one of them being a geniculata. Well, she's grown attached to this geniculata's antics to the point where I "CAN'T get rid of him NOW"..LoL
To borrow a saying, there's two types of girls; those who love "tarantulas," & those who haven't tried them yet...
Yeah, my girl has a "no centipede" rule right now but we'll work on that lol
 

SpookySpooder

"embiggened"
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Congratulations Marco!

I've been with my GF for 11 years now, waiting for everything to line up to take the step you're about to.

She started deathly afraid of my T's as well. She would stand a few feet away whenever I did feedings and rehousing and would shriek and run off if any T moved too quickly.

She's highly involved with any shopping decisions, supply runs, or even activities such as mixing substrate or setting up enclosures, but she is afraid of the creepy crawly spiders.

We made a big step forward this summer when I had an extended business trip, she oversaw the maintenance on my collection and grew to like some of the calmer, more colorful species.

I can thank the high maintenance husbandry routine and my paranoia of T. Seladonia dehydrating in breaking the ice for my GF. She hasn't yet come around and gotten her own, but she's warmed up to the Avics.

She's still afraid of the OBT and Earth Tiger. Reasonably so.
 

A guy

Arachnobaron
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Joined
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Messages
519
Congratulations Marco!

I've been with my GF for 11 years now, waiting for everything to line up to take the step you're about to.

She started deathly afraid of my T's as well. She would stand a few feet away whenever I did feedings and rehousing and would shriek and run off if any T moved too quickly.

She's highly involved with any shopping decisions, supply runs, or even activities such as mixing substrate or setting up enclosures, but she is afraid of the creepy crawly spiders.

We made a big step forward this summer when I had an extended business trip, she oversaw the maintenance on my collection and grew to like some of the calmer, more colorful species.

I can thank the high maintenance husbandry routine and my paranoia of T. Seladonia dehydrating in breaking the ice for my GF. She hasn't yet come around and gotten her own, but she's warmed up to the Avics.

She's still afraid of the OBT and Earth Tiger. Reasonably so.
Thank you!! Having a long distance relationship is hell especially that we're living in two different countries that takes 23 hours of travel time by plane. We don't want to be thousands of miles away from each other anymore and things seem to be aligning up for us.

I was kinda bummed that she didn't want to do anything with the actual spiders but I just thought that it's okay for us not to bond over everything. We can do our own thing and enjoy the things we both love doing.
 

Ultum4Spiderz

ArachnoGod
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Oct 13, 2011
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6,015
I've always been an animal guy, & she's an animal girl, so it's worked out.
HOWEVER, she had a "NO SPIDERS" (LoL) "rule" that was settled..."foot down." All it took to cure her was a spider. I also keep (well, kept) several species of Mantis, then just added a spider. By the time she realized there was a spider, she was over the fact that there was a spider. I don't know what your situation is, but I pay for everything here, so although I respect her positions wholeheartedly, if they're irrational, I'm not going to wholeheartedly abide...
...so, in my tarantula keeping journey, I've learned that I strongly favor arboreal, to the point where I've got three terrestrials that I'm trying to rehome (feel free to PM), with one of them being a geniculata. Well, she's grown attached to this geniculata's antics to the point where I "CAN'T get rid of him NOW"..LoL
To borrow a saying, there's two types of girls; those who love "tarantulas," & those who haven't tried them yet...
Wish I had that problem too many tarantulas . I’m down to my lowest number in 15 years . Sadly I’m single and it will probably stay that way even if I find a job. Anxiety drives me crazy and I’m always worried over stuff.
 

SpookySpooder

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Thank you!! Having a long distance relationship is hell especially that we're living in two different countries that takes 23 hours of travel time by plane. We don't want to be thousands of miles away from each other anymore and things seem to be aligning up for us.

I was kinda bummed that she didn't want to do anything with the actual spiders but I just thought that it's okay for us not to bond over everything. We can do our own thing and enjoy the things we both love doing.
I'm happy to hear you'll be coming together soon. It's rough to have long distances between you but when it works that's how you know your relationship and feelings are strong.

It's perfectly fine not to share the same interests and hobbies. I can't honestly say I'm not very invested in interior decorating or clothing design, and she isn't keen on gardening in the sun or catering to a menagerie of different types of animals.

We find common ground in other interests and sometimes we wander into each other's hobbies and activities just to be together doing something.

I've learned plenty of skills I wouldn't normally otherwise have picked up because I've helped her with her art and work, and she's broadened her experiences by involving herself in some of my hobbies.

I wish you two the best of luck and happiness in your union. I think love is amazing when it works out.
 

catboyeuthanasia

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Joined
Aug 10, 2023
Messages
137
Congratulations! Sounds like your partner is very supportive and y'all have a great dynamic! I recently closed the distance with my partner and had to move all my pets to the country.

It's great to share some aspect of a partner's hobby without doing the whole hobby together. I think this keeps things fresh, and you always have more to learn about each other. For example, my partner keeps farm animals and plays Celtic music. I've been helping feed the pigs, and reading a bit more about Celtic history in my spare time. She helped me mist/feed my spiders and we're talking about making art out of some of the molts.

On the topic of centipedes, I wanted to put my centipede enclosure in a 1 meter high bin for her peace of mind, but it turned out she wasn't afraid of it! Still do it for my peace of mind...

Once again, congratulations!
 

Tentacle Toast

Arachnobaron
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Messages
579
I've always been an animal guy, & she's an animal girl, so it's worked out.
HOWEVER, she had a "NO SPIDERS" (LoL) "rule" that was settled..."foot down." All it took to cure her was a spider. I also keep (well, kept) several species of Mantis, then just added a spider. By the time she realized there was a spider, she was over the fact that there was a spider. I don't know what your situation is, but I pay for everything here, so although I respect her positions wholeheartedly, if they're irrational, I'm not going to wholeheartedly abide...
...so, in my tarantula keeping journey, I've learned that I strongly favor arboreal, to the point where I've got three terrestrials that I'm trying to rehome (feel free to PM), with one of them being a geniculata. Well, she's grown attached to this geniculata's antics to the point where I "CAN'T get rid of him NOW"..LoL
To borrow a saying, there's two types of girls; those who love "tarantulas," & those who haven't tried them yet...
Sounds like two friends I had in particular, thought they were destined to be permanent bachelors; one has since divorced, & wonders why he ever wanted to get married in the first place, & the other I'm not allowed to talk to anymore, even when he ISN'T busy with the kids, because his wife doesn't enjoy my company. Seems they come when you stop trying...
 

A guy

Arachnobaron
Active Member
Joined
Aug 8, 2020
Messages
519
Congratulations! Sounds like your partner is very supportive and y'all have a great dynamic! I recently closed the distance with my partner and had to move all my pets to the country.

It's great to share some aspect of a partner's hobby without doing the whole hobby together. I think this keeps things fresh, and you always have more to learn about each other. For example, my partner keeps farm animals and plays Celtic music. I've been helping feed the pigs, and reading a bit more about Celtic history in my spare time. She helped me mist/feed my spiders and we're talking about making art out of some of the molts.

On the topic of centipedes, I wanted to put my centipede enclosure in a 1 meter high bin for her peace of mind, but it turned out she wasn't afraid of it! Still do it for my peace of mind...

Once again, congratulations!
Thank you! Like I've said above, I don't push her into liking my spiders. She supports me by allowing me to buy more, goes with me shopping for supplies and that's good enough for me.

I love my spiders and I love my girl but I'm only marrying one of them so yeah... lol
 

viper69

ArachnoGod
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Dec 8, 2006
Messages
18,553
Sounds like two friends I had in particular, thought they were destined to be permanent bachelors; one has since divorced, & wonders why he ever wanted to get married in the first place, & the other I'm not allowed to talk to anymore, even when he ISN'T busy with the kids, because his wife doesn't enjoy my company. Seems they come when you stop trying...
That friend of yours is no friend! His wife is a jerk, and so is he. Friends are forever spouses not so much.

but I'm only marrying one of them so yeah... lol
Remind her of that too. My long term gfs were all fine with my exotics until they moved in, and the recurring question of “do you have to get another?” kept popping up

Me to them- I can get another gf as well

So be on the lookout for that crap. It’s roses now until years go by for some peeps.
 

Dry Desert

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1,598
Thank you! Like I've said above, I don't push her into liking my spiders. She supports me by allowing me to buy more, goes with me shopping for supplies and that's good enough for me.

I love my spiders and I love my girl but I'm only marrying one of them so yeah... lol
There's an old saying -

" Opposites attract "

Leave it as is.
 
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