- Joined
- Aug 8, 2005
- Messages
- 10,774
I pick up my shoe to bang it on the ground in case the scorpions haven't got a clue yet. Out comes a monster spider, straddling the entire opening. It stares at me as if to state, "MY SHOE!"
I'm looking right in it's face and am doing a mental double or triple take. It's face is that of a salticid. Holy moly! I call out, "Get the camera!"
She peeks out the door and click! Off goes her brain. "OOO! HOW CUTE!"
"Honey, this looks like the largest lycosid I have ever seen!"
No. Her brain is off. She holds her hands out and what the heck?? It's just like her playing with the jumpers. Instead of leap and scurry, it permits itself to be cajoled onto her hand. Not just stepping over, it turns about as if to go 'Nyyaa!' at me. It is still only a foot from my face as I get a real good look at it's face. It looks exactly like a jumper including those star gazer headlights.
Meanwhile she is making all those ultra scientific cooing and gooshy gooey noises.
I dash in the house to get the camera. When I come back out she has it sitting on the hood of the jeep between her arms in a cross species love fest. I try to get a shot from around her shoulder and zoom. Sigh. Well, the opening of my shoe is oval, almost 4 inches by 5 inches, if that tells anybody anything.
I confront her. "Do you have to turn into a gooey dingbat every time we..."
Incensed, she cuts me off. "I'm not ding gooey."
"Exactly."
I get dragged over to the drain channel running through the wifes restaurant. She points at a snake lying half submerged. "Is it poisonous?"
I glance. "It's a ratter. No, but it might as well be. It is bite happy max and considering it's diet..."
Click. I could hear her brain switch off. She reached down and uses a finger as a snake hook. A night in cold water while trying to digest what appears to be two massive rats has left this specimen running around sloth speed. It dangles from her finger making weak and ineffectual little wriggles.
"Honey, those things..."
With her brain off, so is her hearing. She turns it and looks like she is going to kiss it. From past experience, had that been me I would have been tagged about 20 times so far. It holds it's head up, extended, like it is looking forward to the kiss.
She drops into her scientific mode: "Ooo! You is so cute! You a fattel'."
As with 99.9 percent of the locals of Southeast Asia, she has never voluntarily pronounced an R in her life. Fattel the entire species had become in the blink of an eye. But she isn't done. She holds it up high, pokes at the belly bulges and giggles. "Babies!" I think the snake belched, still dangling there laconically. I take note it is a magnificent specimen. It's around 5 feet long and the picture of health.
She takes it out to the little garden area and gently stretches it out in the sun. She gives it a stroke down it's back as I watch in complete disbelief.
A week later I see her out in the garden doing what looks like... sweeping?
I go out and ask, "What are you..."
She is sweeping a cobra, or rather, cajoling it towards the river. As I aproach she warns me, "That's a Naja."
Well yes. I noticed. It is a very chunky specimen too. At a guess almost 7 feet. I can see the monocles so I'm a little relieved it isn't a spitter and she seems to be using due caution, very carefully brushing just behind it's tail. It cooperates and slithers down the bank and is gone.
This is the same woman that refused to get out of the jeep because there was a caterpillar on the wall next to her.
I'm looking right in it's face and am doing a mental double or triple take. It's face is that of a salticid. Holy moly! I call out, "Get the camera!"
She peeks out the door and click! Off goes her brain. "OOO! HOW CUTE!"
"Honey, this looks like the largest lycosid I have ever seen!"
No. Her brain is off. She holds her hands out and what the heck?? It's just like her playing with the jumpers. Instead of leap and scurry, it permits itself to be cajoled onto her hand. Not just stepping over, it turns about as if to go 'Nyyaa!' at me. It is still only a foot from my face as I get a real good look at it's face. It looks exactly like a jumper including those star gazer headlights.
Meanwhile she is making all those ultra scientific cooing and gooshy gooey noises.
I dash in the house to get the camera. When I come back out she has it sitting on the hood of the jeep between her arms in a cross species love fest. I try to get a shot from around her shoulder and zoom. Sigh. Well, the opening of my shoe is oval, almost 4 inches by 5 inches, if that tells anybody anything.
I confront her. "Do you have to turn into a gooey dingbat every time we..."
Incensed, she cuts me off. "I'm not ding gooey."
"Exactly."
I get dragged over to the drain channel running through the wifes restaurant. She points at a snake lying half submerged. "Is it poisonous?"
I glance. "It's a ratter. No, but it might as well be. It is bite happy max and considering it's diet..."
Click. I could hear her brain switch off. She reached down and uses a finger as a snake hook. A night in cold water while trying to digest what appears to be two massive rats has left this specimen running around sloth speed. It dangles from her finger making weak and ineffectual little wriggles.
"Honey, those things..."
With her brain off, so is her hearing. She turns it and looks like she is going to kiss it. From past experience, had that been me I would have been tagged about 20 times so far. It holds it's head up, extended, like it is looking forward to the kiss.
She drops into her scientific mode: "Ooo! You is so cute! You a fattel'."
As with 99.9 percent of the locals of Southeast Asia, she has never voluntarily pronounced an R in her life. Fattel the entire species had become in the blink of an eye. But she isn't done. She holds it up high, pokes at the belly bulges and giggles. "Babies!" I think the snake belched, still dangling there laconically. I take note it is a magnificent specimen. It's around 5 feet long and the picture of health.
She takes it out to the little garden area and gently stretches it out in the sun. She gives it a stroke down it's back as I watch in complete disbelief.
A week later I see her out in the garden doing what looks like... sweeping?
I go out and ask, "What are you..."
She is sweeping a cobra, or rather, cajoling it towards the river. As I aproach she warns me, "That's a Naja."
Well yes. I noticed. It is a very chunky specimen too. At a guess almost 7 feet. I can see the monocles so I'm a little relieved it isn't a spitter and she seems to be using due caution, very carefully brushing just behind it's tail. It cooperates and slithers down the bank and is gone.
This is the same woman that refused to get out of the jeep because there was a caterpillar on the wall next to her.
