Opinions please- yes or no?

Laceface

Arachnoknight
Old Timer
Joined
Nov 20, 2006
Messages
264
My mom's boyfriend, again, wants to get more Ts. Up to this point, they are mine, I care for them, I decide who does what, goes where, how much they eat, everything. They are bsaically his payment for my babysitting. This time, though, he wants to control what species we get, how theyre housed, heck he wants a parahybana to feed it birds, since as he says, "its a bird eater." He wants to get species he considers "pretty" like pokies, things im not ready for yet, and I take care of the Ts, not him. I told him this, and he said he wasn't scared. I don't know what to tell him, as I don't want Ts that I cant take with me when I move some day, and I think that's what these are gonna be. He's in it for the shock value, and he thinks he can breed them and get money. I'm utterly confusd, lol. I wouldn't mind more, but I think hes shoving me in over my head. How do I tell him no, in a way that he won't get them for himself anyway? In that case, the Ts would suffer anyway. Any advice?
 

Rain_Flower

Arachnolord
Old Timer
Joined
Jul 15, 2007
Messages
662
Have you told him that you're not ready for that kind yet? If you just tell him that it would make you uncomfortable he should be understanding. Also explain that before he wants to get something of that calliber, he needs experience with T's first, for his safety and theirs. And as it sounds, your the one with experience, not him. Just try explaining your side of the situation and I'm sure things will work out for you. :D

Good luck!
 

Rain_Flower

Arachnolord
Old Timer
Joined
Jul 15, 2007
Messages
662
He's in it for the shock value, and he thinks he can breed them and get money.
Also, no offence to your moms boyfriend, but people who only want T's for these kind of reasons are ignorant, and if he follows through with getting this T, I very easily see that tarantula just eating his face. You could tell him that too :D

Again, good luck. :D
 

Talkenlate04

ArachnoGod
Old Timer
Joined
Feb 13, 2006
Messages
8,662
Well as long as he is taking care of the ones you are not comfortable with I don’t see why it would be bad for you to get a few other Ts. Some people are more comfortable learning on the fly then others. But as long as he does some reading and understands how to care for what he wants to get, sure why not.

Obviously id work out something were you guys take turns buying things so you can still get thing you want and he can get things he wants. You never know how it will work out till you try it.


As for him breeding pokies and such to make money, he’s going to have a rude awakening. They don’t just happen to lay sacs there is a ton of prep work that goes into it by the owner. If he thinks its easy, (and it is with some species) but overall its not easy, but if he thinks it is, and could be some sort of get rich quick kind of deal, he better push back his plans to get his dream car to say 2025.
Plus you’re not going to make 1000's a dollars a week, or month, or even year sometimes.
That's why for the overwhelming number of people in the hobby it is just that a HOBBY.
 

sparular

Arachnoknight
Old Timer
Joined
Jun 20, 2007
Messages
184
That's a tough situation and a lot depends on the relationship you have with him. One tactic is to insist that you will do nothing for the maintenance or care of those "more difficult" species an make him promise that he will do all the maintenance. Maybe the thought of the workload will put him off but probably not. If he's set on getting them and won't listen to your suggestions, you may not be able to prevent it. Do your best to dissuade him and if he gets them anyway, do your best to take care of them but if you are uncomfortable with any of the feeding, rehousing, etc. Make him do it. If he refuses, tell him you have to sell them if he can't take care of them.
Additionally, it seems that you have respect for the abilities and needs of tarantulas and these more difficult species are not that difficult if you are careful and dedicated. You seem like a responsible owner and if he does buy a pokie, T. blondi, or L. parahybana, I think you would probably be OK with advice from the boards. However, do try to dissuade your mom's BF if you don't think that you are ready. What about appealing to your mom to reason with him?
I hope this helps. Good luck.
Spar
 

Sheazy

Arachnoknight
Old Timer
Joined
Apr 19, 2007
Messages
155
Another thing you can do is let him browse through the topics on here that pertain to the species he wants. If your the one taking care of them, and your not comfortable with certain species yet then you need to let him know there is more harm that can be done by jumping into something like that, than good. One thing you might do is have him read the bite reports for some of the more venemous species (pokies), and let him read that it can cause issues including muscle spasms, tightening of the chest, and other symptoms that you dont want to experience...

The best thing I think, is to get him more informed...he sounds like he is in it for instant gratification and not because he is truly interested in the hobby.

However, if you would like to move into some faster, more aggressive species...maybe you could start off with a few slings, and get used to the way they move. As they grow, so will you and your experience level.

Good luck in whatever route you take.
 

jen650s

Arachnobaron
Old Timer
Joined
May 29, 2007
Messages
333
If they are indeed his payment in exchange for your baby sitting the species, habitat, care etc. should be under your control. If he wants to get his own Ts and will not expect your input his decisions are pretty much under his control. Tell him how you feel about your readiness for these in clear, undemanding terms and without making accusations about his intents. If you haven't broached this subject with your mom you probably should (especially if this is a serious long term relationship on her part as that means that they will be in her household for a long time). I'd also bet that she has more influence on him than you do.

I would also have him care for one of the more difficult Ts you have in your collection for a while so that he gets a feel for what he is getting into and you can act as a safety net for him--but remember that

That said, don't let him bully you into taking care of his Ts or being part of something that you don't agree with. Unfortunately it might be better for him to learn that you can't just throw a bird or ...in with the T and enjoy (ugh) the violence and that's that. When he has to deal with the smell and mess he might change his mind.

Good Luck!
 

Laceface

Arachnoknight
Old Timer
Joined
Nov 20, 2006
Messages
264
I told my mom, and she just said to say no, but he doesn't care about that. And they have enough problems with out me adding to it, lol.. The breeding is half my problem, as I am eventually going to breed my MM avic with a mature female I got, but figure I will give most slings away, things like that.. I'm sure I could handle it, but I don't want to be shoved into it.. I have a lividum, and an OBT, but the lividum doesn't do much of anything, and the OBT is a sling that I have only seen once, lol..
A big thing- I get attatched easily, I don't want ot get attatched and then have to give them up if/when mom and him break up.. Ill try to talk him down to something nicer.. maybe some avics, the para, a smithi.. and H maculata, as they are gorgeous and hopefully not as bad as some others... Anyone know of any pretty yet calmish species I can try to interest him in? He wants to order them tonight, lol
 

Nitibus

Arachnodemon
Old Timer
Joined
Feb 7, 2007
Messages
728
This time, though, he wants to control what species we get, how theyre housed, heck he wants a parahybana to feed it birds, since as he says, "its a bird eater." QUOTE]

Sounds to me your mom's boyfriend is very immature. He gets you to take care of his T's, and pretends its " payment " for babysitting. let me guess, you babysit his kids, because he never does...

Get what YOU want ! If he gets a pokie, he takes care of it, and it does NOT come off the total of what he owes you for your babysitting.

It sounds to me you're being taken advantage of...
 

Varden

Arachnodemon
Old Timer
Joined
May 22, 2005
Messages
704
Go ahead and tell him if he gets them, then they're his. And then don't do anything with them. It'll be sad if he doesn't take care of them. But stick to your guns. Don't let yourself get pushed into something you're not ready for. But on the other hand, you don't have the right to dictate whether he can or can't get something he wants, regardless of his reasons for doing it. Just don't take care of them for him and let him know ahead of time that you won't. Not under any circumstances.

Good luck.
 

spid142

Arachnobaron
Old Timer
Joined
Apr 9, 2006
Messages
492
Hes thinking of getting (a birdeater or etc) as a cool, or shocking kind of thing, if he insists they should eat birds. Thats just totally rediculous, as a perusal of some posts would tell him. But sounds like he wouldnt listen anyway. I agree, you are being taken advantage of by him. He wants a 'cool, mean T' without the work or risk of taking care of it. Would, he expect YOU to take care of the mess, when he feeds one a bird? Which is disgusting, and totally unnecessary. And, as mentioned, a T keeper needs experience with Ts, before thinking about breeding.
 

Feathers

Arachnosquire
Old Timer
Joined
Jun 3, 2007
Messages
85
He's one of those guys who mistakes stupidity for bravery. You're OK, you should have the healthy respect that you do have. And he's not OK; lack of fear has nothing to do with it. Even my 1.5" pokie is f a s t ! ! !
 

Laceface

Arachnoknight
Old Timer
Joined
Nov 20, 2006
Messages
264
Yeah.. Since I know either way, mroe Ts will be on the way, Im gonna try to steer him towards ones I know I can handle, and maybe branch out a little, but still stay where im comfortable. And I told him repeatedly, and will continue to tell him, NOTHING other then bugs.. if I drill it in enough, he might get it, lol... I figure I might be able to get him interested in avics instead, or maybe some Nhandu species. He's an adult, I cant stop him.. but I might change the focus of what he wants.. Thanks guys :)
 
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