- Joined
- Sep 27, 2002
- Messages
- 1,257
The body of a one "Baby mean bitey thing" was found murdered today, outside it's Chicago residence. Sources say that an adolescent cricket male has been charged and convicted of the killing.
The offending cricket, who wished to remain anonymous, declined our attempts to interview him. His lawyer claims that just becase he was sealed alone with the deceased, does not mean he was neccessarily responsible. The eyewitness reports of a one "Dahmer", a neighbor known to have a poor opinion of crickets, claimed he watched the entire thing in horror from his window. The cricket's lawyer claims that Dahmer could not have possibly seen the offense, due to excessive amount of webbing in his windows.
The judge, however, did not buy the defense's arguments. Forensic evidence showed that only the cricket could have been responsible for the type of damage done to Baby Mean Bitey Thing. He is quoted with saying "The investigators show that during the young spiders molt process, Mr. cricket snuck up on him and devoured him, while helpless. It is a tragedy that these monsters walk the soil we burrow in, every day"
Mr. Cricket has been sentenced to death via lethal injection of Peocilotheria Venom. The victim was a 15 week old Haplopelma lividum, affectionately known as 'Evil", "Little death machine", "Blue fireball" and other such names. May he rest in peace, and know justice has been done.
The offending cricket, who wished to remain anonymous, declined our attempts to interview him. His lawyer claims that just becase he was sealed alone with the deceased, does not mean he was neccessarily responsible. The eyewitness reports of a one "Dahmer", a neighbor known to have a poor opinion of crickets, claimed he watched the entire thing in horror from his window. The cricket's lawyer claims that Dahmer could not have possibly seen the offense, due to excessive amount of webbing in his windows.
The judge, however, did not buy the defense's arguments. Forensic evidence showed that only the cricket could have been responsible for the type of damage done to Baby Mean Bitey Thing. He is quoted with saying "The investigators show that during the young spiders molt process, Mr. cricket snuck up on him and devoured him, while helpless. It is a tragedy that these monsters walk the soil we burrow in, every day"
Mr. Cricket has been sentenced to death via lethal injection of Peocilotheria Venom. The victim was a 15 week old Haplopelma lividum, affectionately known as 'Evil", "Little death machine", "Blue fireball" and other such names. May he rest in peace, and know justice has been done.
That's terrible. Those things are evil. They even eat each other while waiting to be fed to our beloved pets. Strange irony...even if the spider doesn't eat him his cousin will. 
