How to train cats - the definitive guide

[The Snark]

Or not. I am NOT an animal trainer. Under any circumstances. On a scale of 1 to 10 I'm around -7.
A new batch of rescued animals. This time 3 cats. 4 or so years of shredded furniture, getting clawed and bitten, and me alternating between yelling and ignoring, I got a good slap in the face. Along the lines of "Hey idiot. You're a horse gentler and a good one. Stop being a complete moron." Duhhhhhh. For the record which many people already are aware of, horse gentling is not training. Not even remotely related. But that isn't the subject here.
So, following my well deserved chewing out I reversed gear and radically corrected my thinking. They aren't cats. Shift out of the mode of categorizing and labeling. They are, and we cohabitate with them.

Shredding the furniture.
The horse slashes with a hind leg. Takes a nip at me. Prances away. Bites and kicks the other horses. -> I am bored out of my mind! Stuck in this stupid stall and going in circles month after month, year after year!! Primal brain kicks in, more thinking mind is OFF.
Cat shreds furniture. Yell 100 times, admonish, whatever. Won't get through. Functional brain is off. Primal runs show.
Okay cat, let's keep you in the here and now. You're bored. You need diversion that over-rides primal. You like to be petted? Interacted with. Here you go. Cat gets to thinking-> how about some attention? You want it, you get it. Only for a moment is sufficient. After a few months the cats started moving towards me instead of shredding.
Horse lashes, bites. I get on it's back-> Now, what do you want? Horse-> uhhhh... well, that wasn't exactly the plan but this is okay. Maybe we get out of this stall for a while?

Cat bites when it is touched. Horse bites when it is touched. I grab it's tail and pull. HEY! STOP THAT! And I stop. Next time, same game. Shove it around with my shoulder. It dodges away . I got back to whatever I was doing. Grab cats tail. ATTACK! Oh nuts, he's quick! Repeat. Repeat. Cat slowly gets to thinking 'this is getting old.' Until finally, okay, grab my tail. Whatever. At least I'm getting some attention. Primal mode diverted.

Cat accepts a moments petting then primal! Bites!! Horse lashes at me while I'm grooming it. I shoulder shove it against the fence and don't take no. Is this what you wanted? Getting shoved around all over the corral? Stand still and I'll lay off.
Cat brain is faster than horse. Suddenly grabbed by the scruff of the neck. Maybe a firm "NO." Then let go and go back to petting. Repeat, repeat. A few weeks of getting bitten at gets the message across. Cat equates: scruff of neck-> I lose control of me. I. Do. Not. Like. That. (All three of our cats did this. It took a few months then bite vanishes. Now when I gently grab the scruff they all freeze-> Did I do something wrong? Horse-> Just don't shove me around. I'll stand still.

Same same with other traits. Primal over-riding the brain. Pet the cat's tummy = DIRE ASSAULT!!
It took a few months with this. Cat's all get a picked up and petted. But only for a moment. Safely, comfortably draped over one arm then the softest strokes then SLOWLY, carefully, placed back on their feet, held still for a moment then let go. All of five seconds of your time, repeated many times a day. Held in arms = no big deal. Then the cat is laid on it's back in your arm, firmly but gently then the slowly and carefully put back on it's feet. Extend the time in your arms. Now all three cats allow lying on their backs in my arms and let me pet their tummys. Same with horses. They may have places they do NOT like to be touched. A very quick touch then gone. A dozen times a day if possible. Eventually, no big deal. Repeat, repeat. Remember, animals are here and now critters. Memory comes on much slower than with humans.

Watching my wife. Cat bites her feet. Snags her with claws. Have yet to get it through her head the basics of NO. Of the tail grab. Of the assurance picked up and put back down ever so carefully. She's much harder to train than the cats or horses.

Our three cats. EXTREME different personalities.
See Cow the catatonic. VERY fussy bitchy with the wife. With me, a cat puddle. Ultimately laconic. Rarely reacts at all with the casual pet. May roll over on her back for a tummy pet. Wife will end up splotched with povidone iodine if she tries it.
Gnarly. Professional top flight neurotic furniture destroyer, formerly. Restless, endlessly circling and pacing. Calm, placid and gaining weight after 5 months of assurance hugs.
Snit. A cross between Bart Simpson and Mr. Bean. A brat with the brain half off most of the time. Attention turned him into a doting demanding dog like thing. Follows me around everywhere. Recently discovered laying across my shoulders gives him a birds eye view of activities going on around him. Climbs my leg for pets. He is patiently waiting outside my office door right now, waiting for attention, or is trying to romp on Gnarly. Pure wind up doll.

 

[The Snark]

And some other fluff. All animals have things they like and time durations they like them. It's up to the human to be perceptive and be aware of these likes.
Example. All our cats are extremely different. See Cow, scratch the top of her head. FOREVER. If she doesn't go for this something is bothering her and you have a job to do finding out what and addressing it. Gnarly is too neurotic to be casually petted. She likes to lean against something when petted. A wall or the side of the stairs. Then only her back. Feeling she is about to tip over makes her freak out. She will only allow her head to be petted when she is feeling very secure and then only for about 10 seconds. Snit has the attention span of a mayfly. Pet him anywhere at any time, but after 5 seconds he's bored and off to the next activity. VERY visually oriented and curious.

As said, all animals have these little likes. Use them as assurances and your communion with them, and NEVER over reach or go beyond the time limits. Leave them wanting just a little more is the rule.

 

[Poonjab]

You like Jackson galaxy? Important to know if your feline is a bush dweller or a tree dweller.

 

[The Snark]

Now there is another aspect to the getting the animal to act properly - that is, socially acceptable. This is crucial.
Animals all have moods. You are pissing up a rope when they are in the wrong mood. Dazed just waking up from a nap. Distracted. Feeling just plain grumpy. Feeling like being an airhead - being playful. Complete waste of time trying to work with the animal. They can sometimes be coerced, but the odds are they won't remember a thing.
Cat's after a nap. Forget it. Dog wants to go out and read the newspapers, (sniff the scents), brain off, busy elsewhere. TRAINED animals are different. Can be dragged into the program. But as I said, this isn't about training. It's all about establishing acceptable social conduct.

Example. My horse. Small envelope at first. Stallion, never broken. Needs to get out and burn up some desert, mares in season, he had to be given his own head. Let him walk it down / off. Once he's calmed down I could work him. About half the time when I had a search and rescue call I'd end up sitting on a corral fence for a half hour or an hour while he blasted across the distant scenery. Once the piss and vinegar wore off, then and only then could I give the command, 'On The Job'.

As far as voice commands are concerned, they will work on just about any animal, IF the animal is paying attention. Then the voice commands are kept super simple and are repeated hundreds or thousands of times while you and the animal go through the required step or operation. With my horse, on the job meant no more stallion antics. Shut it down. Trailer, no kicking the door down, tack up while you go statue. I'm riding and we are going to pound trails. Period, paragraph. Then once the job is done and the rope comes off, a good hard slap on the ass which meant off the job. Go play. Shake it down and enjoy. Always some reward like that with any animal that has to be 'on the leash' so to speak,

So social with an animal means you read the moods. Know when you can and when you can't work with them. And never ever push them when they show being distracted. Waste of time. And always stop the session leaving them relaxed or the opportunity to relax.
(I tried to work with a woman's cat a while back. She was getting nowhere. So I checked it out. She did everything right but after the session the cat got dumped in with her three kids who treated it like a toy. So there it was, charmed and enjoying, learning, remembering, and expecting to be harassed.)

 

[Ferrachi]

You trying to train them ? LOL

 

[Albireo Wulfbooper]

Training cats this way also makes it a lot easier to work with them when they need medical care or if there's an emergency. With any animal, you have to understand their drive and work with them.

 

[The Snark]

Training cats this way also makes it a lot easier to work with them when they need medical care or if there's an emergency.

Sorry for saying it and introducing negativity here. The stand by for handling virtually all uncooperative animals is overwhelming force, knocking it on it's butt with powerful drugs, and failing that, euthanasia.
And then of course, the animal that most often needs training is the owner of the animal.

With any animal, you have to understand their drive and work with them.

The bottom line there would be... I've never worked with a horse or heard of any horse that didn't learn it's bad habits from humans. Understanding->rapport->cooperation. To qualify that, some animals have natural normal instincts and conduct that can be a royal pain in the butt. Dealing with those traits is delicate. You don't want to oppress the animal but simply try to get it to dial things down. With something like my horse it couldn't be done. He just had to burn off energy.

I did an experiment last night. Spent an hour going in a circle of our three cats, overdosing them with attention. Ended up with all three following me all over the house for the rest of the evening. Went to bed with all three watching forlornly as I shut the bedroom door.

 

[Albireo Wulfbooper]

Sorry for saying it and introducing negativity here. The stand by for handling virtually all uncooperative animals is overwhelming force, knocking it on it's butt with powerful drugs, and failing that, euthanasia.
And then of course, the animal that most often needs training is the owner of the animal.

Sure, but if you train your cat to accept handling, the need for that kind of overwhelming force is reduced. If being scooped up and hugged a few times a day is normal and they know there's no actual danger from you, you can scoop them up in an emergency with much less risk of injury. Does it run counter to their instincts? Heck yes. A cat gotta be freeeeeeee. Will they learn to tolerate it? Damn right they will.

 

[The Snark]

If being scooped up and hugged

My Sis is enjoying a lot of laughs at my expense over this. It's paradoxical in a way. I'm extreme old school native about gentling horses - animals, and picking the cats up never occurred to me. You don't pick up horses, do you? But she was born and raised on a horse ranch with a family (native-indian) tradition of gentling wild horses and is of the mindset whatever works, excluding anything remotely resembling abuse.
Turns out cats want to be picked up and cuddled, once they solidly know they are 1, completely safe and 2. can get down and back on their feet instantly and gently. Rapport gets involved there using the sixth sense and picking up I'm-not'-comfortable without any actions showing this.
It's funny now, nervous introverted Gnarly standing in front of me, back hunched, hinting she wants to be picked up.

you can scoop them up in an emergency with much less risk of injury. Does it run counter to their instincts? Heck yes. A cat gotta be freeeeeeee. Will they learn to tolerate it? Damn right they will.

That depends on the animal. Both Sis and I have been asked to accompany animals at the vet. We get used by the animal as security blankets. Our three cats at the vet, usually with dogs in the room: See Cow-> wake me when it's over. Snit-> Let me on your shoulders. NOW/ Gnarly-> I feel a desperate need to stick my head in your armpit.

Sis's big problem is she has a commanding dominating presence. Back when, she gentled several horses only to have the owners complain they were still wild and uncontrollable. Now she demands the owner work along side her for five days at the end of the regimen. She also charges a LOT of money to get the point across to the owners the entire gentling rapport is a very serious affair. If the owners get in the proper mental groove she waves part or all of the fee.
(I still crack up when Sis met my horse. He never allows anyone on him until he's calmed himself down and is commanded On The Job. She went straight into his corral and jumped up on him. 15.2 hands clears 6 foot railing Pegasus style in a single leap and they are off, heading for the horizon. A couple of hours later they came back in. He was prancing! Side stepping, giving little kicks and rears, whinnying and whickering. She jumps off and he followed her like a dog as she open his corral and led him in. As they went past me he sneered-nose wrinkle > She's a lot more fun than you are!)

PS the solid indication you have done it right is when you finish a session and put the animal on it's feet or with a horse, back away. If the animal just stands there, waiting for a little more attention, things are in the groove.