Tarantulas and Dating

[PanzoN88]

I don't have any valuable information to provide on the subject, since I have never dated anybody (though I'm only 23 so there is still time and I don't know anybody outside of church even though Darke county is small, and I don't know anyone in Henry county, IN). I think informing a prospective date that you have multiple pet tarantulas, that will be a way to gauge if that person is the one.

 

[Vinny2915]

"I've been the one you've been texting" he still went back to to asking my fiance

So what you are saying is the guy was sexist i the way he didn't take a woman's word seriously? I hope you didn't sell it to him, teaching him a lesson for next time.

 

[Razzledazzy]

Local lesbian here to say, the spiders are probably not the issue. My girlfriend didn't like spiders, but she warmed up to them pretty quickly after I kept bringing them up. A lot of times, people just don't understand them. They're less afraid of them once they understand why they act and function the way they do.

Though, we've been dating for longer than I've been keeping. Maybe I'm just lucky.

 

[basin79]

Local lesbian here to say, the spiders are probably not the issue. My girlfriend didn't like spiders, but she warmed up to them pretty quickly after I kept bringing them up. A lot of times, people just don't understand them. They're less afraid of them once they understand why they act and function the way they do.

Though, we've been dating for longer than I've been keeping. Maybe I'm just lucky.

Do you think being in a same sex relationship helps with understanding/coming to terms with it?

I'm obviously having a wild shot in the dark but I do wonder not being able to "pin" the keeping of tarantulas on the opposite sex helps?

As in (sexist alert), "you only think they're cute because they're fluffy and you're a lass, or you only like them because they kill things. Typical bloke".

 

[Razzledazzy]

Do you think being in a same sex relationship helps with understanding/coming to terms with it?

I'm obviously having a wild shot in the dark but I do wonder not being able to "pin" the keeping of tarantulas on the opposite sex helps?

As in (sexist alert), "you only think they're cute because they're fluffy and you're a lass, or you only like them because they kill things. Typical bloke".

To be honest, I think us being lesbians just means we're more willing to sit down and talk with each other about our boundaries, what makes us comfortable, how we can support each other, and what we can do to keep each other happy and thrive in this relationship. Before I acquired my spiders I made sure to clear it with her, even though we don't live together yet. (We're working on tentative plans to purchase and fix up a house.) I didn't pull the trigger until she said it was cool with her.

Communication works.

Never dated a man so I can't speak to how/if that ever happens in straight relationships

 

[basin79]

To be honest, I think us being lesbians just means we're more willing to sit down and talk with each other about our boundaries, what makes us comfortable, how we can support each other, and what we can do to keep each other happy and thrive in this relationship. Before I acquired my spiders I made sure to clear it with her, even though we don't live together yet. (We're working on tentative plans to purchase and fix up a house.) I didn't pull the trigger until she said it was cool with her.

Communication works.

Never dated a man so I can't speak to how/if that ever happens in straight relationships

That's my point in a way. You know where you're coming from.

I can't bloody explain myself but I think you answered my question.

 

[TyjTheMighty]

Do you think being in a same sex relationship helps with understanding/coming to terms with it?

I'm obviously having a wild shot in the dark but I do wonder not being able to "pin" the keeping of tarantulas on the opposite sex helps?

As in (sexist alert), "you only think they're cute because they're fluffy and you're a lass, or you only like them because they kill things. Typical bloke".

I don't think sexual orientation has anything to do with some of the guys (and it's mostly guys) being able to find a significant other because of keeping tarantulas/inverts/etc (just speaking from experience as someone who is pan).

But it's 100% communication, like @Razzledazzy said. I think some ppl are just really bad at it, and it makes some relationships harder than they need to be - not that relationships are easy.

So what you are saying is the guy was sexist i the way he didn't take a woman's word seriously? I hope you didn't sell it to him, teaching him a lesson for next time.

I had actually asked him to leave before he apologized, not that I thought he was sincere. But it was just a snake rack, and we used the money for my fiance's photography stuff ^-^ but had I been selling a living animal there's no way in hell I would've sold to that guy. I have 3 ppl black-listed in my contacts right now that ik not to ever sell to

 

[basin79]

I don't think sexual orientation has anything to do with some of the guys (and it's mostly guys) being able to find a significant other because of keeping tarantulas/inverts/etc (just speaking from experience as someone who is pan).

But it's 100% communication, like @Razzledazzy said. I think some ppl are just really bad at it, and it makes some relationships harder than they need to be - not that relationships are easy.




I had actually asked him to leave before he apologized, not that I thought he was sincere. But it was just a snake rack, and we used the money for my fiance's photography stuff ^-^ but had I been selling a living animal there's no way in hell I would've sold to that guy. I have 3 ppl black-listed in my contacts right now that ik not to ever sell to

Aye, I did type I couldn't explain myself. It's not the sex but the same sex I feel that matters. You know where each other is coming from (absolute guess) so can be more reasonable (another absolute guess).

 

[TyjTheMighty]

Aye, I did type I couldn't explain myself. It's not the sex but the same sex I feel that matters. You know where each other is coming from (absolute guess) so can be more reasonable (another absolute guess).

Hmm to an extent, yes. Being the same sex helps with some things. But you're forgetting the fact that ppl have intersectional identities. Understandings can get a little more complex when you think about religion, culture, ethnicity, gender, etc in addition to sex

 

[basin79]

Hmm to an extent, yes. Being the same sex helps with some things. But you're forgetting the fact that ppl have intersectional identities. Understandings can get a little more complex when you think about religion, culture, ethnicity, gender, etc in addition to sex

Maybe. But if someone you relate to finds something enjoyable you're much more likely be compelled to like it too.

 

[TyjTheMighty]

Maybe. But if someone you relate to finds something enjoyable you're much more likely be compelled to like it too.

Exactly! Lol that was the point that I was making. Self identification is important, and it effects how we interact with our SO(s) to some degree, but it does not necessarily make dating with Ts easier or more difficult in itself.
My fiance and I are different in all regards minus our lack of religious beliefs, and us having similar interests (which I think is the most important). We're not the same sex, gender, race - heck, we were born in 2 different countries.

 

[basin79]

Exactly! Lol that was the point that I was making. Self identification is important, and it effects how we interact with our SO(s) to some degree, but it does not necessarily make dating with Ts easier or more difficult in itself.
My fiance and I are different in all regards minus our lack of religious beliefs, and us having similar interests (which I think is the most important). We're not the same sex, gender, race - heck, we were born in 2 different countries.

I'm well into an 18 pack of Stella. Not that would make a difference with my explanation but I'm using it.

 

[xhexdx]

By the nature of this hobby, most people don't find the animals you keep, appealing. But when you do find someone who shares your love for these animals, it's one of the best connections you can have with someone. And if they are so shallow that they refuse to entertain a relationship with you because of that (with an exception being some sort of traumatic event or arachnophobia, etc.), then they weren't the right one for you anyway.

Sorry if any (or all) of that has already been posted - I admit I didn't read through the entire thread.

 

[Sykomp]

By the nature of this hobby, most people don't find the animals you keep, appealing. But when you do find someone who shares your love for these animals, it's one of the best connections you can have with someone. And if they are so shallow that they refuse to entertain a relationship with you because of that (with an exception being some sort of traumatic event or arachnophobia, etc.), then they weren't the right one for you anyway.

I'd like to add that if you can really, really find that certain connection, it doesn't even matter if the other one likes some of your hobbies or not. There are so many other more important factors to a working relationship than some silent pet that's kept in a small box, so to speak. If someone is refusing you seemingly because of your tarantulas, the T's aren't the problem - it's more likely some vibe that keeping them is sending added to the fact that you are not that interesting to them in the first place. Usully if someone really likes you, they're willing to look past some things that make you "imperfect", or even better, trying to understand those better to get more close to you.

But ehh, what do I know about anything, I've just learned by observing others. I've found only one person ever to be that interesting to me, and we've been dating for some years already.

 

[Ultum4Spiderz]

Are your parents my parents?
Sadly I do think it puts a lot of girls off, I've had a few girls tell me it is a deal breaker...

Anxiety cost me everything back when I had someone in mind . I’m not good at writing online messages to girls. Or trying to talk to someone from old times , or new.
Sleep apnea and Nightmares every night sucks . Severe knee pain keeps getting worse so I’m going to need a desk job of some sort. Had no job in 3 years , I’m under a lot of stress always: even tho no job.
Spiders would be less of a big deal to women if they commanded the huge price tags of reptiles, but in that case I prefer it being cheaper. I’m sure some women keep lizards, and various reptiles. It’s a matter of how do you beat Depression? If everything has gone wrong???

 

[Crone Returns]

My feel on this subject is:

Love me love my dogs. Tolerate isn't even close.
Love my Ts. Listen to my #1 rule: do not handle.
Too old to change my wicked ways. Would not do good living with another human.
Besides, really. What's love got to do with it. (Thanks, Tina.)

 

[BarksandFarts]

Never dated a man so I can't speak to how/if that ever happens in straight relationships

It does if u are in a mature r/s!

 

[Mirandarachnid]

I'm well into an 18 pack of Stella.

You have good taste, my man.

 

[spookyvibes]

Frankly, I would love to be you, a 18 years lady with such magnetic eyes. I would learn and master hypnosis and then, after, turns all the suitors into puppets without anymore a soul

... You know, I’ve been going about things wrong this whole time. Gonna go learn some hypnosis.

 

[AphonopelmaTX]

Ah, the classic story of boy meets girl, girl meets boy, boy and girl fall in love, boy or girl meets spider, then an awkward love triangle ensues.

For the past 20 years or so I have been involved with spiders, tarantulas specifically, I have come across a wide breadth of people who love and hate spiders. My conclusion is that the average tarantula enthusiast is just as annoying, if not more so, than the spider hater. First and foremost, I am an animal lover. Spiders and other arachnids are animals just the same as everything else. If a girl starts talking like she wants all spiders dead, because they are icky or dangerous, than that is an instant turn-off and that's not worth my time. I'm not an emotionally needy person. The average tarantula enthusiast annoys me because, in my experience, they are know-it-alls and quick to judge my tarantula husbandry. They are closed minded and unreceptive to out-of-the-box thinking. In my experience, the best girl is one who is indifferent to tarantulas, or spiders in general, but can appreciate them for what they are and is receptive to hearing me talk on end about subjects they wouldn't care about (tarantulas). The point is the best romantic partner is one who appreciates me and can at least tolerate the one constant in my life: spiders. I certainly can't expect anyone else to have the level of interest in spiders that I do and to do so would limit the list of possible compatible partners to the point I could be missing out on "the one."

I have to say that anyone that is interested in tarantulas and keeps one or two, or 100, and fears being immediately rejected or is actually being rejected due to their interests has to take a long careful look at themselves. I don't believe a rejection either perceived or actual is due to one's interest in spiders. Also in my experience with being rejected by girls, I find that the rejector uses more excuses and avoids the honest truth as a reason. I've been rejected for so many trivial reasons by one one individual at one time, it made me think there was something seriously wrong with me, but at the end of the day, the girl just wasn't "feeling it" and the rejection wasn't due to any of the reasons said. I have also been rejected with real honest reasons and although it was more hurtful, that hurt was quickly overcome by respect. I can't deny the possibility that there are girls or boys out there who hears of one having an interest in spiders and immediately rejecting such a person because of it, but I also wonder if such a rejection is truly due to the interest in spiders or if the rejectee is wearing their interests on their sleeve and being annoying about it or if there isn't something else putting off the rejector. I can say there were times I have been put off by tarantula enthusiasts because they were too enthusiastic.

When it comes to dating and having an interest in tarantulas, one has to consider just how important tarantulas really are. Relationships with other people are always going to be far more important than any hobby. For someone to suddenly find tarantulas appealing then expect their partner to bow down to their new hobby would be unrealistic and flat out rude. It would be unrealistic to put a new hobby or fascination ahead of finding a relationship with someone who in all other respects would be compatible. For someone who has had a lifelong interest in spiders and has had at least one tarantula for the majority of their lives, it would be more reasonable to be selective on who to invite into one's life. For me, I fit into the latter category. I have had at least one tarantula living with me since I was 5 years old. Spiders are a part of who I am and it is the only subject I have had an interest in my entire life. If I were to end up in a relationship with a girl who at first was accepting of spiders and can tolerate being around them in some capacity then at some point started complaining, then that relationship would be over. Because for me, tarantulas and other spiders were there first and this hypothetical girl knew what she was getting into.

Anyway. My advice to anyone who worries about what other people think about their interests and hobbies needs to first become comfortable and confident with themselves before embarking on any romantic relationship. When one is secure and happy with themselves, the right partner will come along.